The Hen House Community Group
This Group is for Hens only. A place where we can share and flock together:) May friendships grow here.
Hi buddies.
I'm having a rough time that seems to be escallating as the day gets nearer, and maybe when the day passes, so will this feeling. But maybe some of you have had this and can give me some words of comfort to help me along. I am usually a very sensible person so this is confusing me.
In September I am hitting my 50th birthday and whenever I think about this, I get all chocked up and want to cry. When I allow myself to think about it, it seems that there are a few issues that unsettle me. One being that I've always been a hard worker, yet I'm so far behind. Another is that of pain and that it is getting worse and I fear for the future.
I have decided to take a long road trip during my birthday so I won't be around anyone here to see me and my emotional pain. Kind of like hiding it, you know. I've tried to tell a few close people but then I get the "its only a number" speech, but, it's not. It's a measuring stick and I can sit here and say I did this and that and look at all the good things that I did and have in my life, but, lets face it, life has been hard and I'm afraid it's going to be harder.
I really worked hard to do all the right things in life and I wound up alone and supporting others. What if I completely break down? I don't even want to see the doctors anymore. Next month I have to see the Endocronologist about the Graves Disease and t I have and make those decisions that could make me worse, or not. Everything is so indecisive and unpredictable, but, never positive or conclusive. The botox is not working like it was and the migraines are almost every day again and I'm afraid to tell the new Neurologist incase he decides to change me to something that doesn't work and I'm in a worse state.
I'm afraid. I"m barely hanging on and I'd gladly let go if I knew that letting go would mean there was a net below, but, this is not one of those situations.
Does any of this make sense? How do you not let the fear of the future overwhelm you? Or does the past repeat in the future or does the future become different? Or does the future become nicer than you think? Or...?
Thanks for listening.....
I'm having a rough time that seems to be escallating as the day gets nearer, and maybe when the day passes, so will this feeling. But maybe some of you have had this and can give me some words of comfort to help me along. I am usually a very sensible person so this is confusing me.
In September I am hitting my 50th birthday and whenever I think about this, I get all chocked up and want to cry. When I allow myself to think about it, it seems that there are a few issues that unsettle me. One being that I've always been a hard worker, yet I'm so far behind. Another is that of pain and that it is getting worse and I fear for the future.
I have decided to take a long road trip during my birthday so I won't be around anyone here to see me and my emotional pain. Kind of like hiding it, you know. I've tried to tell a few close people but then I get the "its only a number" speech, but, it's not. It's a measuring stick and I can sit here and say I did this and that and look at all the good things that I did and have in my life, but, lets face it, life has been hard and I'm afraid it's going to be harder.
I really worked hard to do all the right things in life and I wound up alone and supporting others. What if I completely break down? I don't even want to see the doctors anymore. Next month I have to see the Endocronologist about the Graves Disease and t I have and make those decisions that could make me worse, or not. Everything is so indecisive and unpredictable, but, never positive or conclusive. The botox is not working like it was and the migraines are almost every day again and I'm afraid to tell the new Neurologist incase he decides to change me to something that doesn't work and I'm in a worse state.
I'm afraid. I"m barely hanging on and I'd gladly let go if I knew that letting go would mean there was a net below, but, this is not one of those situations.
Does any of this make sense? How do you not let the fear of the future overwhelm you? Or does the past repeat in the future or does the future become different? Or does the future become nicer than you think? Or...?
Thanks for listening.....
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89FNo energy, just going to do whatever. Sandra, It's hard to move at a certain time in life. You've been in your home forever, at least you'll be able to travel to the beach and enjoy. Oh, we did hear Boris Johnson's tenure ended due to a series of ethics scandals, accusations of dishonesty and a final collapse of government support that forced his recognation. What he didn't do like the...
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ahhh, the future. that seems to change day to day. what would we do if we knew...
