Victims of Psychopaths Community Group

Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.

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Breakingfree06 10/03/2016

I have been dealing with an emotionally manipulative sibling for years. Everything I've read has led me to the realization that I cannot stop her. I now know that the only thing I can change is how I deal with her behavior. However, "dealing" is proving easier said than done.

I've only recently realized that my younger sister was an emotionally manipulative narcissist. After getting sucked into her games, as I call them, I had an emotional breakdown. I got on the internet to try to find a therapist as I was starting to believe that I was losing it, thinking perhaps I was just paranoid. At this time I stumbled on an article about emotional manipulation and narcissism. It described my sister to a T. It was then that I had my lightbulb moment. I had been manipulated all these years and my emotional breakdown was the result of it.

One of the hardest things that I have to process is the effect that her manipulation has had on our family. They don't see any wrong doing on her part and it leaves me looking like the bad guy because I don't want to be around her. In order to protect myself, I uprooted my family and we moved over a 1000 mi away from our hometown where she lives. I thought this would be the end of it. I was wrong. I don't want to get together for holidays. This keeps our family apart (our parents and our brother and his family). I believe they see the fault as mine, I want to be around them, just not her.

I read an article that said the manipulator will not admit their faults and try to project them back on to you. They will make your life hell and then make it look like it is they that are the victim. She has successfully done this with my family. The only one that talks to me now is my Mom. It probably doesn't help that most of my family and friends live in the same town as her and I'm so far away.

It seems to bother her that she can't control me so she still tries to control others view of me but she does so in such a way that makes it look to others as if she is actually supporting me and I'm the irrational one. If this doesn't make sense, I can give examples if anyone wants. What I'm not dealing with well, is that other people I care about didn't think of me well enough to see through her lies. It hurts. I don't know how to cope with all this. I can't beat her at her game...I don't even want to play her game. I just want it to end!

AgentSmith 10/03/2016

Your story sounds very typical of a personality disordered individual. They are very good at projection and manipulation. Did you ever end up seeing a therapist and talking about this? A therapist could help you set healthy boundaries. I think moving away was a good thing. I have some personality disordered individuals in my family and I had to set boundaries and distance myself from them and then I slowly allowed them into my life but put them in check every time they stepped out of line. It was a very long process that took years.

Breakingfree06 10/03/2016

Thanks for your reply. I didn't end up seeing a therapist although I still may. A lot was cleared up for me when I realized that I wasn't delusional. So much of what the articles said she would do, she did. I will research personality disorder. How were you able to keep your family members in check when they stepped out of line?

I tried once to call out my sister. It didn't turn out well. I caught her in a lie in front of other family and then everyone just ignored it...like it didn't happen. She got away with it again and she continues to lie to control outcomes.

AgentSmith 10/04/2016

That is very typical. In a dysfunctional family, the others usually want to ignore the dysfunction and pretend it is normal. And when you do set healthy boundaries, it WILL get worse before it gets better. The personality disordered/abusive person will fight even harder to maintain that control they once had over you. That's why it's always the most dangerous when someone gets a restraining order against an abuser. That's usually when these abusive men end up killing ex wives/girlfriends is AFTER the restraining order has been given. Because they need to be in control and they don't want anyone taking that control away. So you have to be very strong to be able to set these boundaries and stick to them when she and the rest of the family is trying to make you out to be the bad guy. Because that's what will happen at first and it will take a long time before she realizes she's not going to be able to push you around anymore. Do you know of anyone who she doesn't treat like this? Is there anyone that she knows she can't get away with her shit with? If so, I would pay attention to how that person behaves. That is going to be a healthy person with healthy boundaries and she knows she can't get away with her shit with that person. You basically have to train yourself how to be healthier and to no longer be a willing victim. It's a very long process but it's definitely something a therapist should be able to help with. They'd be able to tell you what to do/say when she steps out of line.

Breakingfree06 10/04/2016

"You basically have to train yourself how to be healthier and to no longer be a willing victim." Thank you. Yes, you are very right.

ketland93 10/09/2016

I know how you feel buddy.
Im dealing with a sociopathic mother. Shes insane and creates chaos in the house.
My older sister and brother have moved out and im with her all alone.
I have a therapist and a psychatrist that just dont believe me and wont acknoledge that im dealing with a cunning and manipulative sociopath.
She makes herself look like the victim.
Once I found out shes a sociopath she even managed to hospitalize me in a mental institute through lies and deceit.
Fucking hell man. I guess itll just make us stronger... Hang in there.

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