Twelve Steps of Forgiveness by Paul Ferrini Community Group
The Twelve Steps of Forgiveness offers us a process for unlearning our ego-based search for perfection and discovering the inner beauty, guidance, and grace that already exist in our lives. It enables us to honor others and establish healthy boundaries that prevent manipulation and co-dependency, so that we can discover the place of peace within. It is a book you will...
I needed to read this again this morning. It's from Second Cornerstone...Finding Equality with Others.
In this moment feel wounded by you, but I realize that you are not the cause of my woundedness. My wound existed before you reached out and touched me in that sensitive place.
OUCH! I can see have some work to do!
In this moment feel wounded by you, but I realize that you are not the cause of my woundedness. My wound existed before you reached out and touched me in that sensitive place.
OUCH! I can see have some work to do!
This morning I woke up feeling kind of cranky about some things and I noticed that even though the situations, people and issues can be different... The feelings are the same! And it all comes down to one thing: me feeling or acting out from the same wounded place.
I was wondering how I can remember to keep going back to this idea when I get carried away with something. I want to be aware when emotions come up and redirect myself - away from outward drama and back to my steady course of learning the lesson I am trying to learn and healing the wound that keeps getting injured.
Well, Mother’s Day didn’t turn out quite like I thought. I got to Travis’ around 11:00 and he was going to start cooking chicken (which he just learned how to do on the broiler). I was there the other day and we were working with
times to turn it, etc. Yesterday, I said “you know, you can probably turn that chicken every 7-8min. instead of every 5min. if you want.” He said something as to why he liked to turn it in 5min. and I said “You da boss.” He said, “I didn’t say I was the boss” and I said “I just meant your better at this than I am.” Then the silence started between us. Later he came to me and said “are you upset about something?” and I said, “I am so tired of walking out egg shells about the things I can and cannot say around you and Erin; I’m not going to continue to put myself in this situation.” Anyway, we had some words and finally I said “you know what, I am leaving. this just doesn’t feel right.” And I left. About 1:00 I got a text from Erin saying “what are you doing; can she see me” I said “I am walking and I really don’t think I am in the right frame of mind to talk right now; I am feeling like everything I say is not the right thing.” No response. About 2:00 they show up at my house. Erin comes in and says she has wanted to say this a long time “I love you and I thank-you for all the sacrifices you have made, I am sorry for things I have done, etc.” I said, “I do believe you love me, I don’t doubt that, and I love you, but I feel I cannot say a word to you as your answer is sharp and cold and gave her some examples. If this isn’t healed between all of us, our r’ship is never going to work.
Now, the sparks start flying and everyone was getting defensive (including myself). I didn’t get too defensive until they said I am always picking on their Dad. I truly feel I do not do that. Matter of fact I said to Travis “what did I just say to you the other day about your Dad when he and I put your screens in?” He wouldn’t answer because I had told him how much fun their Dad and I had; laughing and all. Erin told me I wasn’t there for her these past years: “I had three kids, miserable the last three and you were not there (very angrily). I’m not sure, but I think when I removed myself from their family because how I was treated, she takes this as leaving her. She said “I didn’t care about family and I was going to die a very lonely old lady.” I was really attacked by both of them and I feel they do not like me at all. I think they love me but I don’t feel they like me.
Anyway....here’s the final blow. Travis says “if you were saved, you wouldn’t be so angry” they feel I am really, really, really, angry. REALLY! And I said “stop with that right now.” And they both said “well if the truth, if you were saved all of this would not be going on!” I said, “get out of my house; get out of my house now.”
Owning this on my part is I have worked so very hard on myself for 34yrs. and I have changed A LOT; I feel I become angry when they do not notice/validate this; they hold me hostage of the old Mom. I want them to say “wow Mom, you have really changed.” I think somewhere, I am still looking for validation and approval. They kept saying “you are the adult; we just want you to be an adult.” I wish I would have said, “what does an adult look like to you; what does that mean to you.” But, I got too wrapped up in defending myself. Wanting them to acknowledge my growth instead of keeping my mouth shut.
For some reason, I don’t seem to be a mess other than self-recognition of how I still want others recognition. I also realize, I don’t think I will ever be acceptable in their eyes if I am not saved. However, I do feel this needed to come out as we ALL WERE WALKING ON EGG SHELLS. Our issues are the same: They feel they can’t say anything and I feel I can’t say anything. Crazy.
My sensitive place: Never doing enough; never doing it right; never can make my parents happy no matter what I do. Oh how I tried. My kids touched that SENSITIVE place in me yesterday...GUESS I HAVE WORK TO DO!
XO
That is a whole lot that has happened in a short amount of time.
I have finished the book. I soaked parts of it in quite a bit and I am sure that other parts still need some time.
Hugs and prayers to you.