You are correct in what you say about him trying to make you look bad to other people. Mine told my mother I called him one and she was horrified and said 'you can't go around calling people mentally ill' (after she'd googled what it meant). This is precisely why it is not a good idea calling them out on being an anti-social. No matter how angry or upset they make you - it just gets used in evidence against you at a later date.

He as finding himself constantly asking other people if they thought he was a sociopath (this is probably bullshit) .. my psycho ex was very fond of using *we* rather than *i* ... to give the impression that other people also agreed with whatever crazy point he was trying to make. It was all bullshit! He even made people up .. totally fabricated people .. to back up his lame arguments. He fabricated a German girl on holiday .. the first time he mentioned her she was from Munich ...the second time he mentioned her from Hamburg .. coincidentally, my two favorite cities in Germany. He said he had her number in his wallet ... I tipped it up ... there was no number. He went into masses of detail about how they walked hand in hand along the shore .. all of it was utter nonsense. All of this was triggered by a Greek bar-man that I was having a laugh and a joke with .. in his deranged mind .. I was cheating on him.

These people are crazy ... and not even harmless crazy ... they are toxic .. liars, schemers, actors, manipulators - and not just for your benefit, with everyone they meet! Of course they will be smearing your good name and making you look bad - but if you react to it with anger - it will only serve to confirm what they are already telling other people. My mother was totally taken in by my psycho .. he had her totally believing I was getting him all wrong, and everything was my fault. He caused some explosive arguments between us - fortunately she moved to another country soon after I dumped him and he had no forwarding address so he could no longer just drop by and cry on her shoulder.

Unfortunately you can't defend yourself from whatever nonsense he is telling other people - it is completely out of your control. He's still very much inside your head though - and your self esteem will be in tatters - this is why you care what other people think - and this is where you can take back the control. Don't listen to their nonsense, they don't say anything without it having some sort of agenda attached. Whether he believes he is a sociopath or not is not important - they really do not care either way. They don't know any different - it's who they are.

This was exactly the response i needed. I must be still very consumed and convinced by him because its sometimes hard for me to see the reality through all the fog. My exP also completely fabricated people - and made up scenarios and situations in great detail that never even happened. I appreciate the part you wrote about the "we" they make up - i've never considered or caught on to he fact that I believe him a lot more readily when there are "people" whoa re backing him up. Its true i have to let go of the idea that I can control what he says about me and the smear campaign tactics he uses to engage his other victims.

This really was such an eye opener. I'll probably have to read it over and over again as i recover.

Thank You <3

I pretty much assume that until someone has dealt with a PSN in their own lives, they cannot possibly understand what this means. Even if they know the definition of a PSN, they have no emotional connection behind it. They do not understand manipulation and deceit...not like we do. I try not to have the PSN discussion with people....with my best friends I have tried it out on them and even they do not get it....and I love them dearly while they want nothing but the best for me. I have sought out and found some support that do understand PSN and those are the people I turn to heavily when I need to talk craziness. I told my ex that he was a P and he used it to garner sympathy from his next victim. Ha! No contact and move forward. You can only control you as a previous poster above responded so work on that. Rebuild your life with people who do not know him and get out and gain some happy. When this starts to happen his crap with start melting away. And those people who believe him.....they will see the proof in the pudding at some point. Be patient my dear.

Hi Protect, I'm pretty new here so I hope you don't mind me chiming in. First off, you have to do your very best to not care what people think. Any and all effort you have left in reserves needs to go towards you. In my opinion I'm sure he's probably been called a lot worse at some point in his lifetime. I know i've been called quite a number of things. But never felt the need to go around asking people if I was an asshole or a dick. People label themselves in time. And sometimes the truth can hurt. It seems to me its a tip of the scales scenario for him. As long as just one more person tells him he's not one as opposed to that he is, then he'll never be what you "labelled" him. From everything I've been reading psychopaths/sociopaths don't acknowledge who or what it is they are. It could be an empathy tactic directed towards anyone to soak it up.
Trust me, my wife has paved her road in gold this way. Felt compelled to say a little something, stay tough and stay centered within. Goodluck.

ProtectYourself the fog clears gradually, there is no easy route out of the mess they make of your head ... but it does get easier .. the trick is to fill your head with the things that make you happy .. truly happy .. when the day comes where you can look back without caring a jot about him .. you will be thankful that you turned and walked away from the drama. You won't even care what he is saying to other people about you - they are being taken in by the same person that you were taken in by when you first encountered him. You have to live in close proximity with a psycho to see the mask slip, so people on the outside looking in don't entirely get it!

We instead of I just strengthens their point - if several people are saying it then it must be true, right? (wrong!!!). It's mind games .... triangulation ... manipulation .... you buy into it .. and he has you in the palm of his hand .. pulling strings .. torturing you ... ! There will come a day - not too far in the future - when you will REALISE just how crazy they really are, and how much crap you made excuses for! Piece by piece your sense of judgement will return, you will remember the red flags that you overlooked! In the midst of all this you will find the answers that you seek!