Victims of Psychopaths Community Group
Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.
Read only if you're bored or want something to relate to:
Since reading some of your experiences has really helped me, I thought I'd post some of the responses from the sociopaths I've dated / befriended so you can see similarities:
The chat log I'm posting is with a guy I grew up with. He tracked me down on Facebook after we hadn’t spoken in over 13 years. He IMMEDIATELY started telling me about how horrible his ex-girlfriend was and how she used him for his money and then left him to return to her abusive husband... so in order to protect his kids, he took them and fled across the country.
Heartbreaking, right? ... and I fell for it until I took notice of the red flags.
Months later, I contacted his ex.
His ex-girlfriend’s side of the story was that she left her husband 8 years ago for my friend but she never officially divorced her husband. She had 2 kids previously with her husband --- so 4 kids altogether. She decided to leave my “friend” after her eldest son (her husband’s son) said he was afraid of him because he was too angry. My “friend” was apparently unemployed and did nothing but play World of Warcraft all day long. He was always yelling at the kids over nothing. Her story sounded a lot like mine.
Since this girl was never married to my “friend”, they didn’t have a custody order in place when he took their 2 kids, so there wasn’t anything she could legally do. He's refused to even let her talk to their kids unless she talks to him first.
When I went to visit my “friend”, his kids were in horrible shape. Sad. Neglected. His poor daughter was so clingy with me. She really missed her sister and her father would yell at her for talking about it. This jerk was ALWAYS playing the role of the victim.
When I suggested he should let his daughter at least talk to her sister, this is what was said in our chat log (notice the hot & cold treatment, double-talk, and the "super victim" role he plays - he totally dismisses his kids' needs):
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JERKFACE: I'm not really in a place, emotionally, that I think it wise to make contact with the ex. I would prefer to never have any interaction with her, and I know that the kids will suffer a small amount. I have faith in my plan though, and since it is my call to make alone, I will do what I feel is best. I make choices usually aware that there are direct and indirect consequences. And the kids don't need to see me all screwed up over a phone call, anymore than I need to get all screwed up.
ME: I meant video chat for your kids. Nothing about you & your ex-girlfriend... aside from you'd be the people to provide the internet access so two sisters can talk.
JERKFACE: Oh, I understand what you mean, logistically I would have to call the ex to set that up though, and the differences and pain involved would be more than I am willing to endure. I mourned 2 children and my belief that the ex would be there for life. My daughter will mourn her brother and sister in time.
ME: Wow. That's actually pretty horrible thing for you to say, in my opinion.
I feel bad for your daughter, but you're right: you control the situation.
I understand things a lot more clearly now.
JERKFACE: Mile in my shoes would probably give you a better idea. My daughter hasn't mentioned her brother or sister to me in 2 months. Lemme ask you a question, how do you think it could work out better? Let's assume that my ex-girlfriend and her husband aren't telling the kids whatever they think the kids will want to hear for them to accept her husband back into thier lives after 8 years of absence. I'm doing the best I can for the two I can, my kids will form thier own view of what happens. But I am not going to hurt them further by being insincere about the split.
ME: (no response)
JERKFACE: I do like that you feel secure enough to talk to me about my kids, I do know this is probably not my strongest area of child rearing in that I barely understand the female mind ... And there is definitively a difference in thier minds and esteems at thier age.
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He was a terrible father. He never did anything with kids. They spent all of their free-time with Jerkface's sister or mom. Several times when we talked on the phone, he was drunk and the kids were crying for him in the background. I'd say "go take care of your kids" but then he'd just yell at them to shut up.
When he started bragging & laughing over the phone with me one night about how he made his ex-girlfriend cry earlier that day, I could clearly see he only took the kids to punish his ex.
Since reading some of your experiences has really helped me, I thought I'd post some of the responses from the sociopaths I've dated / befriended so you can see similarities:
The chat log I'm posting is with a guy I grew up with. He tracked me down on Facebook after we hadn’t spoken in over 13 years. He IMMEDIATELY started telling me about how horrible his ex-girlfriend was and how she used him for his money and then left him to return to her abusive husband... so in order to protect his kids, he took them and fled across the country.
