No, I think those that do are not familiar with psychopathy. Of course, we need to take responsibility to protect and save ourselves once we know we are dealing with a psychopath. But this is very, very hard to do. We should not be expected to do this flawlessly. And we should not be blamed for falling into the trap in the first place. We are dealing with pure evil. We are not superhuman beings. We are up against something huge.

agree with kris 100 %. did you see a therapists that has said this to you ????? if so, find a new therapist before more damage is done to you. hell NO we are not to blame. if we are then there are thousands, and i use that number very lightly, of people who should be blaming themselves for meeting and entangling with sociopaths out there ?????? i think not. seriously im curious if this is just a question or if someone has told you are to blame for this????????????

No, they shouldn't say it is your fault. Then it would probably be anyone in your life's fault for falling for it too. Maybe you should have seen red flags, and maybe you should have left earlier, but that doesn't mean it's YOUR fault. It's not like we have a crystal ball to know it's all bs. If they blame you I would tell them to literally go F themselves and leave.

Even if after a few months they are pushing you to "get over it" I mean within reason - if you are still so obsessed you can't move on or function then you do need to get a grip - the only person you are hurting is you. But if they don't want you to talk about it anymore, or feel you should have moved past it by now like a normal break up RUN. I was really nervous with my therapist that she was going to do this, and she didn't. Even if I didn't bring up the topic, she brought it up to see how I was feeling about it, and we'd talk about it for as long as I wanted to. She would reinforce that it wasn't my fault, and it didn't matter what kind of woman I was, if anything was different about me, he would do the same, and he will do the same as he did with me to the new one. She constantly reiterated that It was him not me, but I need to also focus on figuring out what my values are, and build boundaries to not allow this type of relationship to happen again.

It's important to ask them right away if they are familiar with Cluster B personalitiies/sociopaths/narcissism.......or domestic violence could be helpful as well.


Can I ask why you asked?

yes, i think we are very curious why you asked because if someone out there is telling you this is your fault, you need to understand IT IS NOT !!!!!!!! and if its really a counselor then yes, RUN. !!!!!!

I'll add my voice to what's been said...No, absolutely not...we are absolutely not to blame for the things that were done to us.

Just because someone is a counselor does not mean they know what they're doing. The legal requirements for counselors are extremely lax. I had a friend who was a professional counselor. She was a nice person, more or less...but having it together in her personal life?...no way. I wouldn't take her advice on anything.

Absolutely not! I would even say that means, get a new counselor.

We need counselors who understand psychopathy, NPD, BPD, sometimes OCPD. They should understand PTSD and work with traumatized people. If they say they work with PDs, this usually only means borderlines and they won't understand.

Being picked by a sick person is not our fault. To see better why, read Sandra Brown's book, Women Who Love Psychopaths (does not matter if you are a woman or a man -- I think her points would apply no matter what genders are involved).

Perhaps what we do or don't do in response is fertile ground for therapy, but not necessarily for blame. I recommend looking into guilt/blame vs shame. Shame damages us and is not deserved. Maybe some guilt if we did not make good decisions is deserved and indicates areas to work on. But really, if you make bad decisions which are the best of bad choices, should you be blamed? I say NO!

Hell NO!

No, in response to this, did you ask if she/he had experience or understanding of psychopathic behaviour? If the answer is no, then perhaps this isn't the right counsellor for you.

When I did counselling training, I was taught that the answers are always inside of the client. The counsellors role is to help the client to find the answer for themselves.

If this counsellor is blaming .... this isn't good practice. It is good practice, to work with the client to see how did this happen? What were the weaknesses there that the abuser played on, how can we strengthen these? How can damage be fixed? But never ever blaming someone.

That isn't a supportive relationship. In a relationship with a counsellor you have to trust that person 100%. I would make a complaint before I left... and explain why. But if otherwise you feel you have a good relationship with this person. Maybe explain how her stance has made you feel about you? And ask gently does she understand about psychopathic behaviour? How it works and the effects on you, the victim.

Ok postivagirl do you say that I need to find a counselor that works with ptsd people?

you need to find one that works with personality disorders , mainly psychopathy. they all know what ptsd is. but if they are not educated about psychpaths, sociopaths or narcissists and the damage they do to their victims then they will not know or understand the depth of what you have been and are still going through. this is very important.

Oh bella, Sweet Lady, Contact me when you can. Hugs.