A sociopath or psychopath can and will be on any online dating site. There is no such thing as screening them out or a site free of them. In fact they probably will appear quite the catch.

Oh yes, they do appear quite the catch. I met mine on POF and he appeared so harmless that I let him hang around for months before I became interested.

He was, in fact, a catfish who kept a special e-mail address for all his dating site, porn, cyber-sex and hook-up site stuff. He received 30+ porn links a day in there (I estimated when I deleted 1500 of them myself) and juggled conversations with 10-12 women daily. I actually attempted to help him "clean up" his stinking catish site, in our second year, not grasping what he was. I had not yet heard the term.

I talked to another member of this forum today who said that her sociopathic ex referred to checking his dating sites as "checking his traps."

I am on 2 dating sites and I respond to men who write to me rarely. I know what most of them are doing on there. I currently have found a great penpal--a bright, articulate man with whom I write back and forth.

Btw, the ex now portrays me as a catfish ina part of my life that he has infiltrated. I had NO romantic involvement with ANY MAN during the 10 years before I met him. My photo is on my profile on this site. I have nothing to hide. Not only did I get catfished, I get to be called a catfish. That's what sociopaths do.

sanctus, just be very careful. Assume the worst. I know I will from now on.

Thank you for the input Jenkat. Darn. I really was hoping there would be a safe way to meet people with common interests..... : ( Kris. I am so sorry.that you met your predator on a dating site. I know what you mean about sociopaths calling you what they are themselves. It adds insult to injury. I do like the idea of a penpal and just someone to be a friend with who has common interests and values.

In that case, sanctus, I don't think it hurts to put up a profile. So long as you are careful and have strong boundaries.

In the 10 years before I met the catfish, I met around 100 men for coffee, and accepted no dates, except with 3 or 4 in the last two years of that time. I had a few platonic dates with each of those men and decided I didn't like them. Those men were carefully chosen so they accepted "no" and moved on. Additionally, I had penpal relationships with two others. Those were also platonic. One ended when the man started typing to me about his interest in pornography. The second ended after a phone call that didn't go well.

Beware of the sad sack that shuffles into your space and pretends he wants nothing more than conversation with an attractive and/or interesting woman, the man who pretends ot have no agenda, the man who is online every time you are. He is on there because fishing for vulnerable women is his life's work. I asked mine why he was online every single night (he appeared during one of my penpal relationships) and he said, "I don't watch TV. This is my entertainment." Ha! He is a predator and nothing makes him happy except predating. Beware of the snakes just slithering around and you should be fine.

Don't forget that catfish have access to those warning videos too and will change their modus operandi to suit. My therapist once told me it was useless forcing my husband into therapy because it just gives men like him more tools to con you with. I suspect these videos are the same. After using dating sites myself I also suspect that the concentration of con men on these sites is much higher than in the general population. Now you know what to look out for though it might be an idea for you to try. I live in a small country town and don't get to meet suitable single men so am thinking of trying again myself. Good luck with it if you do go this way.

One dead give-away as to the quality of the choices is how extremely unattractive most of them are--way, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay below average. I would say that their character is the same.

Yes, shaky, the concentration of com men is much higher. During my recent reconiliation with my catfishing ex, he admitted to having sex with several "ugly fat women" he met on dating sites and never saw again. I asked him why he would do that. He said, "I just wanted to have sex." Really? Who wants to be involved with such a splendid human specimen? I know I don't.

You are right that counseling just makes them worse. I demanded my ex make a video of a counseling session with his therapist during a recent reconciliation. By watching the video, I learned that the only reason my ex had sought counseling (with a colleague of my therapist) had been to smear me, as he had taunted me he was doing by e-mail. His "therapist" expressed total shock to hear that Dan had, in fact, beaten me, severely, lied about everything and used his "therapy" sessions to smear me. Psychopaths do not seek counseling in order to get better. They seek it for evil reasons, including learning more psychopathic skills.

I met mine on match.com. However sanctus I don't think you should avoid online dating sites. You're already a step ahead of most people in what you know. Only you can screen out potential trouble. My daughter was on eharmony for two years. She said she pushed the reject button at least 400 times. lol

You can meet a sociopath anywhere, as they are everywhere. And don't think church is safe or any guy who professes god belief. In fact be more leary of those types. The only advantage they have online is that they already have info about you which they will use to their advantage. If you think about it, your dating profile gives a predator so much to work with, your likes and dislikes, dreams, hopes and maybe weaknesses. So be very careful what you decide to share.

All these posts are so helpful - you will do just fine. My youngest son met his marvelous wife on Match.com. He had moved to San Antonio, TX and was working many hours at a new job. He owned a home with a pool and was sharing it with two great friends. He wanted to meet someone who was educated and enjoyed life. . Well, she appeared! A Special-Ed teacher who has a great personality! 10 years of marriage and a 7 1/2 yr old son and a 3 yr old daughter - living in Houston - both working and living in a gorgeous home in a new development. Both of them were ready. In fact, they were each other's first date on the site!

Let us know how you are doing.

Even if they do, those questionned could lie. And it seems many guys join that type of service looking for sex to satisfy their sexual urges to the detriment of those that the woman would have. Might not be the best road for a victim of a psychopath. I met a couple of women on the singles' phone lines. Even they for the most part are seeking sex. But I've been told the horror stories of the woman meeting a guy in a public place. and after a bit he wants her to go to his motel room he rented. That means SEX. Another met a guy she was with for awhile until he beat her up. Than it ended with police charges against him etcetra. If you go on EHarmony, becareful. Guys can be deceptive as to their intentions. If you go to meet somebody, than meet at a public place to avoid problems, like a donut shop. Let a friend know where you are going when you go to meet somebody or bring the person along. If a guy is decent he ought not object. I didn't.. Right now I'm not really looking. I'm too hyper vigilant due to the psychopaths in my life in the past.

I was curious about their screening process, so I just went to the site and they say that the screening process is basically trusting people to be honest. LOL. Gee, I used to be like that. What a beautiful world it would be If we could just trust people to be honest. So it looks like their screening process is zilch. After being "catfished" on another site, I would do a criminal background check, rental references, credit references and a drug test on someone before they set foot in my house, lest i have to deal with financial destruction, property destruction and panic disorder as my reward for being open-minded, compassionate, generous and most of all, trusting.

I didn't read all of the responses to your question, but I am a brand new member of this group joining tonight and saw your post and can very quickly and easily say that eHarmony does not screen it's members for sociopaths. I'm going through a divorce right now from one who I met on eHarmony. Unfortunately, I think the only screening that can be done is by us personally. The only positive thing I can say about my experience with my husband is I feel now equipped to look for the warning signs to protect myself from predators going forward. I'm very lucky he took from me only the little bit that he did. It could have been much much worse. For that I'm grateful!

Thank you all for your answers to my questions and advice. I appreciate it very much! Nomore1234, that is some scary stuff. How long did you know your husband before you married him? I do feel my past experience better equips me to know if someone is pathological when I meet them. I tend to get an internal unsettling when I meet these types now. It is a bristling feeling that is not pleasant. The funny thing is, I used to get that feeling when I first met my ex P. I ignored it and mischaracterized it as excitement...: (.....

I had that birstling feeling with my ex, too. It worked to his advantage because my ex-husband had been so smooth and charming. My recent P ex was frequently socially inappropriate, un-PC, rude and mean-spirited. He could also be outrageously funny, verbally facile, interesting and engaging though. I took the nasty parts as proof of his genuineness. It was the wrong judgment. The nasty parts were downright evil and very well-hdden from view.