Sounds like you have a narcissist Judge. Wait until they re reassigned and go back later. The back child support is drawing interest so just think of it as a CD or money market investment yielding very high interest rates. Meanwhile, get on with your life and leave him in the dust. The best revenge is to live well and be happy. Nothing hurts them more than that. Then when he thinks you are gone for good, and he has bought a house and a bass boat, nail him to the wall. :)

Oh, no, no, no you don't want to stop the divorce. The problem with narcissists and psychopaths if you don't get divorced is that you may be liable for his debts, lawsuits, other financial problems. Depends on what state you live in and whether it is community property. Mine obligated me for LOTS of money in losses, substantial hidden credit card debt, and a HUMONGOUS lawsuit, to which he was named a party and so I got 50% even though I had nothing to do with it. I was lucky the lawsuit got taken care of for far less.

Not acting, especially once they are hostile to you, can bankrupt you for life.

If you really can't pay more for lawyer, ask his/her advice for what you can do to just get done fastest, cheapest. And/or check into legal aid. Ask at DV shelters if they can recommend someone good and cheap.

Unbelievable. This legal system is a total joke. I'm dealing with it too and it's just incredible what they get away with. We are paying THEM to work FOR US! And they think they have the power to do whatever they want to us. I'm so tired I literally want to move out of this country.

you are not alone. dated my undiagnosed narcissistic personality disordered husband for six years. he was smooth. married for over 25 years and had one daughter. filed in august, 2012. so close. he received my suggestion for property yesterday.

Came.unglued. I recorded him.

I don't understand their thought process when they deny their own children of basic needs. Even if it means taking the kids to go shopping for clothing/food. Talking to the kids to see what they need and then just purchasing it. They are aware that shelter, utilities and just managing to get them here and there requires a car/car insurance/gasoline, etc. Why take it out on the kids?

(My bill is up to $15,000 and I have no job. No experience, am 57 and he told me last night he will see to it that I owe $60,000 to my lawyer)

Is there no recourse? No arrest warrant for non-payment? Remember, you only pay for lawyer time when you contact them to write/phone/etc. If the case is sitting around waiting...no fees are being expended.

Since my uNPDh stopped support, broke the court order and remained in the house after the allowed time, stopped paying bills, etc I contacted my lawyer quite a bit. In my property agreement, he claims I am suggesting that my spouse help pay my lawyer bills. Wo. Mr. Narc-o-riffic blew an artery on that one yelling at me.

They do suck. Karma should just do away with them all.

Hang in there.

It is worth it to borrow money from anywhere you can. Maybe family can help. Later, after you've gotten free and recovered, you can pay it back.

Or be your own lawyer for free. It is harder and riskier for sure, but not as bad as not finishing the divorce if being divorced is what you want. The court buildings/websites often have information and forms available for do-it-yourselfers (I forget which Latin term is the right one, pro se or pro per or something else).

He is probably not kidding about the $60K. It is very easy to get there with a NPD or psychopath.

If I had to do it quick and myself, I'd focus only on getting to court (meaning trial/litigation -- forget about mediation) as soon as possible. Be clear on the major things you want and try to get them into the court order.

If he's not representing the kids' interests or violating the court order or temporary orders and not taking care of their interests, you can ask the court to appoint a guardian ad litem or attorney for the children. I'm not sure who pays.

And you can defer some court fees if you really do not have the money, but I think there is a process to go through to do that.

Short of a divorce, you'd at least want a post-nuptial agreement to financially separate, but good luck trying to get them to sign it! A divorce, when it is ordered upon them, might be easier. If you do the post-nup, you are still married and custody is not an issue, but at least your finances are separate and you would not be liable for their financial messes and debts.

I wouldn't use an attorney again. Domestic cases are a waste of time and money for them. I did much better on my own, although I've still encountered a few stumbling blocks. Look into filing for a default judgment... and if I remember correctly, didn't your ex move to another state?
If so, you can leave CA and file elsewhere after 6 mos. (I'd never get divorced in CA!)

If you have a separation agreement that states all assets & debts following your separation date are liabilities of the party who incurred them, then you can't be sued or sucked into bankruptcy.
AND
there's no B.S. custody agreement and frivolous contempt hearings. Just don't let him know where you are so he can't show up and run off with your kiddo.

Yeah, but that might depend on the state. Like the separation agreement holds if you finalize the divorce eventually. It might be the case that the court eventually forces the timeline and pushes some action. I'm not a lawyer and the states vary. If you could just stay separated and that would hold water, then you could just pause there indefinitely. If not, you could be leaving yourself open. I'd find out, then decide what to do.