The Hen House Community Group
This Group is for Hens only. A place where we can share and flock together:) May friendships grow here.
Damn, but it is real late and I have to be awake in 5 hours to go to work. My head hurts so friggen bad and I'm exhausted from the days of pain and nausea. I just can't sleep and if I take a sleeping pill, I won't be awake tomorrow to function. 2 Oxycotin and 4 T-3's and 2 muscle relaxants and it barely touches the madness behind my left eye. I lie there and wish I wouldn't wake up. I wish it was all over.
This week at work was okay in that my biggest antagonist is away in Germany until Monday. But, not before he reset all the door alarms and didn't tell me my new code, so when I got to work it took 20 minutes to get the security company to shut it down. Not before he went in my office and removed the thermostat to be in the hall. (My door is never locked so there is no reason to do this). And not before he upset so many people in his area with his yelling and unprofessional behavior, that the new management gave him his own office. As if he ego isn't big enough, he thinks he's being rewarded for this shitty behavior.
At work, I have actually given up. Like a depression, I can't work with the enthusiasm that I used to because I know he will take credit for all my work, and throw me under the bus at every chance.
I've put out a lot of resume's and yes, I do have a good paying job until I find something. But, damn this is so hard to be there. The hurt, betrayal and unfairness of the whole thing. I've been in this position before in past jobs and I keep asking myself what the hell I did wrong again. While the little boys are waving their penis' like they are Gods and patting each other on the back for my demise, I'm now doubting everything about me. When I go somewhere else for employment, will it be just as political and hurtful.
I see now that insecure people hate me because I make things look easy. But that is an illusion because everything is so hard and it just isn't fair. If I complain I am a whiny woman or a Bitch so I just take the hard hits quietly and grow. The saying is 'the proof is in the pudding', but if you have boys ganging up on you, no one notices the pudding. When there is a boy in charge, I will always lose.
I know the universe will provide for me. Lord knows I've had some desperate situations in my life and got a miracle or too. But everyday it is so friggen hard to wake up and go, and so hard to fall asleep because I know that just brings another day of holding in my frustrations and trying to be professional when inside I just want to scream obsenities at so many of them. But, I can't let them bastards see me sweat or fall apart. I will not give them that satisfaction. I will remain a class act to the end.
But oh damn it how I wish the new job would come right away so it will completely screw up this company that I'm in. They have no idea how much I know and do there and I'm not about to outline it for them when i go. If I leave, produciton will be shut down within 2 months because of this guy's incompetancy and that would be such sweet revenge. They say the best revenge is living well and I just want to move on and live well somewhere else.
I don't know if my resume is good, or confusing and I don't know if I come across as competent when meeting me face to face. I am so unsure to when it comes to what impression that I make. I feel like I am lacking in so much, but not sure of what. You know what I mean? There has to be something wrong with me that this keeps happening one job after another. My latest boss treated me with the utmost of respect based on the work that I do and now he is has left suddenly. How can I be a leader if people are too immature to learn? How could all the efforts amount to nothing? I would change if I knew what my core problem is.
So, I keep seeking and looking for hidden meanings and coincidences in the Universal flow of life. Praying for a sign, a direction, or an opportunity, but each day is so emotionally difficult, especially if I'm popping pills for the pain.
I'm afraid that the next job, when it comes along, will happen just like this one. Prizes given to bullies and any great accomplishments that I make go down someone else's envy alley so I never get the recognition I deserve.
Anyways, I'm feeling better for having get this out of my system and if you skipped over my long passage above, that is okay with me. I just need to get this out.
I have spent a few days earlier this week to gather and copy evidence for a lawsuit that I might lauch once I get a new job. I was reading that this fellow in Ontario had successfully sued his former employee for wrongful demotion. He was demoted because there were a lot of complaints by his coworkers, but his argument was that they never told him or allowed him to recify it. And that it damaged his career path. I was thinking about my exemplanary good record. No one has ever gone to HR with any problems about me ,so a demotion, even with same pay, has stifled my career and forced me move to find another job.
I took this assholes resume and sat it next to mine and it makes him look under qualified. Plus I took the correspondence of him trying to bully me last week and when I emailed his new manager to get him to stop this guy from this behavior, I was completely brushed off and this jerk was defended as trying to help me. I have all of this in emails and more. I have no one to turn to within the company who I can reason with that would help me. How can I be fabulous for 8 years and the day after my old boss leaves, I get the shit kicked out of me in a meeting. Ganged up on. People who don't have the purchasing education that I have (schooling and experience) are demanding things that are irrelevant or can't be explained in 5 minutes. Total ignorance and ego. Revenge on me for being smarter and stronger than fragile little boy's egos.
