I was lying awake for 2 hours this night and said outloud to myself "I hurt so much", just as my son entered my bedroom and said "I'm sorry". He sat on my bed, as he sometimes does before he goes to sleep and wants to talk. I asked him what is on his mind. He told me about the domestic violence and fear that his young girlfriend is going through right now and is looking for answers. She is from the Ukraine so some of it is her step father threatening to send her back, as well as pulling her hair and pushing her around. I urged him to get her to call the Children's health line to get the real answers that she needs. We went to his computer and got the phone number and I showed him the confidentuality of it.

It gets more involved than this because last week, her exboyfriend sent her an anonymous email saying he was going to rape her, but she refused to tell her parents for fear of their reaction, so my son (they are both 16) took it to the Principal who started an investigation. Then my son took it further and cornered this fellow and made him apologize (by this time the boy was pretty worried about hearing there was an investigation and he might be expelled)

So my son asked if his girlfriend has a safe place here to move in is she gets kicked out. Well sheesh, two hormonal teens under one roof (I make a joke). I don't know either parents at all and I am relying on information from my son. As for myself, I was married in an abusive relationship for 20 years and was afraid to leave. When I did, it took a year and a half of threats and stalking to get out safely and with my life and the life of my sons. The day I was planning to escape to a safe house was when he finally relented to let me go finally and that was after my doctor had drugged him heavily for a month as part of our marraige counselling therapy. Plus, just this year, I had to kick out my boyfriend for his failed attempt at being a stepfather that resulted in hitting my son. We are still working on being a couple, but we have to live at seperate residences. and only see each other on weekends now. Jim is at least making amends.

But, I have been through emotional hell this last year as I've had to take a good hard look at myself and my role in allowing others to treat me like shit and crossing boundries. I have learned a lot on this subject. and still have much to learn. I realize that I will never be healed of my abuse issues because I was born into it. My mother and I still are at odds (another story)

So anyways, there is no way that I can just say, 'not our problem" if someone vulnerable asks for help. But I'm not a friggen hero either. Taking on a 16 year old girl solves nothing and just makes me a target. I told my son that he must first get his girlfriend to call this help line and ask questions and search for facts. Then I want to talk to her. If she is being physically bruised, she must call the police. If she is not safe at all and has no family to take her in, then I need to talk to the mother. See what makes the mother tick. Listen to her and see if she has any unreasonable fears. She does come from another country so maybe she is unclear as to her rights, or maybe she is somewhere where I was once and just hasn't found her voice.

I don't know. I do know that everytime I try to block this situation out, it just gets louder and its not going away. I don't want to take in another teenager and the mother has to be empowered. The mother doesn't even know about the rape threat and I can relate to the girl not telling her because when I was 15, a stranger tried to throw me in the bushes and had cut my lip kissing me and I never told either. (I just carried a small knife for years after that)

So is this God putting someone in my path that I should help, which would be good, because then it means I have a chance to be successful, OR, because my son comes from an abused home and loves his abused mother, he seeks out an abused female and I'm stuck trying to fix it because he doesn't have the maturity to do it?

I just feel like there is this new weight on my shoulders that I just could do without right now. I'm trying to pull away from helping others and focusing on healing myself for a change, which to me, I consider selfish, but there is no way I can stand by and ignore a young girls cry for help if it is authentic. How do I know it is authentically a horrible situation? By what standards? Who am I to decide if a parent is too rough or not? What if my personal experiences are too muddled into this and it's not as bad as I've been led to beleive?

I have to be up for work in 5 hours and my head is killing me still. I've taken all the drugs I can safely take tonight so I'm going to end this now and I hope by the time I open this, you guys might have some sage advise to give me.

Thanks for listening

Angela