all my life i've felt like an outsider. even when I was part of a group. my job is hard because as a freelancer, I feel like an outsider. and i'm doing the best I can every day. but it's so challenging. i don't really know what i am doing. i never had a mentor at any point in my life. i see how easy life is for some people. i don't resent them at all. i just feel like i want to run away. i really struggle to connect with "normal" happy people. I feel like i have nothing to offer the world. i don't know why. i feel like i have nothing to contribute. i feel sad. things seem hopeless today for some reason.