Victims of Narcissistic Mothers Community Group
Have you suffered because of a mother who you were never good enough for, that only pointed out your weaknesses, who ignored and neglected you? This group is for people who have suffered at the hands of the mother that should have loved them. Here you can be free to discuss your problems, frustrations and fears. We understand because we have been there too. Our goal is to...
If you read the narcissists and co-dependents article, you will understand the behavior I am talking about here. I have found myself repeating the pleasing, pampering, soothing behavior that my mother demanded with another narcissistic woman. She was is a position of power over me and I just dropped into the behavior again- like she was mom. Ended just as bad. Made a mistake, got screamed at, flashbacked to childhood and in the end I cannot go back to the site she works at. My workplace was good about it but does not know the true reason I came back to the office in tears.
Have you ever repeated the behavior your mother demanded with another? What was the results?
Have you ever repeated the behavior your mother demanded with another? What was the results?
But in anser to your question, I have no idea of the hook. I was not scared of my mother. I was rarely punished and actually apart from the clothing my mum was not overly controlling.
I do end up with some rerun situations with women I think. Not to the same degree of course but upon reflection I suspect that I do not relate exactly right so sometimes I get misinterpreted and sometimes I let them go down a path that is 'wrong' because I do not want to upset them and yet at the same time I do not know how to tell them of their error without upsetting them. I certainly seem to be concerned not to upset female work colleagues in way where I do not even consider it with male colleagues.
She bullied me into going to her house, and under false pretences of that other people I know would be there,e but it were just she and I.
She had already (I didn't know it at at the time) spent a year telling everyone I was her BBF, despite the fact she'd not once been to my home or I hers (until the above) and that I didn't even have her number, in fact I had not see her more than 3 or 4 times in that year.
So that is why no one else wanted to know me, but it left me feeling needy of any attention and I still didn't take up with her.
But the phone calls started, daily, 7am-11pm up to 40 calls a day (maybe more, we don't have caller display) and she phoned on weekends too.
One weekend DH was working so I said to him "fuck it, maybe if I go, she'll stop telling me "oh you've not been to my house, have you?".
BIG mistake!! BIG!!
It was creepy, frightening and worse. But a few tell me she's a delight, that other's don't like her because she's overweight, that other's have offended her (I bought that hook line and sinker).
She increased the phone calls, it was so bad we started tracing the calls, and then her parents came to town, curiosity got the best of me so I went to her house for the second time, they were normal and she was clearly "a lot like my mother" - I didn't know what narcissistic was until a couple of weeks ago.
After that the phone calls stopped, I suppose, in hindsight I fed her NS with the visit to show her parents how wonderful she is.
then the phone calls started up again.
You know what, all those phone calls and she hadn't actually said a damned thing to me, nothingness of empty conversation.
So, I asekd her what did she want, it was 9am on a sunday morning, all I kept saying was "yes, I know who it is and I'm wondering what do you want, how can I help you, why are you calling, what is the purpose of this call" I then told her she calls me everyday.
She denied it, I mailed her a picture of my cellphone call list (All her, 3 pages on my iPhone, all her) and then the proverbial hit the fan.
She was calling friends of mine from out of state to tell them 'what I'd done to her' and that she was suicidal because of my ill treatment of her.
I was shunned by the moms despite having complained about her incessantly calling me in the past and about her turning up at my house when I was very unwell and highly medicated making a nuisance of herself and that she had gained my number and address through the club. they all hated her anyway, but all sided with her regardless.
It didn't hurt me, because it's old hat. But it did surprise me.
I hear you, my mother held money from me, disrupted financial support my father gave me to go to college and then after his death duped me into signing away my inheritance and gave me a pithy amount and instead called it her gift to me telling everyone my father left me nothing (illegal and impossible in that country) but that she had taken pity on me and would gift me hundreds of thousands of dollars less than he had in fact on his deathbed made arrangement to leave me, making her executor to the will (there's a joke in there somewhere).
The 'gracious gift' money then went into a trust fund and was used as leverage against me. I was several countries away starting my own career and I'd get daily phone calls from her in the middle of my work day, I wouldn't hang up because she was my mother and grieving, but it was 100% abuse I was receiving. Constantly changing the amount and when and what I'd have to do to get it. I soon started telling her I didn't want it.
So, she changed the trust fund to another and enlisted the help (through manipulation) of my father's former colleague and wife, who did not take kindly to me emailing them and instructing them to keep it as I had no intention of marrying my new boyfriend just to get my hands on a pittance, at this point it had been going on for two years.
She was, I believe aware I was in a serious relationship which is healthy and happy and I think she was trying to sabotage it by making this 'gracious gift' of hers a centerpiece of our relationship.
The fact I was and had been financially independent and personally responsible for a decade already was the undoing of this plan.
At one point I was in her city and supposed to stay with my brother for 6weeks before moving onto a new country with work, he suddenly refused me. My mother had spread the lie that I was going to sue her for the family home and that I was trying to extort money out of her!!
So my brother would not have me stay and my mother of course had me convinced everyone knew this new story about me being evil.
So, I stayed on a friends sofa for a week and had a job in 3 days driving a shuttle bus for a hotel, on day two of work I was promoted and put in a managerial position for a short term project.
And then my boyfriend started talking to me about not taking my next job, we'd already discussed marriage and we were ready to take the leap to engagement without any financial input from my mother.
She gave us a $5k gift that we had to spend $7 fixing for our wedding...but look everyone, look how gracious she is, the money she lavishes on me.
She keeps a few little black books, she showed my husband after we were married, it's a list she's made up of 'all the money I owe her' and it's 20 here and 5000 there and dated and written in different pens, it may well be written at the dates as in the book, but it is totally fictitious. She was trying to get money out of DH. She's twice presented him with expenses bills, handwritten of course, so that he can reimburse her for her visits and for the gifts she's bought our daughter...what choice have we there, should we rip the things away from our toddler??
Money, make your own, then no one can use it against you.