Victims of Psychopaths Community Group
Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.
I didn't know anything about sociopaths or narcissists until I separated from my ex-wife. I see a lot of posts about the male being the abuser and see "He" did this a lot. I have lost a lot of respect for woman, even my own mother. People should know that women are just as capable of being a sociopath narcissist as men are. It has nothing to do with gender. My ex is a covert narcissistic. She will even destroy our kids in order to get what she wants - all based on assumptions in her own head.
"God" is pretty remarkable because in the last 7 or so years I've met many people that have shown me traits of my ex. I've had to learn to walk away from them as well. I'm still pretty hurt and pissed off that this crap exists on this planet. I've lost a lot of respect and belief in religion, and God "himself".
My kids are with her. In the divorce I was accused of touching one of them inappropriately. I was already depressed, that's a blow right directly to my soul.
They are the Romans of the bible, they've been trained to attack the heart. People can't defend themselves as easily if their heart is broken. They have no way to create solutions. They have no skill whatsoever to negotiate. They don't understand win/win situations. They just understand win at all or any cost, including destroying the minds of their own children.
I had no idea people like this existed on the planet.
It's been 6 months and I've seen my twin girls less than 4 hours. "Dear God, are you listening?" I have searched and searched and searched for God and now I think he's a big giant piece of shit. I gave everything to support other people. What did I get in return? I see 1/4 of my kids probably less than 15 percent of the time. She lives in the house, she operates the business I paid for, my kids think I'm a different person than I am. "wait" I am told. "they'll figure it out".
I used to love women. I'm still hoping to find one that can love me for who I am.
God even gave me a soul mate to help me through the divorce. She knew intimate details of stuff I've never told anyone. She was my best friend I've ever had. She slept with someone else. She went through the same as me - hard to trust, hard to move forward, worried about money now. I made a good lover, but not a good enough 'life partner". I went from being lied to by my ex-wife to being subjected to brutal honesty by my soul mate. I figured out yesterday that my relationship with my soul mate didn't have a very high potential of working out. God gave me another female friend to talk to, she experienced the same - a soul mate she chose not to be with.
I feel ripped off. I'm starting out with less. Money never used to be a concern, now it is. I've turned a big part of my heart off towards my kids I don't see. The court system? My lawyer turned out to be a liar.
And what does God do for these people? Loves them.
God, what have you done for me?
"God" is pretty remarkable because in the last 7 or so years I've met many people that have shown me traits of my ex. I've had to learn to walk away from them as well. I'm still pretty hurt and pissed off that this crap exists on this planet. I've lost a lot of respect and belief in religion, and God "himself".
My kids are with her. In the divorce I was accused of touching one of them inappropriately. I was already depressed, that's a blow right directly to my soul.
They are the Romans of the bible, they've been trained to attack the heart. People can't defend themselves as easily if their heart is broken. They have no way to create solutions. They have no skill whatsoever to negotiate. They don't understand win/win situations. They just understand win at all or any cost, including destroying the minds of their own children.
I had no idea people like this existed on the planet.
It's been 6 months and I've seen my twin girls less than 4 hours. "Dear God, are you listening?" I have searched and searched and searched for God and now I think he's a big giant piece of shit. I gave everything to support other people. What did I get in return? I see 1/4 of my kids probably less than 15 percent of the time. She lives in the house, she operates the business I paid for, my kids think I'm a different person than I am. "wait" I am told. "they'll figure it out".
I used to love women. I'm still hoping to find one that can love me for who I am.
God even gave me a soul mate to help me through the divorce. She knew intimate details of stuff I've never told anyone. She was my best friend I've ever had. She slept with someone else. She went through the same as me - hard to trust, hard to move forward, worried about money now. I made a good lover, but not a good enough 'life partner". I went from being lied to by my ex-wife to being subjected to brutal honesty by my soul mate. I figured out yesterday that my relationship with my soul mate didn't have a very high potential of working out. God gave me another female friend to talk to, she experienced the same - a soul mate she chose not to be with.