But this scenerio has happened to me before. So I doubt myself and ask if maybe it is my ego that is the problem. Maybe I'm not all that. Maybe business in this country is run like the Taliban and I will always wear a Burka.
Well, I do know one thing for sure. I have a hole in my wall at work from this idiot removing the thermostat, so I'm going to hang one of my paintings over it. The one with the military in the background and the woman in the Burka walking infront of them regardless of her fear and difference and lack of weapon.
Thanks for letting me have a safe place to speak out honestly.
Maybe now I can sleep.
Hugs to you all for the strength that you have given me. It certainly does help me to rethink about some things you have said in my last email. I need to remain confident in the eyes of those watching, even when I have so many doubts in my mind.
Good night, sweet chickies.
Angela
This week at work was okay in that my biggest antagonist is away in Germany until Monday. But, not before he reset all the door alarms and didn't tell me my new code, so when I got to work it took 20 minutes to get the security company to shut it down. Not before he went in my office and removed the thermostat to be in the hall. (My door is never locked so there is no reason to do this). And not before he upset so many people in his area with his yelling and unprofessional behavior, that the new management gave him his own office. As if he ego isn't big enough, he thinks he's being rewarded for this shitty behavior.
At work, I have actually given up. Like a depression, I can't work with the enthusiasm that I used to because I know he will take credit for all my work, and throw me under the bus at every chance.
I've put out a lot of resume's and yes, I do have a good paying job until I find something. But, damn this is so hard to be there. The hurt, betrayal and unfairness of the whole thing. I've been in this position before in past jobs and I keep asking myself what the hell I did wrong again. While the little boys are waving their penis' like they are Gods and patting each other on the back for my demise, I'm now doubting everything about me. When I go somewhere else for employment, will it be just as political and hurtful.
I see now that insecure people hate me because I make things look easy. But that is an illusion because everything is so hard and it just isn't fair. If I complain I am a whiny woman or a Bitch so I just take the hard hits quietly and grow. The saying is 'the proof is in the pudding', but if you have boys ganging up on you, no one notices the pudding. When there is a boy in charge, I will always lose.
I know the universe will provide for me. Lord knows I've had some desperate situations in my life and got a miracle or too. But everyday it is so friggen hard to wake up and go, and so hard to fall asleep because I know that just brings another day of holding in my frustrations and trying to be professional when inside I just want to scream obsenities at so many of them. But, I can't let them bastards see me sweat or fall apart. I will not give them that satisfaction. I will remain a class act to the end.
But oh damn it how I wish the new job would come right away so it will completely screw up this company that I'm in. They have no idea how much I know and do there and I'm not about to outline it for them when i go. If I leave, produciton will be shut down within 2 months because of this guy's incompetancy and that would be such sweet revenge. They say the best revenge is living well and I just want to move on and live well somewhere else.
I don't know if my resume is good, or confusing and I don't know if I come across as competent when meeting me face to face. I am so unsure to when it comes to what impression that I make. I feel like I am lacking in so much, but not sure of what. You know what I mean? There has to be something wrong with me that this keeps happening one job after another. My latest boss treated me with the utmost of respect based on the work that I do and now he is has left suddenly. How can I be a leader if people are too immature to learn? How could all the efforts amount to nothing? I would change if I knew what my core problem is.
So, I keep seeking and looking for hidden meanings and coincidences in the Universal flow of life. Praying for a sign, a direction, or an opportunity, but each day is so emotionally difficult, especially if I'm popping pills for the pain.
I'm afraid that the next job, when it comes along, will happen just like this one. Prizes given to bullies and any great accomplishments that I make go down someone else's envy alley so I never get the recognition I deserve.
Anyways, I'm feeling better for having get this out of my system and if you skipped over my long passage above, that is okay with me. I just need to get this out.
I have spent a few days earlier this week to gather and copy evidence for a lawsuit that I might lauch once I get a new job. I was reading that this fellow in Ontario had successfully sued his former employee for wrongful demotion. He was demoted because there were a lot of complaints by his coworkers, but his argument was that they never told him or allowed him to recify it. And that it damaged his career path. I was thinking about my exemplanary good record. No one has ever gone to HR with any problems about me ,so a demotion, even with same pay, has stifled my career and forced me move to find another job.
I took this assholes resume and sat it next to mine and it makes him look under qualified. Plus I took the correspondence of him trying to bully me last week and when I emailed his new manager to get him to stop this guy from this behavior, I was completely brushed off and this jerk was defended as trying to help me. I have all of this in emails and more. I have no one to turn to within the company who I can reason with that would help me. How can I be fabulous for 8 years and the day after my old boss leaves, I get the shit kicked out of me in a meeting. Ganged up on. People who don't have the purchasing education that I have (schooling and experience) are demanding things that are irrelevant or can't be explained in 5 minutes. Total ignorance and ego. Revenge on me for being smarter and stronger than fragile little boy's egos.
