I don't have children so I've never experienced that process except through friends that have ex's and shared custody, etc. This is strictly my opinion but given his attitude toward the child he fathered with you, I would not want to be dependent on him for anything. The SP I was with actually told me that he wanted me to be dependent on him. I believe now what he meant was that he wanted me in a less powerful position than him, but all the while he was borrowing money from me. How does that work exactly? Yes, mine syphoned money out of me too using the pity play and promises of future blah blah blah. I digress. I understand, you maybe want to stick it to him a bit more. Hurt him in the only place he can feel it, his wallet and your child deserves to be taken care of but, and again this is strictly my opinion, it would benefit you more and in the long run to work towards not needing anything from him. I'm not saying not to take it, take it and put it aside for a rainy day or to take your kids on a trip someday. I understand this might not be possible right away as I don't know what your financial situation is but working toward not NEEDING his money would be a good thing. It would distance you from him and build your confidence.

I agree; I think I want people to say - yes get it all!
I make decent money, live in the "cake eater" suburb but it's not easy with two kids. I work two jobs. I so get about 2/3 of daycare paid through support but I'm just thinking I could get more. Ugh. So I could actually take the kid on a vacation or something. I wish I could put two fingers high in the sky and say - our child doesn't need your money- but we do need it AND if he was involved or helped -I would have gladly dropped or reduced it. The SP almost convinced me to. He had my convinced that the reason he wasn't being a father was because I took his money. He would say " money or father - not both". Who says that??? Oh yeah, a SP.

Exactly!!! Wow. I totally understand - it's harder to control finances while trying to care for children. Things happen, things come up and they usually cost money. But to the extent you can make a plan to not be dependent on his money somewhere in the future - I think you would feel oh so powerful. I am actually getting paid back the money owed to me. Of course I was supposed to receive it all at once, that is what I was told and a big factor in why I even agreed to the loans in the first place. Too late I realized it was all a lie - there was no windfall coming. I can't explain how I made this happen other than I had caught him in so many lies that he had to do something decent. So he's paying installments through automatic deposit so I don't have to see him or remind him or anything. At first I needed the money, so receiving it was a big cause of anxiety. Every month I just knew he was going to pull the plug. A few times he even had the nerve to ask to borrow more and I would refuse and think oh boy, here we go now he will stop paying. I had to resolve to not care if he paid or not. I promised myself that if he stopped paying I would not go after him for it. I would just move on - call it an expensive lesson. This time was very hard for me. I had a nice cushion and he wiped me out. I couldn't believe I had allowed it to happen. But I vowed to build up my finances again so I cut my expenses where I could and started putting money aside. It took time but I am back where I should be - where I am comfortable. I even bought a new car (which he has seen). I glad he knows that I am doing just fine.

Wow I'm so sorry! I'm glad you are getting some back.. like you said, get what you can. I'm sure my mind would wiped me out as well if I had any. But I pay over 4K a month in just daycare and rent! Not much left. But he did get a couple grand out of me - which was the support money so I guess it was "his". I don't know!
I didn't have to fight for the support I do Get - all standard procedure based on state guidelines. Which is why I know I could get getting more. Hmph!
My ex SP has told me numerous times " enjoy the money while you have it because it will be gone in not too long when I suicide". Lovely huh?! Jerk.