I know it is a serious occasional and it should be but it can also have room for some humor....and on mother's day.....I for one need the humor :)
Enjoy


There was an elderly lady whom was waiting in the waiting room with her daughter.The nurse entered the waiting area and announced for the elderly lady to go on back to see the doctor. The nurse spoke louder but still she could not hear.

The elderly lady's daughter leaned over and said, "mother let's turn your hearing aid up." Then she yelled in shock,"That's not your hearing aid, its a suppository!

The elderly mother replied,"Well, now I know where my hearing aid went!
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My Mother taught me LOGIC..."If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can't go to the store with me."

My Mother taught me MEDICINE..."If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they're going to freeze that way."

My Mother taught me TO THINK AHEAD..."If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job!"

My Mother taught me ESP..."Put your sweater on; don't you think that I know when you're cold?"

My Mother taught me TO MEET A CHALLENGE..."What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you...Don't talk back to me!"

My Mother taught me HUMOR..."When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT..."If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.

My mother taught me ABOUT SEX..."How do you think you got here?"

My mother taught me about GENETICS..."You are just like your father!"

My mother taught me about my ROOTS..."Do you think you were born in a barn?"

My mother taught me about the WISDOM of AGE..."When you get to be my age, you will understand."

My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION..."Just wait until your father gets home."

My mother taught me about RECEIVING..."You are going to get it when we get home."

And, my all-time favorite - JUSTICE..."One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like YOU -- then you'll see what it's like."
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While assembling furniture, Mary asked her roommate's five-year-old son to bring her a screwdriver. "Do you want a 'Daddy' screwdriver or a 'Mommy' screwdriver?" the little boy asked. Confused with the question, Mary said, "Bring me a 'Mommy' screwdriver." The child came back and handed her a butter knife.

For weeks, a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house. One day, the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event. The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?" Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"

A mother and her young son returned from the grocery shop and began putting away the groceries. The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table. "What are you doing?" his mother asked. "The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained. "Therefore I'm looking for the seal", he cutely said.
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These are real absence excuses sent to school from the parents of kids at the Wells Branch School District.

Dear school please accuse John from being absent on January 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.

Please excuse Dianne from being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

I had to keep Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I didn't know what size she ware.

Please excuse Johnny for being. It was his father's fault.

Mary could not come to school because she was bothered by very close veins.

Chris will not be in school cuz he has an acre in his side.

John has been absent because he had two teeth taken off his face.

Excuse Gloria. She has been under the doctor.

Lillie was absent from school yesterday because she had a going over.

My son is under the doctor's care and should not take fizaca ed. Please execute him.

Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent this weekend with the Marines.

Please excuse Joyce from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday she fell off a tree and misplaced her hip.

Please excuse Ray friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

Maryann was absent December 11-16 because she had a fever, sore throat, headache, and upset stomack. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be the flu going around, her father even got hot last night.

Please excuse Blanche from jim today. She is adminstrating.

Please excuse Pedero from being absent yseterday. He had diah/ dyah/ the sh*ts.

George was absent yesterday because he had a stomach.

Ralph was absent yesterday because he had a sore trout.

Please excuse Wayne for being out yeaterday, because he had the fuel.

Please excuse Sarah for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.