I feel ripped off. I'm starting out with less. Money never used to be a concern, now it is. I've turned a big part of my heart off towards my kids I don't see. The court system? My lawyer turned out to be a liar.
And what does God do for these people? Loves them.
God, what have you done for me?
I understand, I got mad at God for 25 years with a covert narcissist. Covert Narcissists are the best aren't they? I had finally separated, had plans for the future. i wanted to return to teaching. I felt horrible due to his betrayals, but I was also angry that I was diagnosed with MS. I didn't know anything about MS at the time.
Turns out I'm having complications already. I've likely had it for years. I went back to my covert narcissist because I am a fool. I believed we would make it through. He has already broken all the promises and more. Plus I've just discovered that he likely drained my parents bank account during his role as Executive Executive of the estate. I've been going through some of the bank statements that I took out of his trunk. He clearly took money. Even though he was and is a horrible husband, he has been an excellent provider when it comes to my MS. He even skips out on sleeping after a 12hr. 3rd shift to take me to procedures. But the last few hours I've been combing through the bank statements-it doesn't look good. But this is the guy- only person I have to help me with my MS and as it progresses. So I'm stuck at the moment. Penniless with the new knowledge that he not only showed his genitalia on the adult sites, but his face too.
Oh the shame.
I don't blame God anymore. I realize things could be a lot worse. I could have gone after all these people that betrayed me and been in jail.
Oh by the way I guess you figured out I'm with my N. I'm stuck at the moment, but I have my kids and as long as I stay with him, no money worries. Well no worries unless he decides to spend our money on women.
It's late for me and I'm probably not making any sense.
My point being, I understand, but I eventually remembered God is who will get me through. My husband prayed for a money and it came to me as a refund. Then the same week another check appeared.
My friend approached me with a problem the other day and I dropped to my knees and said God I can't take anymore and it turned out to be no problem at all.
Funny story about God loving them-
My husband got mad when I found some more of his dating and porn profile sites. He asked me how could God help him with his addictions, but still help me find new material.
I told him God loves us both.
(I wouldn't have freaked out about the discovery of porn, but for him the porn leads him down some bad roads. I've decided I'm not pro porn. Not that I was pro, just that I didn't thinks it could turn into such a problem.
The lawyer I had was my chance at getting more time with my kids. I picked him. I was told "tell him everything". I trusted him. I hoped her and I could do it without court, without a fight but she took my money, and her dad's money and made a fight out of something small. Actually created drama where there was none. Our case was going to go to trial. One week before my lawyer told me that she had already seen him prior to me seeing him. To make a long story short he played me.
I've started to see that my ex-wife enjoys taking care of sickness. She gets her self-worth from it. In the public eye she'll rescue a couple dogs and a couple cats...but not take care of them. I came home one day to a dog in our house. She never cared about anyone else's input. My son is allergic to cats. She knows that I dislike medication, when we met I was strongly opposed to it. The moment our kids were born that didn't matter. It was all a lie, agreeing with me, until I was bound to her. Now my son loves the cat and takes allergy pills.
That was my experience as well - my mom smoked, never changed. I got send to the doctors for allergy pills, inhalers, shots, tests. Both parents still smoked in the house. My ex-wife was against that. She couldn't understand why my mom would do such a thing. I heard over and over how my mom was wrong in parenting me. I guess my lesson is I should have stopped my ex from talking about my mom like that because my ex turned out and has done similar things.
You have to keep telling yourself that the person you fell in love with is a lie. They lied, marketed themselves as who you wanted, not as who they actually are. Why do this? Because if you get sucked back into their drama they will take what you offer them - experience, money, information, and use it against you. They can turn on and off like a light switch. The people that are emotionally attached to them can't. They have to go through the experience with them, on and off emotions, trust or not to trust.
"Assumption" - I learned later that my ex assumes. She gets something in her head and it doesn't matter what the actual truth is, she assumes and then reacts negatively and sometimes violently based on her assumptions. It is based on having something taken away from her, and she defends by being more angry, more vengeful, rage.
