I just want to respond, that I think we all have those days. I catch myself thinking about the pathological fantasies that were not true, and loving the 'thought' of what I thought would be. What was (at the beginning of the honeymoon stage). Just keep going, moving forward. I honestly sort of pray/meditate to myself everyday and say positive things. I repeat the AA's 'accept things I can not change' A LOT. And mentally, I put it all in a box and put it away (imagining me putting all the thoughts and feelings of me and my exP's EVERYTHING in a box mentally and putting it away, under a bed, in the closet). I also try to turn the channel on the radio if I hear anything that starts slipping me back into that 'thought coma'. I just stay as busy as possible to get my mind off of things and I'll clean the fridge or ttoliet before I start dwelling (I've ruined parts of my life that I can never get back because of my ex P). Good luck, it will get better!

Its been years! WTF! And I know better. I KNOW BETTER. But the delusion I had was like the saying "what you dont know cant hurt you". Now I am faced with everything he promised me. A life of stress HE caused. Trust the fact that I normally can get passed this. But today, I just want to give up. It sometimes is too hard to bear. And ultimately, I will move on. For the sake of my kids, for the sake of the truth. But it doesnt mean life doesnt suck! And that I endured what most people should never encounter. I hate my lot. I dont even know how to use it to glorify the greater good. I cant see any good right now. And thats what pisses me off the most. He stole my hope.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jgopLRj8AAY

I know how you feel. How the F did we get here? But reality is we have ourselves. They are gone. There is the residue I see it in money matters, my children, and my damaged self. But I am not in la la land. I know the twisted truth which he still tries to lie about still and probably will never stop. We just have to keep going and chipping away at making our own life what we would like it to be. God Speed.

I haven't been on here in FOREVER! but I'm pretty sure I recognize you even with your new screen name.
:-)

As jewels was sayin'.... I think we all get that way. I still do even 4 1/2 beautiful but stressful years later. The constant fighting in the court room is draining for normal people. It doesn't faze psychopaths, though, because their brains are wired differently. I agree.... it's an exhausting life and if I could go back and do it over, I'd woo him and play him... act all in love and wait for him to leave on his own accord. I wouldn't press for child support. I wouldn't have filed for divorce. I would have just disappeared **poof** :-)

So I feel ya!

Aagard - Im sure your recollection is right. :)

And oh how I would have done things differently too. Definitely, now you see me, now you dont style.

Such is life ....

Thanks Jewels - I like the visualization of how you process these feelings. And I think accepting what we can't change is fundamental. What other choice do we have? It just sucks some days more than others.

sorry your going through all you are withC, its not fair you have been put in that situation on top of everything else youve gone through. i hope things turn around for you soon. thinking of you and big hugs your way.

Withc, I'm so sorry you are feeling sad. But what was/would ever be better with him? From what I understand, he didn't/doesn't have a job.Why doesn't the court system MAKE him get a job? How does he have rights to his children whom he does not help to support? Lots I don't know here, obviously

And what happiness did he ever bring to you or your children? From reading his e-mails, it appears to me doesn't care about any of your feelings. All he cares about is winning through manipulative means. Living with a person like that is like living in Hell. I know what it 's like, sans the children, which could only make it lots worse.

No matter how crummy your life seems right now. I hope you know it can only get better. This too shall pass. Someday, you will be happy again--without him!

I understand how you are feeling….. but to feel better just recall the worse moments with him , please do because that's the reality of what they are!
If life sucks, it would sucks MUCH MUCH MORE with someone that betray you and put you in trouble. For what? For a lil short excitement? Come on! You are much much worth than that!

I miss being delusional. I've gotten healthy enough I can't believe in fantasies like the love of a sociopath. It was nice, in a way, to be naive enough that I thought that was possible. Now I'm just working on trying to feel the same way about nice people. Which might be impossible, but it's still kind of like progress.

I guess for some people life is easier living in a delusional world. But that isn't you withC, your mind is much to strong for that. Nothing is for ever! I read in another post that he has another victim, hopefully this will ease some of your stress, sadly at the expense of her, but it is what it is. Hopefully the holidays will distract some negativity and bring some light into your world. :)