Victims of Psychopaths Community Group
Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.
Hi, I have 2 children aged 6 (girl) and 8 (boy) with an ex husband who has been diagnosed by a clinical psychologist (mid 2010) as having the behaviours of a psychopath. I separated in jan 2010. To then find out that I was set up and was targeted by this man and his freinds because I had real money and they had paper money.
Regardless of the set up. And now calling a 4 year investigation quits because of the laws in New Zealand and how everyone has supported his behaviour. The fact is we had children together the 2 above during that marriage. And the fact I had to hand over 50% of shared care post relationship due to statements of that if I didn't hand over un supervised access, I could loose care of our children all together.
The fact is 4 years on the damage to both children.
My 6 year old girl suffers from anxiety, tearful alot, does not want to go to her fathers, has returned with unknown bruises, confusion, finds it hard to make friends, all sorts of stuff.
My 8 year old boy suffers from profuse sweating during sleep (if anyone knows what causes profuse sweating during the night - could you please respond to this message) , anger, rage, narcisistic behaviour at his sister, still in pull ups during the night, damage to property, school issues, returned from his fathers with bloody noses from other older children punching him, unknown bruises, finds it hard to make friends, grooming tactics are being used on 8yr old not to tell me any information.
I don't know what to do anymore apart from involve a small organisation who are getting some counselling for them and seeing if the 2 children will talk. And give them tools to protect themselves.
Fact in Nz one cannot protect children from psychological mind games or a psychopath. Personally I had pinned him for a psychopathic fraudster.
I want to leave Nz because the laws aren't here and child abuse is really high.
Because of what I have seen and uncovered. Even how Women have no rights in Nz we have nothing really.
Question - if one has all this going on what can I do for these angels, I am concerned about my boy more than the other one due to 8yr old has narcisistic behaviours at times. I am scared he will end up having the same traits and destroying his life and others as he develops and grows. 6 yr old knows something is wrong with her father already? What else can I do to protect them?
Regardless of the set up. And now calling a 4 year investigation quits because of the laws in New Zealand and how everyone has supported his behaviour. The fact is we had children together the 2 above during that marriage. And the fact I had to hand over 50% of shared care post relationship due to statements of that if I didn't hand over un supervised access, I could loose care of our children all together.
The fact is 4 years on the damage to both children.
My 6 year old girl suffers from anxiety, tearful alot, does not want to go to her fathers, has returned with unknown bruises, confusion, finds it hard to make friends, all sorts of stuff.
My 8 year old boy suffers from profuse sweating during sleep (if anyone knows what causes profuse sweating during the night - could you please respond to this message) , anger, rage, narcisistic behaviour at his sister, still in pull ups during the night, damage to property, school issues, returned from his fathers with bloody noses from other older children punching him, unknown bruises, finds it hard to make friends, grooming tactics are being used on 8yr old not to tell me any information.
I don't know what to do anymore apart from involve a small organisation who are getting some counselling for them and seeing if the 2 children will talk. And give them tools to protect themselves.
Fact in Nz one cannot protect children from psychological mind games or a psychopath. Personally I had pinned him for a psychopathic fraudster.
I want to leave Nz because the laws aren't here and child abuse is really high.
Because of what I have seen and uncovered. Even how Women have no rights in Nz we have nothing really.
Question - if one has all this going on what can I do for these angels, I am concerned about my boy more than the other one due to 8yr old has narcisistic behaviours at times. I am scared he will end up having the same traits and destroying his life and others as he develops and grows. 6 yr old knows something is wrong with her father already? What else can I do to protect them?
second you need to document every single tiny detail of your life and your childrens life on actually paper. do not stop. every time they act up or go to there fathers or have bad dreams or your ex does or says anything. document document document every single little detail. and make sire that documentation stays in a safe place. it adds up and will only help you in the end.
are you allowed to leave the country? can you actually leave? is there any domestic violence places where you live? im sorry about all the questions im just not sure what your situation is at this point. are you legally divorced from him yet? also if you havent done so research everything you can find on the internet about narcissists, sociopaths and psychpaths. im not sure what the sweating is about but someone else here might know if so they will respond give them a couple days people arent always here every day but they will tell you if they know.
usually any where if you try to say the ex cant see your kids you take the risk of losing your own custody, these personality disordered individuals like to make it look like you are the crazy one. i dont know if he has done that to you or not im guessing the answer is yes since they all do.
please tell us a little more about the facts so we can try to give you some advice or at least of experienced opinions.
honestly it sounds like your child is being abused. take pictures of any and all marks on his body and anything your children tell you write it down. take them to a dr and get it in writing. just be careful these guys have a way of turning everything around to be you !!! i hope to hear back from you soon. and just so you know your in the right place and im very sorry your going through this. bella
The good news is that you're doing a lot of things correctly, in my opinion. Getting the children counseling is extremely important. Many times, the children will open up to a counselor and share their thoughts, fears, and experiences. I think it's important they don't bottle up these negative emotions.
When I first received custody of my children, my niece was 9 years old and many nights would wet the bed. The oldest nephew was 6 and I caught him sleep walking on several occasions. The youngest nephew was almost 4, and he was in pull ups. He had recurring nightmares for over 10 years and required the nighttime pull ups till he was 9 years old. It took a long time for them to overcome the trauma.
