I'll let you know in advance this not to critique anyone but more than anything a rant.

Siezures are no laughing matter, but right now i feel like im having one that wont stop. Slowly people have been fading away from my life and you know why? Because i am honest about how I feel and it scares some of them off. I am sitting in a library staring at people who are so assumed with themselves that they can't even look up from there phones!! No one knows how anyone else is feeling right, because they don't truly want to know. I am so tired of feeling like this! I have medications but i don't need meds to fix this: I need friends. I already have a small group of them but no one ever contacts me just to check in and it hurts. My insides feel like they are on fire and it is such a difficult thing to deal with.

The other day i told someone theres no real in between with me theres only on extreme or the other and right now i am hitting the bad side of that spectrum. Am i alone? Because i truly feel like i am. So emotional and verging on paranoid. My chest was pounding like a drummer in a marching band but i have fortunately been able to calm it a little bit. How long will this last? Should i just stop being myself and pretend to smile when deep inside of me theres not a speck of hope remaining. Agggggggggggghhhhhh!!