Victims of Psychopaths Community Group
Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.
Hi Everyone!!
I haven't been on for a while, so I hope you are all keeping well despite what we are going through.
Some of you may remember my past posts, well my latest update is that I finally went to the police. I just couldn't take it anymore. For two months I waited and put up with his crap to give him the opportunity to go away on his own, but it was obvious that wasn't going to happen, so I had to take the next step.
I tried to get away for a couple of weeks but my 'S' caught a plane trying to find me, (which he didn't) Then when I got back home he started coming around again. All hours of the night, throwing rocks at my bedroom window to get my attention. The abusive phone calls were the worse, they have really done my head in. The demands, intimidation, still trying to control me through phone calls. He bought me a $3000 watch, (which I didnt accept of course) He joined me up and paid for a gym membership, which I went to them and made them refund him.
The police were great. So understanding and supportive. I provided them with so much evidence that they wanted to go further and actually charge him with other things such as assault and rape. But I said that was not what I was there for and they said I can change my mind on that at any time. Although by what they were saying, they don't need my permission to charge him if they want to. Maybe because they have the prove in his own words from the voice messages. (So one piece of advice to all out there going through this, keep as much evidence as you can, voice messages, I put these onto flash drives to keep, I keep a diary to record anything and everything, kept his letters)
We went to court last week. He agreed to the court orders, although he did try a couple of things. I have a relative who lives in the front unit and he asked the magistrate what if he wants to visit them. Mind you, they are my relatives but he thinks they are his best friends. The magistrate said to see them he needs to organise with them to meet him elsewhere. So he has been bugging my relatives and they told him off, not too call anymore and hung up on him. I know this is only to keep some kind of ties with me, even if not directly.
The other thing he questioned the magistrate about was, what if he forgets and happens to drive past, as in my house. He was told that this is a serious matter and he needs to make sure he doesn't forget. But I know what he is up to, he will drive past to keep checking if my car is in the driveway, but if he gets caught he will say 'he forgot'.
The day of court was really draining emotionally. They have a 'safe room' for victims to wait in so they don't have to see the other party, so I was able to stay in there for most of the time and he didnt' know I was there, but there was an unexpected mishap where we all had to leave that room, and that is when I saw him. I had support people with me the whole time, so he couldn't come anywhere near me, and then we were taken into the court room and this is when I broke down. I didn't have to get up in court, or speak with him and we were on opposite sides of the room, but just being in the same room with him was distressing. He also had his son with him.
Well the orders state that he can't come within 50mtrs of me, my house, my kids, my family, cannot call, text message, leave letters or gifts at the front door, cannot contact my mother, go to her house, call my kids, for one year. (not sure what happens after that if he starts up again)
This has certainly given me some peace. To not have to listen to those horrendous voice messages everyday is refreshing, and I am finally starting to sleep better. He did get one last dig in, in leaving a voice message telling me the police were on their way to his house but because he hadnt been served the papers yet he said he could still call and say what he wanted. But I have not heard from him since then, so it has been 17 days of No contact!!
Now I am looking into counselling. I have no trust or faith in males now (no offence to the guys in this group). As soon as someone talks to me, it's like red flags go up and I don't believe a word they say. And I need to get my head around all those degrading, abusive messages. I can't do anything now without wondering what others are going to think of me. Feel like I am always doing something wrong when it comes to going out, or shopping, or speaking to someone especially a guy, just doing everyday stuff. Feel like I'm being judged.
I'm so sorry for the long post. Need to get that off my chest, especially to others that are going through the same thing and understand what I'm getting at.
Take care everyone!!
I haven't been on for a while, so I hope you are all keeping well despite what we are going through.
Some of you may remember my past posts, well my latest update is that I finally went to the police. I just couldn't take it anymore. For two months I waited and put up with his crap to give him the opportunity to go away on his own, but it was obvious that wasn't going to happen, so I had to take the next step.
