Hi Izzy. I'm Edith ~ nice to meet you. I have also had a long journey to my diagnosis. I started out with panic disorder when I was in my early 20's. I was not diagnosed with Bipolar until about 8 years ago. I am now 47, and finally have my life under control after numerous medications and doctors. It sounds like you are dealing with a lot, and have been for a long time. I do understand. DS has helped me a great deal for the past few years, and I'm glad you came back. Are you under a doctor's care ? I assume you are because you mentioned painkillers. I am currently on Lamictal for my symptoms of BP, and it seems to be working. I really understand the feeling low & isolating. During the first of this year, I was so bad that I became agoraphobic. I was terrified to leave my home. I gradually came out after FOUR months. It is scary & lonesome to have no interest in anything.

I am also on Cymbalta for severe depression. It brought me back to life, and I refuse to go off of it. I was suicidal until my psych. put me on it. Please believe me ~ no one is digging your grave. That is just how you FEEL. I think the most important thing I have learned, is not to ever give up. There is always someone to help you ~ you just have to force yourself to get the help you need. As long as you do that, at least you are trying to do something. You sound like a wonderful person. If you ever want to talk, feel free to message me. I am online often, although my chat is disabled due to a male person harassing me. Always be cautious about that too.

Take good care, and know that you are a special person.
Edith

Hi Missizzy,

I hope you are feeling better. I wish we would all be happy most of the time. Well, I was severely depressed when I was 20. I tried to kill myself with pills. Then, I went to a psychologist for help. I left after some months of seeing her.

When I was 41, I was again severely depressed. I tried many ways to kill myself. One day, I took my daughter to her psychiatrist. I couldn't be comfortable in my own skin, so to speak. I tried climbing the walls, literally. So, I was sent to a mental hospital. I got meds there, and I got ECTs there. I got kicked out of there because I was no longer depressed. The ECTs were a miracle for me!!! I still take meds. I have Bipolar type 2.

I didn't mention my hypomanic periods, but I did have them. I liked them; much better than depression!!! (=

hey izzy, i had to have 4 people dx me before i would accept bipolar... i knew that i had a bad problem with anxiety/panic disorder... then i found out that i have agrophobia, PTSD, bad depression, generalized anxiety disorder, and ADD... this was all very difficult for me to swallow... but i knew that things was really going bad for me... mentally ... i was falling apart at the seams... i didn't want to go anywhere, the typical signs of the bipolar was haunting me, i had been suicidal, and you name it ... it was happening... i feel really numbed down also... but the doc has explained to me that it is better for me to be this way than spiraling up and then falling out in my mood... there is some consitancy with my mood now... and i am like you... i feel like where do i go from here??? i don't feel as if there is anywhere to go...work is out of the picture for me... social life is out for me now... i never had much of one unless i was manic and a drinking alot... now it seems like life is blah to me... i still will get depressed though and think terrible thoughts, but not like i used to... i feel like meds are only gonna do so much and they have given me mega doses of many of them ... so can't go up in the dose... so here i sit or lay... one doc told me to walk around in the yard a bit... they have a art class at the place i go to get my meds and my DBT class... i was thinking about it... some things are possible... if i look for them... i really love watching tv though... wishing you great luck in feeling better!!!!

Hi all, I apologize that I did not reply to you three sooner, truth is I've been very ill. I haven't been able to get from my bed to my p.c with out a lot of pain, the pain is other issues I have like my slipped disc.
I am so glad that my thoughts are not my own and I have people I can talk to, it makes me feel a whole lot better about myself, and I want to take the time to thank you all for your words, my journey is just beginning and so far the days have been hard, I haven't been able to come on ds due to pains and strains and mental break downs. I know I can make it, I just do not know how long my valley of pain will stretch out ahead of me.

I am unable to come to ds often to read your warming words, but I do have access to my emails each day via my mobile.

Here is my email, I would very much so like for even one of you to try support me more, as you know what I am going through,
the email is: Izzy19@live.co.uk

I guess, I am asking if one, two or all three of you would be a "pen pal" via emails, the help would be more then any doctor has given me so far...
I am on new medication, a stabilizer, sedative, antidepressant and also tramadol for pain.

I hope to hear from you all soon, just bare in mind I cannot come on ds often.

My love, to my fellow people. Izzabelle.

izzy it is so good to hear from you... i wrote down your email and will shoot you an email as often as i can... i am on lots of pain meds too due to nerve damage and a buldgeing disc in my low back and that creates lots of pain and is hard to sit or stand much... it has helped me lots needing to be one here so much... but i remember when i couldn't get on here and i really missed it too... see you soon and i wish you the best in all of your situations!!! karen :)

you are a sweet soul...what a journey and I'm sorry to hear about your pain and multiple illnesses.....maybe its how good people are tested....to draw close to god if you believe and allow the light and love to enter their lives....sending you love and take care