I wasn't at all bothered when i hit my 40th. I guess knowing a friend who i hung around with as a teen, dying of cancer at 38 leaving children behind, had something to do with that.
It made me think how lucky i was to have made it to 40. Some don't even get a chance at child hood.
Ok, so i might not have achieved all i set out to achieve, but i am loved and life has given me that.
You've almost made it to 50! Despite your hard life. You should be patting yourself on the back that you've come this far.
Lets be honest if we had a chance at 20 to look in a crystal ball to see our future, all of us would loose the will to carry on!
None of us know what is going to happen in the future, we cant control what is going to happen, we can only control the way we deal with what happens.
THE PERKS OF BEING OVER 50!
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run into a burning building.
4. People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8. You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.
9. You can live without sex but not without glasses.
10. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
11. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
12. You have a party and the neighbours don't even realize it.
13. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
14. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no! matter who walks into the room.
15. You sing along with elevator music.
16. Your eyes won't get much worse.
17. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
18. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
19. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
20. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
21. You can't remember who sent you this list.
I say congratulations on turning 50! God bless
Dixie
Empathy, great fun and a laugh but I think more applicable to 60. 50 holds much more promise.
Seriously though I do hear your concerns. I am sorry to hear the migraines are slamming you full force again.
love and peace
hippy
Each day is an accomplishment, each year is a milestone when you have daily challenges. Brithdays are not a measuring stick they are a reminder that we made one more year. Don't set such high goals that you stay angry at not accomplishing them. Break the goals into managable sizes.
Your fear is the most damaging to your happiness. If you waste time afraid of tomorrow or what might happen or if it might get worse then you have just lost today. Forget about tomorrow and worry about today and what you can accomplish today. Headaches are very hard to function with, but if you succeed in accomplishing anything while fighting a headache. Pat yourself on the back.
Celebrating your birthday away from everyone is O.K. if you are giving yourself peace not depression.
Society created milestones not us. Celebrate what you have accomplished not what you missed or did not get done. No one leaves this Earth fully accomplished and with all of their business complete. It is impossible.
But happiness is your choice. You choose to enjoy the moments that are good. An hour of lower pain, completing something you are proud of. Not how long it took to do something. Time does not count in life. We have no idea how long any of us have on this Earth. Celebrate the moment, the day, the hour. Please don't let fear rob you of your right to peace and happiness.
50 is young, there are many more sunsets to enjoy. Accept the uncertainty as part of live but refuse to allow it to control you or your fear.
However you celebrate your birthday, make it special for yourself. I pray that you can find peace and happiness in the mist of darkness. When you let go, the net that will catch you will be your willpower to fight and find happiness.
Big hugs. -RJ
BTW- Cute list Empathy!
Love Angela
i'm glad that you posted this for us to share in your feelings and to get us all thinking about the standards we hold ourselves to. and VERY GLAD that you feel better about yourself and your birthday.
You are one of the least self-pitying people I " know".. it's one of the things I admire about you.
I think it's OK to allow yourself to have..and..yes..even express these normal feelings.
I think, for us..these normal reflections at milestones are deepened by how altered our lives have been from what we once imafined they would be at this time by our pain and illness.
I hope you find some peace within yourself and get to enjoy your trip.
Luv n hugs..jc
I hope you realize that growing older also means growing wiser and that is a huge gift.
May your new decade bring fulfillment such that you never even imagined!
hugs,
Ama
I think I felt the same and back then I did not feel 50. Most of my friends were/are older then I and are in great shape physically and mentally. So with that I knew I could still feel as young as I wanted.
A few injuries and surgeries later I am still thinking 50 is not bad and i have a lot to look forward to and back on.
I think that is why I like #5 of Empathy's Plus's on being 50.
So please hang in there and glad you put it into words, No self pity in you, just a milestone that wow, it's here already!
Hoping no surprises party, not that would make me mad when I was dealing with the big 50!
hugs and welcome, soon, to 50!