But this scenerio has happened to me before. So I doubt myself and ask if maybe it is my ego that is the problem. Maybe I'm not all that. Maybe business in this country is run like the Taliban and I will always wear a Burka.
Well, I do know one thing for sure. I have a hole in my wall at work from this idiot removing the thermostat, so I'm going to hang one of my paintings over it. The one with the military in the background and the woman in the Burka walking infront of them regardless of her fear and difference and lack of weapon.
Thanks for letting me have a safe place to speak out honestly.
Maybe now I can sleep.
Hugs to you all for the strength that you have given me. It certainly does help me to rethink about some things you have said in my last email. I need to remain confident in the eyes of those watching, even when I have so many doubts in my mind.
Good night, sweet chickies.
Angela
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89FNo energy, just going to do whatever. Sandra, It's hard to move at a certain time in life. You've been in your home forever, at least you'll be able to travel to the beach and enjoy. Oh, we did hear Boris Johnson's tenure ended due to a series of ethics scandals, accusations of dishonesty and a final collapse of government support that forced his recognation. What he didn't do like the...
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88FWhat I do like is early morning clouds and then they disappear and the sun comes out. That was it's cooler in the morning. I'm sitting here looking out the window at the hummingbird with the river and dike as a back drop. It's hard to invision ever leaving but I'm also a realist with aging, especially when the luncheon we had with thirty former classmates on Monday. Sandra, we get news of...
You mention this scenario being repeated in every job you've had and that you now expect it in the next. Though I don't doubt for a second that you are beyond competent and should, in fact, be appreciated and rewarded for your contribution to any company you work within, you have been mistreated to the point of questioning yourself.
I wonder if it might be to your benefit to find a therapist who could help you explore your questions. You all hear me talk about my wonderful 'shrink'. After a recent emotional meltdown, he is helping me understand what can't be rewritten or even addressed with the original offender and start to work on the mental and physical reactions I experience when triggered.
Your dreadful headaches might be a piece of the puzzle. I might be all wrong about that, but it seems you're at a crisis point and anything is worth a shot. I know you'd probably rather take a shot at the waving penises, but hitting something that small might prove difficult with your poor head pounding!
I would so love to see things turn around for you. You are deserving of recognition and respect for your huge contribution within this company.
One last thought...the picture you want to hang over the hole in the wall might be better placed in your home where it's the last thing you see as you leave for work. Sadly, displaying it at work would most likely be seen as an antagonistic act by the male children. I think self preservation is probably more beneficial until you're out of that atmosphere than making a statement. You could conjure up the image throughout the day to remind yourself that you are not going to let this situation stand indefinitely!
You have my continued love and support...
Cherry
If i went to work in one of your offices and met you, i am pretty sure that i would feel you were such a confident strong woman (and you are) but now and again ive noticed that you have these "crisis moments", like the rug gets dragged from under your feet and you dont know who you are anymore. I wouldn't know that deep down under all that thick skin you were human, that you are sensitive and you doubt yourself and get insecure just like the rest of us.
I agree with cherry on the picture, to me it seems like more thick skin protection that will end up with you having to battle some more.
I wonder what would happen if you stopped being so defensive, if you showed a more human side? Would your last weeks or months be more bearable if the boys stopped feeling so threatened cos they wouldn't be throwing the stones.
The way i see it is that your leaving anyway.. so why are you fighting so hard? What are trying to prove? Can you not go in, do whats required, and go home? The next company who hires you will hire you for your whole record, not on how you performed in your last weeks, so again.. what are fighting for?
My last thoughts.. dont go into your next job with so much armour, how could i get to know you and work well with you if you dont let me see the real you. A woman can be strong, confident and have a vulnerable side too.
(((( hugs))))
Hugs and love
Hugs and love
i want so much for you to find a place that appreciates you and allows you to grow and feel a part of a team.
hugs n hope!
Your body is reacting to all the emotional trauma you are experiencing at work. You are being dismissed for your intelligence and work ethic for being penisless. It happens in every work place to a larger degree then most people understand.
As the wife of a therapist is might be a good idea to find someone for venting and possible solutions. Talking to someone about questioning the workplace theatrics and marginalizing your performance could be helpful in regaining some of your health. Emotions can have a huge impact on what our bodies can handle.
In one of my past careers I wrote resumes. The first question I would ask is tell me 5 things positive about yourself. The tell me 5 things negative about yourself. It helped me to form a better picture. Many times the picture would become very clear on the chosen career path and there was a need to embrace all that knowledge and go a different direction.
It is heartbreaking to see you in so much pain both emotionally and physically. It is a very good thing you have this very safe, supportive and loving place.
Joanne