Victims of Psychopaths Community Group

Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.

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lackoftrust 03/04/2015

I am still so hurt and so angry. I don't know what to think. I have uncovered more information about the ex PSN and I am just so disgusted with his behavior, but my heart aches for my loss. It's hard to grieve for the loss of someone or who you thought someone was, when you are disgusted and repulsed by his actions. It's been nearly 6 weeks since I found out what was going on. I am still trying to heal, but I also am reminded that really, "I" was the OW, just nearly 6 years worth. Turns out he was dating his now wife for YEARS prior to our lengthy relationship. It's like a slap in the face. I just wish I never met him. I wish I never trusted him, I put all my faith and love into him, and he knew it and just took it all away from me and now I am just empty.

It's all I can do to go to work. I come home and I am on the sofa and don't move for 6 hours. I am still bewildered by everything. I feel guilty, but I feel used. I feel manipulated, but I feel like I was an enabler. I feel angry, but I am sad. Very few of my friends can understand what I am going through, and I know they are just trying to support and encourage me, but I almost feel like they are downplaying my pain.

I hate this, I truly do. I can't seem to get a clear thought that isn't clouded by memories, lies, and betrayal. I can't believe it. I just want to crawl in a hole and not come out.

kris7167 03/04/2015

Of course, you are still hurt and angry. You thought you had a mutual loving exclusive relationship with a man for 6 years. You created a life around him, even though, he was MIA, at times, allegedly for mental health reasons.

It was all a lie. He married someone else during one of his absences, and now, you are discovering that he was with this other woman the entire time, even before you. In fact, you were the OW. You are going to be angry and hurt for some time. It is a huge betrayal.

One of the most confusing things for we who have been "taken" by a PSN is the loss and grief we experience. People who are not familiar with this type of betrayal often do not understand why we need to grieve the loss. They think: "He's was never real. What's to grieve? Forget him." It doesn't work that way. He was a reality in your heart. You loved and believed in him for 6 years. That love is a reality, and the fact he was not real is another reality. Those 2 realities will conflict, and that is called cognitive dissonance. It's painful and exhausting.

Take the best care of yourself you can. You are doing well to keep going to work. Read and learn about sociopaths. You will gradually come to accept that you were duped by a lovefraud, and you will overcome this pain. You will be you again.

LiveInTruth 03/05/2015

Everything you are experiencing is totally normal. It is uncanny how similar a recovering PSN victim thinks and behaves. It is because it is the disorder that predicts everything not the individual. I was in your shoes two years ago and suicidal with grief. I entered into therapy right away because I could not even breathe and had no one that understood. Most people had reactions similar to what you describe and it was so damaging to me. I am still in long term therapy but with a different focus of helping my picker and moving forward. I am happy and rebuilding my future. It helps. Make your first phone call one to get some regular sessions with a therapist trained on personality disorders. And let yourself grieve while you get through the initial steps. Fighting that grief is so much worse than just letting it flow. I am so sorry you are going through this.

lackoftrust 03/06/2015

Thanks so much! I started Therapy the week after I found out who he really was. I'm still just so unnerved.... I was feeling a bit better, had a mini getaway last weekend to visit a girlfriend, which helped. Yeah, I was sad and quiet and not sleeping, but overall, was much better.

Then I found out that his lovely parting gift he left me in the form of an infection still hadn't cleared up, so I had to go back for round two of treatments. I guess it could be much worse, having to go through this 2 times in a month, I feel so disgusting, humiliated, dirty, and I was faithful! I was faithful to a man that gave himself to another woman.

I have to force myself to get out, but I just lack the energy that I need to do it. I appreciate your support, but I don't even know if I have ever known who I am. The only thing I know is my empathy for others always, ALWAYS ends up clobbering me in the end. If I lose that, I lose who I am, but I don't want to put it out there anymore either, because I am so emotionally done. Ugh.

Thanks again for your encouragement and support!

indenial6667 03/18/2015

Wow, do I totally understand this. I walked away (yes, I discarded HIM, after of course, he discarded me 2 yrs ago but I stayed like a desperate idiot) Nov4 2014. I was diligent about ignoring his texts. Oh, I'd READ them... but I refused to give him exactly what he wanted; a response. Anything to keep his sick need for controlling me thriving. I caved last week. I went 4.5 months!!! I gave in and met him for coffee so we could 'talk'. Ugh, I told him I'd give him a chance to win me back but it would take a while for me to trust him again, if at all. HE DOESN'T GIVE A RATS BUTT IF I EVER TRUST HIM!!!!!!! What am I thinking?? That I'M the one in control here? Absolutely not. I know this. Yet, I miss him and love the attention I am finally getting from him, after begging for it for the last 2 yrs. It's all fake and it feels so forced. I am hoping I can see that it won't change and that he's NOT genuine or "serious" and I can walk away again... and MEAN IT this time. And I think I will... because I'm convinced it won't be heartbreak this time; just disappointment. I wish like hell that I never responded. I feel trapped again.

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