That is pretty much it lovechild. I hate it when people refer to my end of torture as a breakup. There is nothing about a P relationship that even comes close to a breakup. Ha! I ended up in the psychiatric ward of the hospital being assessed because I was nearly catatonic with grief. One minute he has tears rolling down his eyes telling me with the most gut wrenching words how much he loved me and could never be without me. The next minute he had fled leaving me a house and ALL of his things never to be heard from again. That is until he was picked up from the federal police several months later and he decided some contact with me would be useful again....I disagreed and did not respond by then. I was engaged to be married to him with our wedding weeks away. We had built a life and family. Yes looking back on things they were awful but at the time this all happened I was in the middle of a P game and was completely taken by surprise at what I had discovered. I was fucked up bad. Disappeared like a fart in the wind while I was a heap on the ground thinking he had ran off to commit suicide. I was desperate with worry despite the mounting evidence. He left me a catatonic mess to run off with his ex who was the only person willing to take him in. He hid out there for several months, "blissful", while I had to confront the truth about his life and what that meant for me. He did not even take one pair of underwear with him. Endings? nah Breakup? nah Closure? never! Here is what I know. End it and get closure on your own for yourself. If you were able to talk with him, he would just lie. You are better than that. My screen name was chosen for a reason. Living in truth is far better than the lie. Please work on accepting YOU WILL NEVER GET FROM HIM WHAT YOU DESIRE. IT IS NOT A NEED FOR HEALING. I PROMISE. I HAVE BEEN THERE.

I am looking as outsider on his life right now and I can tell you that he does not want to give closure. The more people he gets into this, the more chaos. A bunch of people are concentrating their positive and negative energy on him and fed him. That puts him in the center of many people''s lives.
And of course the desire to live a door open, if the supply runs out.

Both of you are very accurate I think. They don't give closure so that they are always creeping in your mind. A couple times I think he tried to end it but whenever he did he would just come on stronger the next day. Was so odd. Suppose he panicked and thought I actually accepted the ending.
That is a big part of my issue. I don't need to talk to him anymore. No point. But because it was left with me asking if we could talk and him not responding a big part of me wants to write him and end it - my way. No need to talk or respond.

The P in my life would actually break up with me at night, and I would wake up to a voicemail, "I didn't mean any of that," in the morning. Several times a week in the first year. They enjoy savoring a victim's pain. He overused that ploy so much that it caused little pain, other than the frustration and annoyance of precious life being wasted. He had a a large repertoire of emotionally cruel games so he simply ramped up the ones that worked best, and left that one behind.

When he wanted me gone after 3 years, he emotionally tortured me until I left. I remember sobbing daily for the last 3 months.

Closure? Now I am trying to get him to return my belongings I left behind over a year ago. We've been communicating, if you want to call it that. I received a couple of songs from him in the middle of the night, including "Why Don't You Kiss My Ass," and Maneater." I'm a maneater. Yep.

Why do they love using songs to "communicate". Mine was always sending me songs. Well and sending them to everyone else too. Otherwise he spent most of his time telling me he was preparing to suicide...he even said he would just do it at my front door.

To be fair, my ex is a musician. However, psychopaths use songs and poems, riddles and double meanings, to commicate in order to create ambiguity and layered meanings from which they can choose, leaving the victim in confusion.

Absolutely. Poems and "writings" were his favorite..and he thought he was so good at it. He's even writing a book about himself and all the people who have victimized him.
The love to cause confusion in us. I was constantly confused after the love bombing ended.

I do not think the very disordered can write a coherent book. I wish him luck with that lol. It will sound like the ravings of a madman. Because that's what it will be.

If he gives me closure, he will have to give closure to the girl before me who still thinks they are soul mates, and to the mother of his child who is stuck because he did not keep his promise and went to figure himself out. He puts women in the place where closure should stand. He doesn't want to be held accountable and doesn't feel the pain of other people who suffered from him.
You cannot write him and end this. The psychopath is an abyss. And we already know they are capable of sacrificing human life to get what they want.

Exactly dana! The only thing that really pisses them off is when you get closure without them, able to move on and are happy. I know this takes some time but it can happen. I had some feedback after 2 years of NC with my first P. During the whole non-contact by me, he stopped trying to contact me pretty quickly. I felt a little left behind for awhile and had trouble understanding how he could stop our love so quickly, before I was able to move forward. Well come to find out, even though he had stopped trying to communicate he was very invested in my life. Stalking me online and from afar, raging over me moving on, new relationship, new baby, new home. He would not stop talking about me to the new OW. She hated me for it. I made a new life for myself that does not include him and he is not part of my mindset. While he is a scary, scary dude and I don't like that he hates me to this degree because I always have to be on the lookout for his return (no doubt he would kill me to regain control), I also feel a smidge of satisfaction that he is sooooooo angry about my new life and yet he does not mean a thing to me. Sort of a role reversal. lovechild, if you want to make a statement....make one with complete silence and move on. Don't just say it but live it. He will not like that you gave yourself closure because that is part of the game. The nice side effect is that by the time this all happens, you won't give a crap about what he feels anyway. You know you have overcome when you no longer feel love OR HATE. Just nothing. Every communication you have with him just reinforces the notion that he is important to you and you are too weak to live without him. And it will not matter if you give him love or hate in your letter....it is all the same to a P.

The thing that scared me most was that he looked at me like a source of supply, by no means a human being with emotions. Psychopaths lead a parasitic life style. Hop from one body to another. And that's it. You cannot participate in it when you understand that you have been the host for a parasite and start healing.

My closure is the disgust I feel. I am disgusted that this man is using his daughter as an excuse for a lack of commitment and pain he causes. I am disgusted he does it with very young, insecure girls. I am disgusted by the fact he bragged about being with an 18 year old and abused her and now smears her to cover for himself.
I don't want anything to do with this.

It is interesting that you say that about him not looking at you like a human being. That is how I describe feeling ABOUT my ex. HE is not a human being. I guess that is why I can feel so "meh" about him. And I will feel "meh" about his death when that word reaches me......relief for my fellow human beings.

Young girls with no experience, what a challenge that must be! Motivated fella, huh?

How often does your ex see your daughter and how is their relationship?

I don't have children from this man , thank god, if it me you were asking about.
I was the youngest girl with biggest age gap between us. He was 49 at the time and I was 18.
He has a daughter from another woman who is 20 years younger and she according to him expected him to marry her. He wouldn't do it before getting to know her better and living with her. So now he goes to see his daughter and new girlfriend at a foreign country every six months. He tried to bring the new girlfriend to his homeland , but she refused so their passionate relationship is long distance. 4 WOMEN IN 4 YEARS.

They do not treat people as human beings. And they are as human as a vampire is.

I struggle with closure. I was doing pretty well until a few weeks before Xmas when he pulled me back into his cruel game. Since then I've been in a lot of emotional pain again. It's hard to comprehend that I was with this man for five years and he abused me so badly that I really had no choice but to leave.

I felt like he wanted to prove to others he'd tried to make it work with me and his daughter but knew that we had nothing to offer so he was really trying to make me go. He got a load of sympathy since I left.he has been on about seven dating sites, he joined one two days after I left him.he has been in two 'relationships' since I left him last May. Been in love twice in 12 months!

I hurt everyday, I want to heal but I can't understand how anyone can be so cruel. It's insane.

strength, It is so cruel it's insane. I know the pain is horrible. I am on my second trip through this, and I promise you, it does get better. The first one almost never crosses my mind anymore. You are young and you are going to have another love someday. With everything you are learning now, you will choose better next time. Hugs.