Hi! I have nothing to input right now as I am in the same situation. I am just following this post and learn as well. But I just want to let you know that you are not alone. I am very sad and I am full of regrets for being with my husband right now.

thank you its just hard and challenging on a daily basis.

so true. I don't know how will I even deal with it. Like we have a kid. I just want to give up.

I am in the exact situation. My husband and I are polar opposites. It makes life very difficult. I fantasize all the time about how my life would be different had I married someone else. I left him for awhile but went back out of guilt. I get you. It’s so hard.

I don't have anywhere to go, financially I cannot afford it. It is hard and a struggle ...

Not good! Just that you are picking up from your post back in march tells me things are the same. I was in a stagnant marriage for years. We just drifted. For us, talking about our fears of feeling stuck helped. And learning how to listen to her unhappiness with an open heart gives her comfort, and new hope. If you can’t reach him to really talk and you feel financially trapped then are there any ways to better your life outside the marriage. Maybe take some classes or social groups to meet new people? Build some skills? You’re young. Don’t have to compromise your values. Maybe showing him more independence will get him to adjust his? I don’t know. Just trying to help. My wife and I talk honestly now about how we shouldn’t have gotten married. But after 25 years we are attempting to start a new chapter. Might make it, might not. At least we are admitting our mistakes. If you guys can talk, try to leave the egos out of it. Otherwise it’s pointless.

I am independent socially, I do courses and ran my own meet up group for a while, I feel that I am alone in the marriage not really sharing the same things as I would like to within a marriage. I have even followed his values by taking more overtime at work and hoping he would adapt to focus on the social side but it hasn't done anything. We do talk about things but its like we are both so different people and I feel like I do the best that I can within the relationship. Its hard because this group is the only place I can share my views with.

That’s great about the social energy! I’m jealous. I have become too reserved and I am trying to change. Joined some meet up groups in my area. And working on learning some computer skills at the local college. We ‘met’ in the sexless marriage group I think. Right about when I joined. It really helped me to get emotions sorted out in my head. Actually gave me the courage to rekindle that spark. Although there is some awkwardness to smooth out. I feel for you. I was really feeling like we were in a rut so deep that we’d not be able to pull ourselves out. I was insensitive with my workaholic thing and she was suffering. More than I knew in fact. In putting all my energy into creating healthy behaviors for myself and appreciating her totally we are pulling ourselves back from the brink of divorce. Because she felt like you do. She was afraid to be alone and struggle with money. I learned alot about the quiet desperation of women. That really woke me up to the desire to save our marriage. We’re different in ways too but I guess not enough to feel that we can’t try. It’s encouraging to hear that you two talk. Is he aware enough to listen the way you need him to? That’s a skill we (men) aren’t always good at. When I truly heard her heart (without my ego) and the pain she felt it broke mine. But in a necessary way. I was oblivious (ashamed to say) to her unhappiness. And seeing it out and raw changed me. So much so that her attraction towards me increased. And that’s giving me courage to be a better man for her. And myself. Now that I understand her in a deeper way I would do my best to support her if she felt like she needed to move on. Not be shocked by the ‘sudden ‘ divorce. I don’t think I helped you much but maybe it can be a comfort to know that I understand your frustration. As much as a man can that is. Like you said, at least you can talk about it here. And hopefully have some more female input. Best wishes.

we do talk but I don't think he hears but listens instead. Its ground hog day and I can't change someone else but myself. I feel alone to be honest, I was unwell so I have not been able to work full time since, he is too busy looking after me and providing rather than being a husband. I have no idea what a husband is, someone to be romantic or take me out. That doesn't mean to say that he isn't loving... I do go out but can't seem to meet people who I connect with since I got unwell and I appear to be a strong person but in reality I feel sad about my life. I have no idea what to do anymore but to focus on my life and what I can do like you said courses and doing things for myself is the best way forward. best wishes

Yes to all above. I get it. I’m lonely too. Spend a lot of time by myself. I’m recovering from injuries that are forcing me to change careers so I have been reading (studying) and trying to gain some computer skills. Hopefully classes in the fall to begin credits. I do understand being sad about life. My wife feels the same. Although we talk about it openly so that’s been very comforting. Makes it feel like we are going forward just learning how to communicate in a real and present way. Has changed the way we see eachother.
I was in that groundhog scenario for years and have discussed how my wife felt during that time. Not great!! Like she was trapped while we went through the motions. Now that I am aware of that pitfall I have been putting much more energy into being available. But it’s a two way street. And I don’t always feel like it’s equal. Maybe my karma working out the times I was distant. But I am definitely learning that to be happy I have to be settled in myself. Building a stronger relationship with her is, of course, important. But I have to build the one with me too. I hope we both find the energy to stay this course.

how do people manage with one with their partner/husband when they don't earn that much or earn less money? My husband has a fixed opinion on spending money and how much I should be contributed towards things, I find it hard and stressful because I feel I have to save each month a certain amount in order for him to feel I am providing. But I feel I am providing towards aspects such as the running the house, washing up or cooking etc, however he doesn't feel that is the case. So what do I do? I am already taking up more overtime to cover him and I don't value money in the same way as he does with regards to my health and wellbeing. I find that I am always thinking about money now since I have moved home and like I said we don't perceive life in the same way as each other because we clash over aspects. I feel confused over what kind of relationship we have as we have two separate accounts and he says that he pays for the morgage and the bills which is true and asks what do I spend money on each month. It just makes me feel uncomfortable someone policing what I am doing and keeping an eye on my expenses and what I am doing. I find it restrictive and suffocating if that makes sense?

my husband has ruined my birthday, he keeps on going on and on and on at me, he never admits to his behaviour at the way he acts or things he does he just focuses on me as a person all the time. I am completely fed up of it all the time he is so selfish and hurt me and can't let things go because its my special day and doesn't care to at least let things go, but has to ruin my day -what a complete selfish person. I wish I had money to leave him, I am fed up of everything

I'm so sorry to see this. My heart breaks for you. I can relate to you in the sense that my husband and I are complete opposites. We are from different cultures. He is from South America and I am from the Caribbean. He is more reserved and I am more outgoing. He does not talk about his feelings and I am an open book. We dislike and like opposite things. He does belittle me and his best defense is to tell me I'm acting like a teenager when I speak up about anything. He doesn't value the type of woman that I am and what he has with me. If he would just put a little effort into ANYTHING at this point, maybe we would be a little better. Heck, even saying "good morning" would be nice. I'm coming up on my 37th birthday and fear that I will still be in this situation by the time I hit 40. I'm pretty sure that he will ruin that for me too. We've been married since I was 19, almost 17 years now. Marrying him was the biggest mistake of my life and to this day, it is my deepest regret to move away from the safety of my home in the Dominican Republic to come pursue a relationship with this guy overseas in Miami, FL. BIGGEST mistake of my life. Now, I have come to terms with my choices in life, and I have learned to live a life full of regret. I chose this.