I found out that my live in boyfriend of 13 years has been emailing 3 women about our relationship and me. While I sit back thinking our relationship was fine, he obviously was having some personal issues with it and clearly pretending all was happy. We arent' the perfect couple but there was nothing that was seriously wrong that I knew of. We had our fights like normal people but obviously there were much bigger than I thought. Some of the emails he wrote were heart wrenching and a little disturbing where he would tell these women how unstable I was and that I was bi-polar (which couldn't be further from the truth) how unfit I was as a mother and how he was here only for his kid. He even went as far as making up a story about my family and how my mother never got married and I had siblings from 3 different fathers (also not true) and how I have no idea on how to raise a child etc. and I can go on and on and on about what he wrote, they were so many. He spent 3 years ripping me (he never deleted one email and I read them all) apart while pretending to be a great boyfriend for those close to us, including me and our child. He is an example of one of his emails: This was after I caught him earlier in the year. He still continue to carry on.

lolol
i could care less what she thinks or says. she will never come
between me and anyone EVER.
she's an idiot.
if she ever contacts you again (and I HUGELY apologize for my ipad
error the 4th hour that i had it), IGNORE HER!!!! pleeeeze.

squeeze me in sometime. i miss you terribly.

i have this ancient email account still active for 2 reasons.
its the first email i ever had in the early nineties and have way too
many billing thingies on it to get rid of it.
and, it has fabulous parental controls for *****. so i keep current.
my gmail account for years is ****** i don't look at it
all that often.
xxoxoxox
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> there you are!!!!!!! now this email i got.
>
> well, i guess you never got my earlier emails about being read by
*****. with my new ipad (thats how she got old emails).
> i'll save you the story until i see you, but of course, i got in
trouble because she caught a very long string of emails i had with a
girl i met in ***** in the ninties and had planned on seeing in
***** after i kicked ***** to the curb. blah blah blah blah blah
blah . . .
> so the coffee house is shut down, eh?
> we'll, give me a call whenever a slot opens for you and i can always
run down on a moments notice. i've been going home RIGHT after work
these days 'cause 1) its summer 2) my daughter is off school 3) we're
ending our "babysitter" so i'm childcare giver now on some days and i'm
trying to save money, but the downside is that less hours in the
"office" means less sales. so it cuts both ways. 4) she's always in
some ***** somewhere (she's been coming in first in her
relays for the last 6 meets so i'm a very proud papa)
>
> i miss you sooo terribly!!! i miss you, your beautiful face, talking
with you, chatting with you, laughing with you.
> get hungry soon.
> your old friend for life
> **********************************************************************
His email to me after I found him out again and I contacted the women.

I'm down the street using my ipad. Thanks much. Without keyboard, it
very slow to type

There are no words I can possibly say to apologize for all the bad
things I've said in emails. I emailed L*** but will not email J**** as
She blocked me and said don't call her.

I'd love to patch things up. You are a very wounded bird and it's all
my fault. You are indeed beautiful and smart and driven and a wonderful
mother and wife to me. I've shown you horrid disrespect . Disrespect another human
being should never hear. If u you never forgive me, I would actually
understand.
I've done you wrong. And ***** too of course.
I'm going to try to take tomorrow off, so I,ll probably be here for
awhile. And I need a haircut and they are open late tonite.
Love
***********************************************************************************

I am learning that betrayal is a painful thing and that it takes time to heal. I am also learning how much I truly love him and the strength of that love. And even with all my pain and angry, there wasn't one day that I loved him less. With that being said, if I peel back a layer or two the hurt is still there. Some days I feel like I've allowed him to "get away" with everything has done to me and it makes me feel weak and stupid. I feel like all the women has spoken to are laughing at me and our relationship is a big fat joke to them. I ask him why he never married me and he said he doesn't believe in marriage. I also still can't get an honest answer as to why he did what he did. All he keeps saying is: our relationship is real, it was stress on the job etc. I am feeling like I need to move forward and not waste anymore years with him. I feel like he doesn't deserve my love after betraying me like this. Btw, I did ask why he said certain thing to a particular person who use to be a client and he said he was trying to win her account back and that his email banter to these women meant nothing. He even went as far as crying and begging me to stay. Gosh I feel like I have written a book here. Sorry for the long read.