It's been over 3 years since her and I separated and here i am writing about her. Why? Because I see her as holding the key to my kids. I pray to God all the time to teach me what I need to know and give me the life I need to have in order to make it better for my children. So I see it at work - psychopathic bosses, emasculated bosses, angry narcissistic employees that gossip, people that assume.
My life is pretty lonely because I see traits in others that once I recognize I feel it better not to invest my time with them. Work has become work.
"Oh by the way I guess you figured out I'm with my N. I'm stuck at the moment, but I have my kids and as long as I stay with him, no money worries. Well no worries unless he decides to spend our money on women." - this really helped me, thank you. I know a woman, a good friend. She has a child. I am very attracted to her. We love a lot of the same stuff. She is about to have her boyfriend that finances her move in. In breaks my heart to see. I was really angry when I found out. I think about healing, the heart, taking care of family by loving them. I couldn't understand why she'd follow through with it. Now I know - she's thinking about her kid. I guess I'm free to love her from a distance.
What's this all done for me? It's made me want to make more money. Be more cautious of who I am with sexually. Defend my children with an iron fist. It's hardened my heart but also given me a greater sense of morality. I see the planet housing many different types of people now, we're all hurting in some way.
I want her so badly to get along with me for the sake of the kids. I'm already seeing my kids act out - promise, then not follow through, then turn it around and make it my fault, or make something up "I didn't say that, I said". I keep offering for them to come over and it is rejection. It really hurts. I've resigned myself that this is most likely going to be the way it is. There is no reason why they can't or don't come over. I've been told "It's what 13 year olds do, and they're girls". It doesn't make any sense.
I know for a fact she mentions stuff on purpose to put it in the kids head and then let them decide. She just plants the seeds, the kids fill in the blanks. Dad not on medication = unstable = too scary to be around. I never mentioned it to the kids that I wasn't taking medication, they figured it out somehow and use the same words she does. "He is bipolar and off his meds".
Ironically I started taking meds again over not being informed of my daughters operation.
I even found someone to help the girls with yoga and alternative healing, for no cost to my ex. My ex got jealous, said the yoga instructor was faulty, accused her of not knowing what she was doing (the kids were loving going and spending time with me), ended up hurting the teacher, and that ended the lessons.
My intuition tells me that there isn't much I can do while the kids live under the same roof as their mother.
I believe in God and I've met so many people that are affected by the same thing. I ask in prayer and I am shown people, situations, etc. I've been hoping that there would be a peaceful loving compassionate solution as opposed to fighting her. God doesn't work that way.
A year ago I would have fought in court. I'm challenged my being depressed, tired, not wanting to fight anymore. My boss is a narcissist too and so is his boss. They don't care about humans, they just follow orders based on production and money.
I'm trying to heal the best I can. My place looks like crap. I'm taking the bus now as my car needs work. I'm not looking for anyone to feel sorry for me, it's the reality of it right now. I'm starting to gain weight again. I lost close to 30 pounds from Nov until now.
My girls are old enough to make their own decisions court wise.
I'm pissed off because I trusted that the kind compassionate approach and showing my kids how stable I am didn't work out. She's not only a narcissist she is a sociopath. She changed right after the kids were born. Who I thought she was, is a lie, a game. The amount of hatred I have been feeling lately needs to stop.
Thank you for your response.
It becomes learning on how to accept and learn to let go of lost expectations, progressing into not having any expectations at all and just trusting that everything is in it's right place.
The anger wants to be heard but is it healthy?
I just got off the phone with a friend that tells the same story of 30 years ago. His chest hurts, he coughs, the words he uses have power to instill hurt, it's affecting his breathing. God bless him for teaching me what my story is doing to me. The events have already happened, already done.
Dear God, teach me to let go of the past, to look forward to the future, and to end expectation, and end lost expectations.
If she taught me anything she taught me how to pray, a new version of God, how to identify the roads that lead to pain.
Thank you all, thank you.