Hi, I'm sorry for the real suffering that you are experiencing and my heart goes out to you. I believe I understand what you're going through... the feeling of being alone in your Tourette's - both the fierce independence this creates and the abject loneliness. For being such a public-facing disorder, Tourettes is a silent killer. My tics began in 3rd grade and I was diagnosed with Tourette's a few years later. Standing where I am today, 20 years later, I can say my Tourette's is probably never going away. Like you, I've always tried to deal with it on my own. I'm pretty sure that as a kid I internalized a lot of shame, knowing that others would perceive me as odd or different. My fear of what others would think of me drove me to go to great pains to learn to suppress my tics publicly (and my case was minor enough that I was able to do so) - but never without a mental, emotional, and even physical cost. The biggest cost, I think is that others have no idea what you're going through if they never see your tics, or only see a very tempered or watered-down version of them. Meanwhile, the exhaustion and anxiety that comes both from suppressing tics and from the tics themselves can't be hidden, and can lead to greater isolation.

I would encourage you to seek some help. Not necessarily medication, but perhaps a counselor to help you with the negative emotions and obsessive thoughts that Tourette's can cause. Recently, I started seeing a therapist for social anxiety. Not too much progress yet, but it's only been a few months. I do find it to be a big relief though to have someone that I can talk openly with about my tics, and to take the time to articulate how Tourette's affects my day-to-day.

I hope this comment helps in some way. Stay positive!

Many cases of tourettes have a treatable functional cause. I am a craniopath and can discuss options if you'd like