Hi all. I am new here. Not sure what I'm looking for or what I need. My situation is I have been in a relationship for 20 years married 18 we met when I was right out of high school and married by the time I was 22. We met online so no real dating just moved in together. He moved crossed country. In the beginning I was happy got the butterflies at anticipation of him coming home. Sex was all the time daily if not more. No PDA at all but I was ok. Fast forward to say 5-6 years into marriage it just started going down...the past year and a half the worst. We have had sex 3 times total! We don't talk unless we have to and I'm angry. I am finding myself happy when he's not around. We have two kids 14 and almost 10 so I don't want them to think this is how a relationship works. They have never seen us hold hands or kiss or say I love you. I just feel like I need more. I need to feel loved or cared about. My self esteem and depression is getting worse and I have asked for a divorce so many times I can't count. He responds no that everything is fine and it's not. I am 40 and have never felt loved, cared about or felt good about myself. What do I do? Do I stay and work on myself? Do I tell him to leave? The house is mine. Like I just don't know...I'm a creature of comfort and hate change but I'm wilting to the point of do I go have a affair to feel human??