I question it all the time...especially now that he is in a new relationship and he looks so happy with her in photos....then I remind myself I was once her and his charm will disappear soon. There just isnt any other way to describe his behavior other than sociopath.....the man I knew and fell for would never say such things behind my back and smile in my face, abandon his daughter and tell people it was a fake pregnacy, cheat on me, lie to me, manipulate me......I know for sure that is not love and why he hurts my heart to be alone and raising our child...I know its whats best for the safety of my child and my well being.

Theview,
It's crazy how all of our stories are so similar...character assasination, cheating, lying, manipulating abandonment ( he left me and our 2 1/2 year old son claiming to work with his uncle and get help with his PTSD to come back a better man for his family, all lies) He too is in a "happy" relationship, moved in with her 3 weeks after they met. I dont miss him or the nightmare I was living, I just try to make sense of it and wind up questioning myself because theres no sense to be made. So after reading your response it makes me feel better because it puts it all into perspective again.

Theview,
It's crazy how all of our stories are so similar...character assasination, cheating, lying, manipulating abandonment ( he left me and our 2 1/2 year old son claiming to work with his uncle and get help with his PTSD to come back a better man for his family, all lies) He too is in a "happy" relationship, moved in with her 3 weeks after they met. I dont miss him or the nightmare I was living, I just try to make sense of it and wind up questioning myself because theres no sense to be made. So after reading your response it makes me feel better because it puts it all into perspective again.

I used to until I went to a psychiatrist for PTSD symptoms. After seeing the reaction of a psychiatrist towards his behaviour, and focusing on his behaviour to help explain my PTSD symptoms, I'm pretty sure my ex has Antisocial Personality Disorder/Sociopathy/Psychopathy. If the psychiatrist found his behaviour abnormal, it is truly abnormal. Also, my psychologist has alluded to the fact that mine is a "master manipulator" and "con artist", also "mentally disordered". His parents have told me he lacks empathy too and doesn't respect boundaries. Also, how else can my PTSD symptoms be explained...As they say, I think "the proof is in the pudding" for me.

Despite all of this, I still sometimes question things, but I think it's more the result of his manipulation of me and lies.

I did during the first year after I left him. Even after I heard the horrible stories from our daughter of how he treated our children when no one was looking, I still kept thinking, "Maybe I'm wrong?" - mostly after having contact with him.

2 years later, I have no doubt he's an N/S and I don't question it any longer... but you have to break the addiction to see the situation clearly. I've been N/C (aside from the "co-parenting" bologna) for more than a year.

BTW, just some advice for any parent just leaving their relationship: Get a DETAILED parenting plan put into a court order ASAP. Don't leave any room for loopholes because someone who's pathological will exploit any gray areas as much as they can and use it as a way to make contact again.

I THINK ITS PART OF THE PROCESS FOR EACH OF US TO FEEL THIS WAY. I WISH SO BADLY I COULD FIND A DIFFERENT REASON OR BE WRONG, BUT IT IS IMPOSSIBLE.....HE FITS EVERY SINGLE , TINY, EXPLANATION OF WHAT ONE IS TO A T....IT SCARES ME TO DEATH THE MORE I SEE THINGS THAT MAKE IT MORE SO ,,,,THAT CAME WITH OPENING MY EYES. HONESTLY, I DONT WANT HIM TO BE ONE, BUT HE IS. I QUESTIONED IT A LOT IN THE FIRST 5 MONTHS BUT NOW I AM SLOWLY ECCEPTING THE REALITY OF THE TRUTH. I THINK ITS ALSO SO SHOCKING AT FIRST, BUT WHEN YOU KNOW YOU JUST KNOW. IVE RECENTLY MET ANOTHER IN PASSING AND IM SEEING MY S IN THIS PERSON, ALL I CAN SAY IS OMG. ITS LIKE THEY ARE THE SAME PERSON. VOID OF ANY PERSONALITY, TALKING IN CIRCLES ABOUT NOTHING TRYING TO THROW ME OFF SUBJECTS , SO SHALLOW, IT FRICKEN SCARES THE HELL OUT OF ME TO KNOW I TRUSTED MY LIFE TOO SUCH A NOTHING OF A HUMAN. IF I CAN EVEN CALL HIM HUMAN. EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON , THIS HAS HAPPENED TO ME BECAUSE IM SUPPOSED TO LEARN FROM THIS AND NOT LET IT HAPPEN TO ME AGAIN, I BELIEVE THAT. I THINK ITS PART OF ACCEPTANCE WHEN YOU STOP ALL THE QUESTIONING OF IF ITS REAL OR NOT, IM SEEING THINGS I NEVER SAW BEFORE IN OTHERS AND I CANT IGNORE IT ANYMORE, IN A WAY IT MAKES ME SO SO SAD, PART OF ME DOESNT WANT TO SEE ANYMORE BUT IT KEEPS COMING....YES I USED TO FEEL THIS WAY EVERY DAY BUT NOW I JUST KNOW INSIDE THAT HE IS A S. I CANT CLOSE MY EYES TO IT ANYMORE EVEN IF I WANT TO.. IT TAKES WHAT IT TAKES AND IT ALSO TAKES TIME.......REALITY BITES RIGHT NOW IM JUST TRYING SO HARD TO JUST WALK THRU IT AND STAY ALIVE. I DONT EVER WANT TO GO THRU THIS OR ANYTHING LIKE IT EVER AGAIN, AS MUCH AS I WISH HE WASNT....HE IS ONE.

