verbal abuse Community Group

Help others enduring the same pain each day as I do

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gnewton 07/12/2016

My husband has become verbally abusive over the last couple years. I don't know why. I feel like I can never do anything right; I am afraid when he is on his way home from work, because I know he will find something wrong with this or that, or find something he thinks I should have got done. When he gets mad he screams at me and calls me horrible names (worthless b*tch, c*nt, fat ass even though I am not fat). He even went as far the other day to say he wished I would get in a car accident. I try to talk to him, but its always my fault, and he will not apologize for the way he acts. We have two children together and have been together for almost 19 years. On a good day, things are so great, I fall in love with him all over again. Then, something changes, and the next day he is in a bad mood, and I have to deal with the brunt of it. I don't know what to do. I have no money, so I can't just up and leave. I was laid off last month and so am unemployed (but looking for work). I don't want to break up our family, but I don't want to live this way anymore. Any advice would greatly be appreciated.

smdruid 04/01/2017

Patricia Evans books and online. Really helped me. Its not us. My experience is they don't change and I could not help him. I had to leave. I wasn't used to this behavior and gave him too many second chances. It was almost like being brainwashed only I knew it wasn't me. They can be very threatening and scary

dzellens 09/14/2017

I dont have any references or any books to tell you to read, just my experience so maybe it helps you feel not alone. I know that after reading some of these I know Im not alone and it does make me feel a little bit stronger. Everyone goes through bad moods, anger periods if something is not going right or up to par but what is important is to realize that when you are in a relationship or a marriage, you are not the only one. Your husband may be experiencing something hard for him to deal with or it may just be certain things putting him on edge -nevertheless, what you write about how he treats you is emotional and verbal abuse. Someone healthy mentally will know that there are steps on how to treat others for the other person's sake and their own. These steps are to first recognize the issue and even if they cannot pinpoint it, they need to be open with you taht there is an issue. Next you two should be able to talk to you about what can be done, giving you a fair and reasonable chance to fix if it is somethng you are doing/not doing for them or help them cope with it if its outside of your doing. This first step soudns like the easy part but it is the hardest for alot of people. Many people think that they are just wasting their time if they talk about their issues or it only makes them madder. It is not your fault your partner has bad coping skills, communication or that he is being very selfish -sorry but he is and so is everyone not giving their partner respect and a fair shot. I hope things go better for you, my heart breaks for anyone in these positions as I am in a situation too.

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