Victims of Psychopaths Community Group
Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.
A part of me and some friends agree that my exhautive research into this specific sociopath's past life is healthy and I have to admit that I am locking him up because of that. But there is a part of me that would give anything to know who the man who invented the character that I let into my life is. Data: where was he born, what is his social background, cultural context, connections, family, real ethnicity (because no, he's not 50% Navajo or Diné, and that was the most complicated part of his research), etc.
In the past, I was accused by some men of using them to write stories. I already have 41 pages and 21 thousand words written on him (and my real work is piling up). Will I publish a book on the case? I don't know. That's not the point.
I have about 3000 e-mails to analyze. I turned the internet upside down for whatever, but he is very smart. And my ethics doesn't allow me to hack into his computer, which is still here with me: the police doesn't know to which case to send. Also, it's rational: if I do, I might compromise the case.
What about you? Did any of you get obsessed with the facts, beyond their practicality?
In the past, I was accused by some men of using them to write stories. I already have 41 pages and 21 thousand words written on him (and my real work is piling up). Will I publish a book on the case? I don't know. That's not the point.
I have about 3000 e-mails to analyze. I turned the internet upside down for whatever, but he is very smart. And my ethics doesn't allow me to hack into his computer, which is still here with me: the police doesn't know to which case to send. Also, it's rational: if I do, I might compromise the case.
What about you? Did any of you get obsessed with the facts, beyond their practicality?
I can't say if this is healthy or not. Most would probably agree that it isn't. But I definitely become obsessed and need more information. I need to solve the puzzle. I can't let go until I figure it all out.
What's weird is that my gut was telling me all along that the guy was lying but I couldn't prove it. Also, he was extremely handsome and charming, with quick explanations for everything. Each time I was suspicious, he had me thinking I was paranoid or something! I remember even saying to him in the early days of our relationship, "You are an expert at lies of omission, aren't you?" I said this because I had already noticed that when he spoke of male friends he used their names but when he referred to anyone as a friend or co-worker, it was always female. He laughed out loaud and replied, "Oh, I'm not that smart." When I first saw his apartment, I thought it was odd and said, "This place feels like a hotel room. It lacks history and there aren't many personal items. It's like you could be living two lives." He laughed and told me he had just moved in and that he had a ton of stuff still in storage. Oh, how I wish I had trusted my instincts and walked away right then and there. By breaking it all down, I am now able to see so many red flags. I now know what to watch for in the future. These people are predators and knowledge is the only thing that might protect us from them!
Like Agent Smith, I don't know if the quest for knowledge is healthy or not but I too want to solve the puzzle. I just don't want to be in the dark any more and each piece of information I uncover lights up another corner of the room. I kept a journal throughout my relationship with a psychopath and by the time I ended it with him I had over 400 pages!!! It makes it easy to fill in the blanks as I uncover the truth behind the story. I may tweak it into a fictional novel some day. Maybe that will be the only good thing to come out of my interaction with this guy. :-)
This last one I dated, when I first started dating him and he would get texts, I would jokingly say (probably due to my paranoia from past psychos) "is that your wife?" He'd say, "I don't have a wife." Of course, I would have never in a million years believed he had a wife. It was just a joke.
6 months into our joke of a relationship, due to his shady behavior and finding out he was still secretly in contact with his "ex gf" after always telling me he never talked to any exes and hated them all and wanted nothing to do with them, I googled both their names together and came up with a marriage license!! Immediately, I looked for a divorce record. None. I drove like a maniac straight to his apt to confront him about his WIFE. He very calmly stood there and said "I don't have a wife." I said I just saw the f-ing marriage certificate!! He again, very calmly, stated that he did not have a wife, was not married, that he had gotten a divorce and had to pay a lawyer $700 for it, blah blah blah. I said where, there is no divorce record anywhere, I already looked. He then concocted this story about how he got it in another state, when he happened to be down there for his daughter's wedding. He stuck to this story for another year and continued to lie about this other woman, secretly talking to her EVERY DAY behind my back and hiding his phone from me all the time. I had multiple people tell me that you can only get divorced in the county that you are the spouse reside in, and that getting the divorce out of state would have been impossible. But he had told me this detailed story about how he did it and why he did it there (so that she could stay on his insurance longer, for her kid's sake). So a year later, when I again caught him talking to her, I finally contacted her myself and got the truth. They are still married.
My theory is that this lying starts very early in childhood. I think they lie to adults and other children, find out that people are easy to fool...and then they get addicted to the ego boost and advantages they get from it. If I'm right, there's no reforming them...they are truly incorrigible. They've lived this way their whole lives and they don't know any other way of living.
The differnce is that they are (genetically or conditioned) unempathic towards everyone. But all of us here are 100% unempathic towards the culprit. I fail to understand the difficulty some women have in avoiding contact. I never even answered the calls from prison. I'm not angry. He's not human: he's just a thing. A very, very interesting thing.
RichieD: if the research I read is reliable, like their cousins, the psychopaths, sociopaths can't be "cured". As I told in another thread, the one that married me is extremely talented as a coach, kinesiologist and writer. I estimated his annual income from scammiing in 30-40 thousand dollars. That is mediocre. He could be making over 130.000 with his talent, from honest work and less time consuming activities.
But as you say, he's addicted to scamming, to the internet, to the underworld that he learned to dominate. He prefers to make 30 grand than 130 with less work. Why? Because he's not human: he's a thing that operates on a different logic.
I know if he stays in prison longer he will probably be killed. I absolutely don't care.