FORWHATREASON,

YOU DID NOT MAKE ANYONE THIS WAY, HE WAS THIS WAY A LONG TIME AGO, DONT EVER BLAME YOURSELF FOR ANY OF THIS, THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT !!!! BIG HUGS

HANG IN YOU WILL GET THRU THIS
BELLA
ALMOST 8 MONTHS NOW

I agree with Bella, I dont think any of us here made them what they are. They just ARE that way unfortunately.

I have known since about 2 weeks after his D & D-2 mos ago that he is a S/N and keep finding out more
crap to prove it.
Yesterday I found out from his relative that he admitted to him that he killed a man. He
was questioned for it 3 years ago, but they could not prove it was not an accident.
I am still in shock! It is awful. I pulled up the article about the man's being missing and found dead..
it is very different from the lies my ex told me. I want to puke.

And when people speak of their eyes growing cold and evil, I truly saw that as well.
It was about a month ago, I had a weak moment and let him come over for sex. He had
that empty soul-less dark look, and It was scary. he put his hands on my throat
he never did when we were together.
I got the phone app. called Mr Number to block him, and put it to use 4 days ago. I hope it
works.

I have wondered the same thing, and I still do if my xS & N are what I think they are. Well, my psychologist firmly diagnosed that my N is a N, so I'm pretty sure he is in addition to the fact that he fits all the traits. And my xS is also an S, I'm pretty positive. The fact that he lies about the tiniest and unnecessary things makes me think he is definitely an S (and of course, he fits the S description to a T). When I first encountered an article that talked about traits of S, it was like a lightening bolt hit me. It was like the article was describing my S!!
And I agree with Bella and halfaheartremains, they are what they are. They don't change no matter who they are with. Some people (including myself in the past) put up with their behavior and see more of the traits, but some people don't put up with them and don't see as much of their bad behavior as others, but I believe they are what they are.

Yes, I firmly believe that mine is an N/S. His ex wife called him an N, but truly he fits the qualities of the nomadic sociopath, drifting and scamming off others. He is also a con artist and manipulator, who seems to lie about his degree of emotional attachment to others. He is not the worst of the worst,but sociopaths come in varieities from mild to severe, and he is of a mild variety, but an S nonetheless. I am still sad about the d and d, but it would have been so much worse 10-20 years down the road. I don't hate him...really...he is what he is. I just know I can never be intimately involved with him again.

No. Unfortunately I have absolutely NO doubt that my ex is a sociopath. Nobody else would do that kind of crazy behaviour. It wasnt even in his own interests half the time.

I have no doubt he is a sociopath, he is a textbook case. I never absolutely never have doubts about it. The more i read, the more i know absolutely that he is... :( which is a shame as i loved him, and if it wasnt for that, i would still be with him today :( all his bad things were sociopathic. Its a shame as it makes me doubt his good things he does.

No. Unfortunately I have absolutely NO doubt that my ex is a sociopath. Nobody else would do that kind of crazy behaviour. It wasnt even in his own interests half the time.

I have no doubt he is a sociopath, he is a textbook case. I never absolutely never have doubts about it. The more i read, the more i know absolutely that he is... :( which is a shame as i loved him, and if it wasnt for that, i would still be with him today :( all his bad things were sociopathic. Its a shame as it makes me doubt his good things he does.

Forwhatreason, it worries me a little bit that you feel you are to blame in ANY way. You are not. A pathological liar is some kind of psychotic....or Disordered...or whatever technical term it takes to hit it right.....the important thing is to recognize that a Pathological Liar is freaking MESSED UP. A white lie---yes we all tell occasionally. A Path Liar is easy to differentiate and easy to know---bad, bad news and GET AWAY (sorry for yelling, I can't bold type on here).

It must be natural to look at ourselves for some blame...but the further out I've gotten, the more at peace I am---I would have done (and did do) anything on earth to help mine---there was no helping.

Elizabeth,
Thanks for your response, I am away, far away thankfully.....I don't blame myself I just question it from time to time because it's so unbelievable to think I loved and was with an S for so long. It's all just so mind boggling and confusing. Please keep me and my son in your prayers, as he's trying to fight for joint custody and even tho I have a good case against him I'm terrified, he's already started with the lies on the papers he filed. I just want him out of our lives. I'll be praying for you and your kids. Godspeed