This is my first time posting in one of these groups. I am hoping that maybe it will help me with the issues of my verbally and emotionally abusive marriage. My husband and I have been married for almost 8 years, in the begining all was well. He treated me like gold. Then about a year into it he relapsed on drugs after several years clean. We have had other normal marital problems as well. But ever since that point anything and everything I do or say is stupid or makes him angry. It can be the smallest of things. For instance this morning he had an appointment at 8:30 a.m. I was unaware of this. When I woke up at 9:30 he was so angry that "I made him miss his appointment" Then a couple hours later lost his temper over my 16 year old forgetting to wipe down the stove when he did the dishes last night. He took this out on me not my 16 year old. He says I am lazy and that I need to do more and work more and help him more. I don't know what he is expecting me to do I work. We have 4 children and I cook and clean and make sure all of them are taken care and that they stay out of his way when he is having one of his episodes as I call them. Last week I bought a new microwave as ours is not working anymore and was told that I have a spending problem and that I am destroying the family and should seek help and that he so tired of me. He doesnt want me to buy the kids school clothes or shoes ever, and anything that normal people would buy for the house is uncalled for like paper towels and paper plates. But it is ok for him to spend thousands on online gambling. I get talked to like I am a child 99% of the time and treated like I am useless and everything I do is wrong......unless he needs something. I am so tired. I feel like I wake up every morning walking on eggshells and trying not to set him off. Trying to keep the kids out of his hair and make sure that I am doing things to his standards. I have been told several times to leave him. I have tried many times. We have a son that is not biologically mine who lives with us as my husband gained custody. I am having a hard time leaving not only due to fear of his verbal and physical reaction, but because if I do my son will be with him and I know that he is not capable of caring for him full time. He could not even get up during the school year to put the 2 youngest on the bus 2 days a week. He doesn't make sure they eat or take showers and is not attentive at all, because he says that is babying them. Sorry for the long post I am just at a loss. I believe he is bipolar and just has not been diagnosed. But I have no clue how to keep going. I love him but not when he gets like this.