The children had not been in a stable environment, no structure or discipline. I have Native American Indian descendants, and I used to tell these beautiful, troubled babies they acted like wild Indians. It was challenging to get them to listen to me in the beginning, to get them to mind me and develop rules and structure. I worked full time, so I had to do something to get their attention and be able to communicate with them. We had to develop a routine for our busy schedule. So, I decided we needed "pow wows". We would sit cross legged in the living room floor, and I made the first rule of keeping our knees touching each other. This forced them to focus and not jump up and start running around. In our "pow wows", I'd gently, yet firmly, remind them of the rules in their new home.
Sanity1, I was single at that time, so I understand that feeling of aloneness. It's an overwhelming feeling, and I was terrified. But our love for the children gives us strength and courage. And, you're wise to notice and document any bruises or anything unusual you see happening with your children.
As Bella said earlier, writing everything down is imperative. My attorney advised me to document, document, document......his words. And it helped me in court to get custody and have some control requesting supervised visitation with my sister when she saw the children.
I'm sorry NZ doesn't have more judicial means for protecting yourself and your children. If there aren't any legal repercussions, and you have means of leaving, that would be wonderful. With a lot of patience and love you can overcome the damage inflicted on yourself and your babies. It may not be easy, but it will be worth it.
Hugs and prayers to you, sanity1!!! Stay strong and determined. Post and vent here when you need to. God bless!
It is really sad to learn that a parent can lose custody of their children for trying to protect them from a toxic parent. I did know know this.
I did some Internet research, Night sweats in children could be related to a heart ptroblem. Best to take him to a doctor and report this symptom.
Your story is heart-breaking. I wish you all the best.
As for documenting I have been trying to document alot. Taking photographs of very little but I do hold some. If he found out that I was doing this I don't know what he would do.
Spiritsprout - I have called it quits over the property settlement and I am not going to court now in Nz because of the sophisticated engineering of the bank accounts and financials and the fact that I could not get enough back up. My ex is incredibly plausible. And I have lost all my rights in Nz to protect my children, to protect the properties, the right to live in freedom. I am intending to leave Nz because I have lost my rights and they believe him and protect his rights.
I am trying to stay positive, however hard. Bellanomore - to answer your questions - therapy will start shortly. The specialised counselor said there is obvious signs something is wrong.
No I won't leave Nz without the children. Just recently my Ex applied for nz passports after he got the earthquake cheque for $11k for the marital home repairs (I live in the marital home). (Ex behaviour is to always get to every cent and leave me with nothing financially).
So I had to put in a Without notice prevention order non-removal of children from Nz. Fact my Ex is Irish and he has contacts in over 9 different countries.
Yes I paid for the divorce - I wanted to get my name away from him, because of the damage he caused me.
I know what you mean about loosing your own custody - fact the mediator and lawyers told me If I didn't hand over unsupervised access and if it went to court then I could loose access. He will get access.
Fact here in Nz children - another woman I met, her ex got unsupervised access. He drove numerous times up the hill and told her 2 children pointing to the spot on the hill where he was intending to bury her and the kids if they ever talked. The daughter was tearing out her own hair in clumps due to the stress of going to her fathers-both children were refusing to go the fathers. The Lawyer for children threatened the mother if she did not make the children go then the police would collect the children and drive them to the fathers. All this was going on for over 7 years and the damage done!
I have been out of the relationship for 4 years and I know what damage it has done as I look back now!
Thankyou for letting me unload here!
I hope your babies are safe loved and warm - god bless guys! Thankyou again.
I'm so sorry to hear all that happened to you and your children! Unfortunately the bind in which you find yourself is not all that uncommon, here either and from stories I have heard in other countries too. These types are just too good at looking good.
It sounds like your ex might be physically abusing the children, so if you can go to a shelter and/or leave the country and take the kids with you, legally, that sounds best.
Their reactions do not sound that unusual. One of my kids wore pull-ups until quite old. One had night terrors and other panic attacks, once bad enough to go to the ER over. That might cause night sweats. I don't know, but hormones imbalances due to stress might too. Regular doctors don't find this. Here we use naturopaths to do tests for "subclinical" hormone imbalances that have obvious symptoms. Chronic stress can also bring down the immune system somewhat and someone can get low-level infections simmering that lead to low fevers at night and night sweats. I got CFS (ME in NZ maybe) from living with my uNPD/Psychopathic/BPD ex H, and had night sweats and nightmares from CFS for a couple of years.
The good news is that as the kids get older, they get wiser about the PD parent. Mine have pretty much figured their father out now that they are older teens. It is a painful process to go through while you wait for that to happen, but it probably will. I know some others with PD exes and mostly, their kids did figure it out.
Good luck!
Take care of yourself, and I hope you can find some peace and recover too.
Thankyou to all of you for writing hopefull soundful advice and support. I am deeply sorry for your own pain as I unload mine. I hope that love blesses all of you, hope guides you, faith surrounds you all.
I thankyou for writing on both posts. Sorry I am new here and I double clicked, I thought my computer wasn't responding.
May you and your families laugh together and your friends gather in support and add joy to your lives, may all of you find trust again. God bless and the angels watch over with protection.
And thankyou again for letting me unload and giving sound advice.
Kind regards Sanity1