Hey there,
Sounds like it's really rough for you right now. It might help to remember that your partner wasn't necessarily lying before they came out, or if they were, they were probably lying to themselves just as much if not more. Probably as a marine it was harder for your spouse to come to terms with their gender identity issues. If you don't want to leave them, there are definitely ways to work through a lot of this if you want to. Couples counseling seems like the way to go and I hope you guys can make that happen. Also why do you think they are cheating? Being trans doesn't necessarily mean they are also a cheater.... Finally, it's good you reached out, because if you have no friends other than your spouse (something else you should probably address in counseling... are you kept from making friends, or do you just not like other people as much as your spouse?) . Regardless, the other group on this site talks a lot more, I don't think most people use this group. Try "spouses of transgender" on this site and also the reddit "r/mypartneristrans;" they will be a lot more helpful. Good luck!

I don't like hanging out with other women, its always too much bs. I prefer male friends. Problem with that is they usually end up wanting more. I have been screwed over so much by people that call themselves friends that I just dont trust anyone anymore. I have a friend in another state 9 hours away that i have known 27 or more years and I think he and I would be able to hang out and not have other stuff happen because I am not his type at all as far as gfs. I also have 1 female friend that i have known for 35 years...but her health is so bad, we rarely get together because she is usually sick. My husband has become very close with a younger, much more attractive female. He is constantly texting or talking to her or he will drop everything and go meet her to "talk". He says she thinks of him as her "sister" and there is nothing more than a friendship. Being that I dont trust people not to screw me over, i dont believe that. We did marriage counseling. He lied to the counselor and me when he told her with me sitting there that he has no desire to be a woman. So why would I waste our time and money if he isnt going to tell the truth?
I am in counseling alone. He is in counseling alone. And of course his counselor is encouraging him to start hormones, telling him its the only way to deal with being trans. I dont buy that either.
Everyone tells me to divorce him...starting to agree and I hate that because I love him, or at least I love who I thought I was with.

I know how you feel i am 39 years old and i have been with my husband since 1999 with only one other man in 2013 when we briefly separated. He in the summer started estrogen therapy without telling me. I could tell in November something was up when I saw our photos from my birthday dinner, he looked feminine in them. When I ran into him at our local pharmacy in January and he was flustered getting a script filled I KNEW it was most likely estrogen. He told me that he didnt tell me at first because if it didnt work he didnt want to upset me for nothing but apparently it makes him feel normal. He doesnt want surgery so he says but he never told me about the estrogen either. But the physical effects I cant handle. The chest, the foundation, the girl earrings, the womens underwear, socks, jeans, t shirts. I am a small chested woman myself so if i took off my bra and stood sideways he is probably larger than I am. HE looks like a giant masculine female. We have a 5 year old daughter that if she was not in the picture I would most likely have been gone by now but I have been working just part time to raise our daughter because he didnt want daycare so i lost my fulltime job at my work when i came back from maternity. If i factor in expenses and daycare I dont know how I could manage on one income. Plus, she is at that age where she cant understand why we would be separating so i am afraid how much would change for her as far as reverting back to a younger age. Sometimes kids pee their pants again, have a sleuth of other issues. So far I have been able to not affect her too much but I worry that our lack of affection is going to start making her think things arent right and she cant verbalize so she may start to act out, she has not done that yet. I dont feel like i have any control over anything in my life anymore. I am not in counseling because of the cost. He spends money on hormones, laser hair removal, teeth whitening which yes he sold stocks and his dirt bike to pay for but the hormones and endocrinologists that is out of our income and I just dont know what good a therapist will be as you said what is my advice leave him and his therapist told him to take estrogen too. I dont have much family most of the family i have had has been his the last 20 years so I feel like i am just in some damn nightmare.

I can understand where you are coming from I came out to my wife in 04 telling her that I considered myself to be a transfemale, After years of research talking to councilors about my problem all the pieces of the puzzles started to fit in. Many times I have tried to tell her but she always turned s deaf ear as the years went by the abuse from her started escalating, having some days being physical, I realized that I should have been born a female, not only my mind but my body started to react to every piece of clothing that rashes would break out , as my wife would tell me Im a disease until she divorced me. At the time I wasn't dressing or buying woman's clothing until I met a nice lady , started dating showed me my true self. Started buying me female clothing, as I started to wear them my rashes would clear up and to my amazement I felt very comfortable wearing them, to make s long story short April I left her not to transition but to get away from the abuse , It came down to the yelling in public, name calling me a transvestite, wearing womens clothing in a walmart parking lot it got bad , I tried to talk to her about my feelings as I mentioned before I was ignored, she controlled my life , no cell phone or computer, I was not allowed to have or to be on them if I was my kids would tell , I was demanded to work to jobs , working 80+ hours a week while she would take trips or taking the family out to dinner and not bring anything for me to eat , every night I would have to choose between eating or grabbing z couple of mins or hour of sleep, I would for go the eating and went to sleep , in between that I would fight the monster inside of me called anxiety trying to keep it in check , but when I left her two days after Easter I was afraid for my life traveling back home into another state , it took me years to collect enough money to leave. Thinking they would come after me
With the police. I have been out of the closet for over s month and 10 days.
With me leaving I have paid a big price the last message I received from her was that the family considers me dead.
Danielle

I must ask do you understand what he is going through , explain to her that you want to talk just understand her feelings for the reasons behind the problem, if you are still deeply in love with her explain your feelings and get her to open up by telling her I want to know what you are feeling . It won't hurt to try . But be sincere,
Good luck