Well, it depends on the audience. When the people I talk to understand insanity and are not in denial about manifestations of evil in people, then I refer to biological father as the psychopath or "cuckoo" for short. For audiences that deny the existence of evil or are in denial about insanity in their own family (or personal life), then I don't talk much about my ordeals with psychos. What's the point? They're co-dependents who are also insane. There's no point wasting energy on them.

I agree with Aryianna. There are people who truly live in denial because they don't want to believe evil exists. I've noticed that those specific people will deny deny deny every single situation that involves an abusive/psychopathic person. These are the victim blamers of society. They live in denial because then they can convince themselves that bad things can't ever happen to them. If it's all the victim's fault, and they never do whatever the victim did to cause this to happen, then it'll never happen to them.

I consider it a HUGE red flag now whenever I talk about the various psychopaths in my life, and the people listening don't react, or react in a way that sympathizes with the criminal. These people have ALWAYS turned out to be very unstable and/or bad people themselves. It's a good way to figure out who needs weeded from your life.

I notice both of you intertwine the words evil and psychopath. How does one differentiate between evil and illness?

It does not matter Waiting. It is the same thing and outcome.

Exactly what AgentSmith says. A lot of victim blaming out there. tThere are very few
people I'd share my story with for fear of getting slammed or looking like I'm the crazy
one. Besides this board and others like it, I only talk to my therapist and one
close friend about it. Any other time i've talked about my exP and ex P in laws it hasn't
gone well.

bettybean.....I am facing the same thing with the in laws. I always knew they weren't normal, but now when push comes to shove, and i have told them the insane and disgusting acts their son has committed, NOPE, no he isn't. Complete denial, and victim blaming. It is a whole new form of abuse. I sit here deciding which abuse I prefer.

Psychopathy or Anti Social Personality Disorder is not considered mental illness. In fact, personality disorders are not considered mental illness. Most psychologists will not deal with them. They are not covered by insurance. You can not get on disability for them. They are considered part of the personality and for the most part, untreatable. The only one that I could say people attempt to treat is Borderline PD. And BPD is kind of a catch-all for many different symptoms and probably doesn't belong in the cluster B category.

So don't ever feel sorry for a psychopath, thinking of them as ill. This is not psychosis. They DO understand the difference between right and wrong and choose to do wrong anyway. They understand that they inflict pain on others and do it anyway, in fact, they get enjoyment out of it. Thus, they are truly evil creatures.

It is still very hard for me to convey to others how disturbing and creepy, it is to be in the presence of someone so passive and clinical as he was.
He is not a serial killer or the most dangerous person alive, but I experienced him as so empty, manipulative, arrogantly entitled that he scares me just as much.
I don't use the term psychopath with others. I use abusive and state what he has happened to me with him.

In my experience, generally people do not understand psychopathy unless they have been through it or had a direct connection in some way. I had no idea either until I understood on a personal level. I do not use these terms with people because on the occasion that I have with close friends, even they develop this stare that says "she is crazy, this is life, people are assholes, move on" The people I can talk openly with are a couple friends who have been in these kinds of relationships themselves. What I do say is "He has some pretty severe issues, was involved with hidden criminal activity and I was dealing with abuse". I have shown evidence to those people who have asked and allowed the grapevine to work. Those people who have seen the evidence and KNOW the truth have done my work for me. In the end, he was discredited and removed from social circles (including his own family and friends), but it is because I went through the torture of being patient and careful with my words. Using clinical terms like we all understand here is a sentence for people thinking you are trying to get revenge on the psychopath and that the lies they are saying about you are true. I also was able to get in front of him so when he did start the smear campaign, the evidence of my truth had already been seen, no one believed his shit. You have to find a couple people that you can talk to openly and then edit your words with others. It is hard to do. But in general, most people do not want to listen to negative crap about relationships, most really don't care who was right/wrong, they will go with the person who makes them feel better about themselves and their own lives. I hate that this is true, but it is. I have a couple of close friends who I have had for 20 years who hated my ex, but I still had to be careful about my conversations with them. While they were supportive of me, they thought I should have seen who he was, I still get the feeling that they blame me partially for allowing it to happen, and wanted the old me back. It does not mean they are not friends, but maybe just not friends who I can share my heart with. But they also would be the first people to have my back had they had any contact with him at any point. Anyway, just censor what you say and write.

--"But in general, most people do not want to listen to negative crap about relationships,
most really don't care who was right/wrong, they will go with the person who makes
them feel better about themselves and their own lives. "

EXACTLY LiveInTruth!!! So true.

I agree with you both. I am finally coming to a stage where I can see that. I was in such a crisis before of pain and shock with everything that he has done that I just needed to tell everyone. Initially I told no one. Then slowly slowly I began telling people. I still have this urge to drop her name here and there but I try to refrain, although if it comes up, I won't be protecting them.

Fortunately I've come to a place where I don't have that need so much anymore. I began to realize, it too is a selfish act, not so different than what 'they're' doing, and am able to spare people the story. I have actually not heard from 'friends' because of it. One really finds out who their true friends are during an event like this.

I did hear not too long ago that my husband is having an affair, so that was the proof I needed that people will come to find out. They will dig their own graves, and yes Liveintruth, patience is rewarding. Time is a beautiful thing. It is a double edge sword able to hurt and able to heal depending what it's job is.