I tried to get away for a couple of weeks but my 'S' caught a plane trying to find me, (which he didn't) Then when I got back home he started coming around again. All hours of the night, throwing rocks at my bedroom window to get my attention. The abusive phone calls were the worse, they have really done my head in. The demands, intimidation, still trying to control me through phone calls. He bought me a $3000 watch, (which I didnt accept of course) He joined me up and paid for a gym membership, which I went to them and made them refund him.
The police were great. So understanding and supportive. I provided them with so much evidence that they wanted to go further and actually charge him with other things such as assault and rape. But I said that was not what I was there for and they said I can change my mind on that at any time. Although by what they were saying, they don't need my permission to charge him if they want to. Maybe because they have the prove in his own words from the voice messages. (So one piece of advice to all out there going through this, keep as much evidence as you can, voice messages, I put these onto flash drives to keep, I keep a diary to record anything and everything, kept his letters)
We went to court last week. He agreed to the court orders, although he did try a couple of things. I have a relative who lives in the front unit and he asked the magistrate what if he wants to visit them. Mind you, they are my relatives but he thinks they are his best friends. The magistrate said to see them he needs to organise with them to meet him elsewhere. So he has been bugging my relatives and they told him off, not too call anymore and hung up on him. I know this is only to keep some kind of ties with me, even if not directly.
The other thing he questioned the magistrate about was, what if he forgets and happens to drive past, as in my house. He was told that this is a serious matter and he needs to make sure he doesn't forget. But I know what he is up to, he will drive past to keep checking if my car is in the driveway, but if he gets caught he will say 'he forgot'.
The day of court was really draining emotionally. They have a 'safe room' for victims to wait in so they don't have to see the other party, so I was able to stay in there for most of the time and he didnt' know I was there, but there was an unexpected mishap where we all had to leave that room, and that is when I saw him. I had support people with me the whole time, so he couldn't come anywhere near me, and then we were taken into the court room and this is when I broke down. I didn't have to get up in court, or speak with him and we were on opposite sides of the room, but just being in the same room with him was distressing. He also had his son with him.
Well the orders state that he can't come within 50mtrs of me, my house, my kids, my family, cannot call, text message, leave letters or gifts at the front door, cannot contact my mother, go to her house, call my kids, for one year. (not sure what happens after that if he starts up again)
This has certainly given me some peace. To not have to listen to those horrendous voice messages everyday is refreshing, and I am finally starting to sleep better. He did get one last dig in, in leaving a voice message telling me the police were on their way to his house but because he hadnt been served the papers yet he said he could still call and say what he wanted. But I have not heard from him since then, so it has been 17 days of No contact!!
Now I am looking into counselling. I have no trust or faith in males now (no offence to the guys in this group). As soon as someone talks to me, it's like red flags go up and I don't believe a word they say. And I need to get my head around all those degrading, abusive messages. I can't do anything now without wondering what others are going to think of me. Feel like I am always doing something wrong when it comes to going out, or shopping, or speaking to someone especially a guy, just doing everyday stuff. Feel like I'm being judged.
I'm so sorry for the long post. Need to get that off my chest, especially to others that are going through the same thing and understand what I'm getting at.
Take care everyone!!
You are not stupid for deleting the voice messages etc. I did at the beginning too. What we are going through is a learning curve for all of us. Anything you get from now on, just save. Not sure how things work with your phone service provider but here in Australia our voice mail gets deleted automatically after so many days, so I had to find a way to get them off the phone. I don't know if there is an easier way than this but what I did was listen to the messages on loudspeaker and hold the phone to the mic on the laptop computer as it has a voice recorder. This way I was able to save them all to the computer and put them onto a flash drive to give to the police. Seems like a silly way of doing it but I didn't know any other way, and is time consuming and draining mentally as you listen to those awful msgs all over again. But it was something I had to do.
Here in Australia our orders are called an AVO- Apprehended Violence Order, we can apply ourselves but have to also represents ourselves in court or we go to the police and they do all the work and represent us in court and doesnt' cost anything, which is great.
You don't have to wait for something bad to happen before you get help.
Even if you are the one who has to do all the work to get this sorted out so you can move on, you will become all the more stronger for doing it.