It sounds to me like you need more time to heal. I'm like you, too, afraid to date because I am afraid I will end up with someone worse. It feels like Mr. Right doesn't exist. All my exs were verbally/physically abusive. I think the fear will eventually subside, but it does take time. When you do date, don't date just one person like he is the last man in the world. Figure them out and give it time. I'm sure there is good people out there. It's just these desperate kind that get in our way and block our view. Read the signs and red flags. These type always give themselves away after 2 wks of dating. Atleast from my experience.

I am very afraid of dating. I agree with Yve...you and I probably need more time to heal.

I think one of the key words here is dating!!!! don't go out looking for a new relationship, don't go out with just one person and don't get to close. there is nothing wrong with dating and your healing continues on through this process so don't go jump into a long term relationship right away. ive talked to a few people here and it happened to me to, ive only dated 2 men but both of them were a lot like what I would consider personality disordered, so take your time and really get to know the person, watch very closely if the red flags are there you will see them. follow your gut and your intuition its always right. its not that uncommon that you attract the same kind of men again s don't get discouraged, yes it hurts but you learn to follow your instincts and then you begin to change not allowing these kind of men in your life anymore. it took me a year before I even considered dating but that's just me.

Not so much a fear of dating but a fear of people in general who I feel are going to be dishonest and hurt me. I am seeing someone now. He wants more...I don't....he doesn't really understand why. I don't see myself getting into a serious relationship for a VERY long time. I hold back large pieces of myself on purpose. Self defense mechanism?.....probably. I am at peace with that though. I want companionship on my terms only. Selfish?....maybe. But unless you have been through this like we all have no amount of talking it through will make another person REALLY GET THIS. For myself, I am feeling like dating is actually helping me to heal. It is teaching me that all of the crap that my S had pounded into me, the self deprecation, etc. is just that....crap. Dating is reteaching me that I am worthy, beautiful, and desired. That the problem was never me. It has been helpful for me. But I also know that I am vulnerable and will not allow myself to get too deep. There is a difference between dating and relationship. I agree with the poster above that the key is to take your time. With a S they love bomb you so that things move very quickly and intensely. Put the brakes on and take your time.

@ballanemore: That was great advise!

I have gotten to the point to where I am easily able to politely decline a second date...in the past that was not even on my list of options bcz I felt compelled to 'make it work', to make them happy, to help them, even if I did not like them.

I can sympathize. I have been out on a couple handfuls of dates (met two Ns) and have come to the conclusion, I'd rather stay home or take roadtrips to visit with friends who live elsewhere. It takes time...I get that. I just wonder how much time before I can trust anyone again.

I think its a matter of some day meeting that good person who we do learn to trust again, its not something that just happens over night I dont think. I hope someday we all get that chance to have a little trust restored in us , a little faith in man kind in general. it is something that we have been robbed of in dealing with these evil rotten people and we deserve the chance to feel whole again. all of us do and I hope it happens to each of us in this life. we deserve to feel that again I think.