Heartbreaking, right? ... and I fell for it until I took notice of the red flags.
Months later, I contacted his ex.
His ex-girlfriend’s side of the story was that she left her husband 8 years ago for my friend but she never officially divorced her husband. She had 2 kids previously with her husband --- so 4 kids altogether. She decided to leave my “friend” after her eldest son (her husband’s son) said he was afraid of him because he was too angry. My “friend” was apparently unemployed and did nothing but play World of Warcraft all day long. He was always yelling at the kids over nothing. Her story sounded a lot like mine.
Since this girl was never married to my “friend”, they didn’t have a custody order in place when he took their 2 kids, so there wasn’t anything she could legally do. He's refused to even let her talk to their kids unless she talks to him first.
When I went to visit my “friend”, his kids were in horrible shape. Sad. Neglected. His poor daughter was so clingy with me. She really missed her sister and her father would yell at her for talking about it. This jerk was ALWAYS playing the role of the victim.
When I suggested he should let his daughter at least talk to her sister, this is what was said in our chat log (notice the hot & cold treatment, double-talk, and the "super victim" role he plays - he totally dismisses his kids' needs):
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
JERKFACE: I'm not really in a place, emotionally, that I think it wise to make contact with the ex. I would prefer to never have any interaction with her, and I know that the kids will suffer a small amount. I have faith in my plan though, and since it is my call to make alone, I will do what I feel is best. I make choices usually aware that there are direct and indirect consequences. And the kids don't need to see me all screwed up over a phone call, anymore than I need to get all screwed up.
ME: I meant video chat for your kids. Nothing about you & your ex-girlfriend... aside from you'd be the people to provide the internet access so two sisters can talk.
JERKFACE: Oh, I understand what you mean, logistically I would have to call the ex to set that up though, and the differences and pain involved would be more than I am willing to endure. I mourned 2 children and my belief that the ex would be there for life. My daughter will mourn her brother and sister in time.
ME: Wow. That's actually pretty horrible thing for you to say, in my opinion.
I feel bad for your daughter, but you're right: you control the situation.
I understand things a lot more clearly now.
JERKFACE: Mile in my shoes would probably give you a better idea. My daughter hasn't mentioned her brother or sister to me in 2 months. Lemme ask you a question, how do you think it could work out better? Let's assume that my ex-girlfriend and her husband aren't telling the kids whatever they think the kids will want to hear for them to accept her husband back into thier lives after 8 years of absence. I'm doing the best I can for the two I can, my kids will form thier own view of what happens. But I am not going to hurt them further by being insincere about the split.
ME: (no response)
JERKFACE: I do like that you feel secure enough to talk to me about my kids, I do know this is probably not my strongest area of child rearing in that I barely understand the female mind ... And there is definitively a difference in thier minds and esteems at thier age.
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He was a terrible father. He never did anything with kids. They spent all of their free-time with Jerkface's sister or mom. Several times when we talked on the phone, he was drunk and the kids were crying for him in the background. I'd say "go take care of your kids" but then he'd just yell at them to shut up.
When he started bragging & laughing over the phone with me one night about how he made his ex-girlfriend cry earlier that day, I could clearly see he only took the kids to punish his ex.
I know of 2 psychopaths who got custody of their kids purely to get back at their ex. Of course they had no desire nor ability to parent these kids and barely played a role in their lives aside from living in the same house. The kids of course suffered the consequences and have serious psychological issues now. The mothers I'm sure were devastated and suffered severe psychological damage first by what they went through with the psychopath, then with the legal system for failing them.
I feel bad for the mother in your situation. Is she trying to get custody?
I quit talking to him for obvious reasons (that chat was our last), but with the mother, I was frustrated that she wasn't doing more to get her kids back --- or at least communicate with them. I felt like a mediator. When I first spoke to her, she seemed sincere... but as time went on, she developed a very nonchalant attitude about it.
I was working on my own issues and knew I had to stop "fixing" / "saving" people, so I stepped out of the picture entirely.