It's good/lousy friday...i'm on a computer anybody can use in the apartment building where i live; i'm 58, a lot of the tenants in this special building are in the 70s and 80s.  I'm on the internet now to deal with my cat maybe having to be put to sleep monday---he's the only family/friend i have. 

my parents were drunks, and cold-hearted.  My mom was evil, my dad was worthless---it took me decades to figure that out and to be willing to express it.

A lot of people have too much guilt or shame to bad mouth their parents?

My dad killed himself at age 58, new years eve; i had to identify his body months after it was taken out the local river.  He never missed a day of work, or a sunday at church---or a saturday to the bars from around noon to 230 in the morning.

My mom was like some wicked stepmother; i had to hide my stuff when i was a little kid, cause she would give it away.  She badmouthed me to lowlifes whose kids were a lot worse, with stupid/crazy her liking people who were secretly helping me get high.

I was stuck okeying her being taken off life support at the hospital in 2001;  there wasn't anybody I could ask for medical advice while she was in the hospital, because she badmouthed me to everyone decades prior, when i was in my early teens, so i have been a semi-recluse all my life.

Lots of self-hate, and shame that my toxic parents should have felt about themselves---but which they transfered to me.

In a later era, my parents might have been arrested, if only for my rotted teeth at age 12; amazing how my parents started trying to get me to brush my teeth after my elementary school had all the students' teeth examined.  I ate suger frosted flakes for lunch and dinner cause my mom was a drunk, and my dad slept days from working nights.

My parents only bought me a car at age 16, cause I had to quit school from bullying, and therapist probably told them my mom was wrong about calling the police if I wasn't home from school by 330 in afternoon?  At age 18, I was in a deep deep depression, secluded in the delapidated family house, with my parents' reaction to my depression/seclusion by telling people i was living in another state, or hitch hiking around the country.

My parents had good things to say about lowlifes and seemed to hate me for being sober till age 21.

So, here i am, for the holiday weekend, on the internet, to try to forget my cat that i might have to put to sleep on a monday, with me having bicyclied to vet for questions/appointments because i dont have a car or phone.  If i do have to put my cat to sleep, i'm going right to a shelter, thanks to somebody in my building having a car, so i won't feel totally alone, and depressed.

I think my toxic parents wanted such a lousy life for me, if only because they had lousy lives too.