Victims of Psychopaths Community Group
Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.
Since a young age, I would envy people; their uniqueness, their intelligence, their possessions, lifestyle, abilities...you name it.
I had a friend, my only friend at this school I went to, actually, who always knew more about stuff than I did, and I always felt that he was trying to out-shine me, even if I didn't intellectually process it that way.
I also can become insecure if I think someone's more unique, or interesting than me, and if I like this person, platonically or otherwise, it can lead to severe despondency.
In my teens, I know I was very narcissistic; I didn't like people, they were all wrong, and I was right, I was always more special, more interesting, more captivating...of course, I was also a very depressed teen, and was not aware of any autism. That is, until I heard it mentioned in depth by a teacher, whereupon I immediately recognized a slew of symptoms identical to my own, such as stimming, restricted interests, poor social skills, etc.
I don't feel the same way I did in highschool, and I'm much better at empathy than I was then (I couldn't understand why it was so sad that the Sioux Indians ghost dance didn't save them at wounded knee, but about a year or two ago, I heard the story of a certain musician and began crying, and felt like chasing her down and giving her a hug), but I still envy people often, and I try not to--try to cut it off before it begins, because I know that it's wrong.
I've searched online, and all the correlations I can find for AS and envy are envying the social skills and, in effect, the happiness of others. I have this, but it seems like mine goes further.
I remember reading books and watching TV all my life, the characters, the story, I'd picture myself like that, or roundabout. Sometimes I'll encounter someone who I'll deem worthy of a good story, and think "I wish I had that".
And something else, I'm not so sure it is envy sometimes. Therefore, everything I just said could be wrong...but it's the closest thing I can identify it as.
Does anyone else with the diagnosis of AS have things like this? Am I just an envying narcissist? Obviously I'd like the answer to be "no", but I want honesty.
This may all be a bi product of my autism...or not....
I had a friend, my only friend at this school I went to, actually, who always knew more about stuff than I did, and I always felt that he was trying to out-shine me, even if I didn't intellectually process it that way.
I also can become insecure if I think someone's more unique, or interesting than me, and if I like this person, platonically or otherwise, it can lead to severe despondency.
In my teens, I know I was very narcissistic; I didn't like people, they were all wrong, and I was right, I was always more special, more interesting, more captivating...of course, I was also a very depressed teen, and was not aware of any autism. That is, until I heard it mentioned in depth by a teacher, whereupon I immediately recognized a slew of symptoms identical to my own, such as stimming, restricted interests, poor social skills, etc.
I don't feel the same way I did in highschool, and I'm much better at empathy than I was then (I couldn't understand why it was so sad that the Sioux Indians ghost dance didn't save them at wounded knee, but about a year or two ago, I heard the story of a certain musician and began crying, and felt like chasing her down and giving her a hug), but I still envy people often, and I try not to--try to cut it off before it begins, because I know that it's wrong.
I've searched online, and all the correlations I can find for AS and envy are envying the social skills and, in effect, the happiness of others. I have this, but it seems like mine goes further.
I remember reading books and watching TV all my life, the characters, the story, I'd picture myself like that, or roundabout. Sometimes I'll encounter someone who I'll deem worthy of a good story, and think "I wish I had that".
And something else, I'm not so sure it is envy sometimes. Therefore, everything I just said could be wrong...but it's the closest thing I can identify it as.
Does anyone else with the diagnosis of AS have things like this? Am I just an envying narcissist? Obviously I'd like the answer to be "no", but I want honesty.
This may all be a bi product of my autism...or not....
Since then, I've reexamined the situation countless times and have come up with innumerable scenarios and answers, and I've even talked to people who talked to her, thinking she's cool, smart, whatever, trying to tell them otherwise...and I wonder if it's entirely altruistic. It DID seem to me like "she's stepping onto my territory"...I don;t exactly think I would have thought this had I not become convinced she was evil, however...
I know when she told em about her alleged spiritual gifts (which she doesn't have, apparently, now) I felt--in addition to fear and extreme skepticism--envious, like "she must be closer to God than me, or something".
Claiming to have Aspergers might be seen as a get out of jail free card for the sociopath, because it would seem to justify their unusual behaviour perhaps, and it is considered unintentional in someone with AS even? Whereas a sociopath intentionally behaves in adverse ways, and makes conscious decisions to fuck people over (as does a narcissist) .. It's not quite the same thing! 8)
http://samvak.tripod.com/journal72.html
@ manyrivers
I don't think this person actively tried to project anything onto me, but, in my obsession, I ended up projected a lot of stuff onto them, and, in retrospect, I now have the horrid thought "I'm just like them". But, as you said, people with AS see things very differently, and, believe it as I might, I've never been good at reading people. Also, the AS "get out of jail free card" is probably very appealing to this person, but I think it has more to do with a sense of identity. False identity, but identity nonetheless, and all that entails.
@ eyesopen
That sounds like an accurate, if somewhat stereotypical description of someone with AS. Sounds like a little genius, lol. Whether or not he was, things like that happen to me; I can;t understand why people want or don't want certain things. I often end up thinking poorly of them for it...
Both narcissists and sociopaths are extremely good at reading others, infact, their whole existence depends on it. I think you need to stop worrying and maybe explore your sense of envy from an autistic perspective.
I don't have Asperger's but my son is autistic. I have a pretty high IQ that made it hard to relate to people when I was younger. Sometimes I lacked "common sense" and I've asked myself the same questions you're asking.
Example: When I was in 4th grade, I asked this very nice girl I knew why she wore make up under her eyes and she ran off crying. I later learned the bags under her eyes were caused by her diabetes. I STILL feel horrible about that to this day.
If you have a conscience... if you feel ANY guilt & remorse... you're not a S/P/N.
Thank you for understanding. I should like to point out, however, that I feel the high intellect of Aspergians is something of a misleading stereotype. Take myself, for instance, I don't feel especially intelligent, especially not these days--I play video games these days,lol--but I did when I was younger, to a narcissistic point, even, as I said before. But, as I read, I find that it's normal for teenagers to self absorbed and envious. Perhaps it's normal for a troubled aspie (or, as I prefer, HFA--high functioning autistic, for my own reasons, and because they've eliminated the former from the DSM, anyway) to fit the profile of a narcissist for a while, at least partially, or subjectively.
As for my posts about that person, the whole thing, that is, the reason I feel so much pain and frustration over it, may be my fault--in that I'm the one who become obsessed with them and developed all the attachments and accompanying fantasies, but the experience, I feel, was no different than when one is hunted by a predator; in this case, I hunted the predator, and got mauled. I didn't know where else to turn.
My ex tried to claim he had Asperger's as a way to excuse his bad behaviors after we found out our son had autism. He almost got a counselor to sign off on it until he took a test at the University (that specialized in diagnosing those on the spectrum). The interviewer told me his problems weren't related to Asperger's --- gave me the "I pity you" face and left it at that.
Also, just FYI, kids who display delays that can't be medically explained are often found to come from neglectful or abusive homes in a lot of situations. The bonding that infants/toddlers/kids need at a young age correlates with how the neuro-pathways connect.
Anyway... again, key is empathy. If you have empathy, you're not a psycho. That's the key trait that differs from every other disorder.