I hear you, Nickie. I also had a difficult time talking to my wife about who I am. I have been very lucky to have an incredibly understanding and progressive partner. I have been dressing up both ways since freshman year of high school.

Every single human being exists somewhere on the spectrum of gender, and it is totally okay to be wherever you are. In my experience, the first and most important person we need to accept us is ourselves. Love yourself, and know that your sisters and brothers in between love you, too
Jaime

Hi Nickie, I was in a situation until this past December. I was married to my belated wife which we talked about transgender people. She thought that they were choosing to be that way and it was wrong. But little did she know that in my heart every time she said that it was like she was stabbing me in the heart. She never knew that I am a girl in a male body and then she passed away in December after 17 yrs or being married. I knew that I was always different since I can remember anything I love to play with dolls, dress up, play house and tea parties. I love doing that until my parents caught me wearing girl clothes and I was made to be a boy. I resisted everything I was told to do. I was told by my work to go and see a therapist and then a psychologist. My therapist told me that on my third session that she could tell that I was born in the wrong body. My psychologist confirmed what my therapist said and I need to move forward with my transformation into whom I am suppose to be. I am excited and scared next week I go to a Endocrinologist to start hormones. I here to talk and I need support too, but we all need support for what we are going through. Also the average person doesn't understand how much we hurt and can not stand to look in mirrors. I am sorry for rambling on so much. I want you to know that you have to be yourself and not let anyone put you down and if she can't take you for who you are then that is her loss.
Manda

I've been in this struggle myself for at least 40 years, I am currently 48. Growing up I was envious of my little sister and wanted to be in the dance costumes with her, or finding some of my mom's clothes to put on when I could. I wound up in a baptist college and studying for the ministry and still struggling with this in the early 90's. I really thought getting married would fix me. WRONG!
I can't talk to my wife because early on she expressed her displeasure for anything GLBT and views being transgender as nothing more than sinful. I want to talk to someone, especially her about it, but I don't think it is possible without losing everything.
So, know that you are not alone in this.