wow what a subject... family... mine has been very destructive to me as well... seems like if i had something they needed... i was the one to call on... but if i couldn't give what they needed... the hell with me!!! this has turned me against finding friends and relating to family much... but time has passed and kids have grown up... mom is getting old and does me the same way... sister has died... dad has died... one of my children is over 30 and hasn't spoke to me in over 2 years, except one time... and that was to see who had died!!! a very disfunctional family to speak of... and i have found out that i am very disfunctional myself...

it was very difficult raising my kids too... i had one that was too much into friends and the other one had only a few friends... hard to tell which one was better off... back then was very difficult for me...now is too, but it is easier to cope when i have me to worry with... i have been so sick and tired of this life that i just wanted to die... i am glad that didn't happen though... i am kinda diggin being around now.... hold on heather.... they will grow up and time will pass and hopefully the family will leave your business where it belongs... to you...

I feel ya there heather. I think alota times when the fuck is it my turn to feel good to b happy, to even knot how to be happy.

i can feel what you are a talking about wowimhere... just knowing how it feels to feel good... i felt pretty good when i was manic... back in the day... but now i don't get manic that much... my doc feels that when i get manic, it destablizes my mood... and sometimes i think that he is right... but being lethargic is kinda not good in itself... i miss feeling good...i miss not a hurting... only if i could go back in time... i would have been alot nicer and easier on myself!!! lol

Thank you, toblinker and wowimhere, for your heartfelt replies!
Oh, I know that I am dysfunctional, too.
I will hold on, though it is hard. I pray to GOD to help me and everyone.

With Love,
heathercliff

I know these process like to keep so mellow bcuz its "safer". I think my whole family think tht to. Well Fuk all u people. Im tired of feeling sad and my mind telling me tht I'm crape and being stuck and people expecting me to function normally (especially my husband).
No matter how n the world I feel it is still my responsibility to handle everything with the kids. And get this, my husband doesn't just wand but expects sex EVERY SINGLE DAY. We are not newly weds married for ovr 15 years.
Everybody wants but nobody gives!!!

Lotsa love heathercliff

(((((HUGS))))) I can sympathize but in a weird way LOL I was a difficult teen and my sister was not. I had some bad friends, some good ones, and my sis the same. My poor mom well I am surprised mine and my sisters teens though my sis was better than me. I was horrible and the Juvie officer scared me straight LOL So from 17-18 I was an angel and at 18 all hell broke loose. Anyway I thought my mom was evil but now at 31 I love her for wanting to protect me. She was fierce and she guarded her kids with her life and still does :)

Thanks for all of your comments. <3

I am not married anymore. My husband had unreasonable expectations of me. I was trying to handle all of it. I got depressed, then my husband had me kicked out. I have joint custody of my 2 daughters. I live at my Mom's house.
I am sad because I just let my daughter go early Black Friday shopping with her friend Vanessa. And, Vanessa's boyfriend and another guy friend. I am crazy and sick. :(

I would b sad too heather. Uda prob rather her gone with u. Its a normal mom thing, well atleast the normal tht I know.
My husband has unrealistic expectations of me too. I can not imagine him kicking me out, but I also can not imagine me not trying like hell to meet his unrealistic expectations. I bitch and complain about it, but I still try like hell to make and keep him happy. Thts just how it is ya know.

Toblink thnks for ur advise and honesty. I spend alota time worrying about how bad my symptoms, treatment, moods, all of it will get as I get older. It all seems too b getting worse to me. Plus I have an overload of anxiety about aging anyway.

I cant take the blah blah moods or the f**kin depression. Without a little self medication I would b much worse and much more unhappy. I mean don't get me wrong I loved need and depend on my therapy pdoc and meds.

I really hate being bipolar!!!!

I totaly understand . I have a house full right now. Not only am i rapid cycling all day every day but my sister in law and her 2 children have moved in with me and my fiancie and our 4 children. She (sis in law) does nothing to help out around the house and pretty much everything is left up to me. They make me want to jump off a damn bridge some days.
I hope that you get to feeling better soon.

I feel ya! I have three teens and a nine year old. Let's just say my one daughter and I have a love-hate relationship. I love her and she loves to hate me. My 9 y.o. has the too few friends problem. And all of my kids are BP too. So I get where you are coming from. My one daughter mentioned above has stopped taking her meds. She is headed for a train wreck but she is 17 and she does not listen to me anymore. She also refuses to see any kind of doctor or take even tylenol. I am at my wits end. If you figure anything out, let me know. I could use some insight.

Hang in there, and (((hugs)))

sending you love and light