The Hen House Community Group
This Group is for Hens only. A place where we can share and flock together:) May friendships grow here.
Hi buddies. I'm needing some female time. I'm feeling a little beaten by life of late and just needing a sympathetic ear, I guess. I really don't have any one major issue. I can add them all up and they do amount to a lot on my plate, but it keeps me occupied, I guess. Nothing I can't handle and it could be worse. But I find my self esteem is such a lack. It always has been and probably always will be and I drift to dark thoughts.
Today I go for a breast mammogram, and currently, my best friend is fighting breast cancer and is losing her hair. I call her all the time to make sure she is okay (she lives a distance away). She is surrounded by sisters and friends that care for her constantly. I've never been afraid of a mammogram before but today I am. I'm afraid that if it comes up positive, that it is my ticket out. I shove that thought from my mind, knowing it is supposed to be a bad thought, but it keeps popping in. It certainly isn't attention that I'm looking for because, well, I can guarantee from past experience that I'll be abandoned in a time of need. But it is a very real thought.
I'm just so tired of it all. This life struggle thing, the pain, the no reward. Push push push. Everything is uphill and I carry everyone and everyone is complaining. I set the example and set the bar and speak up and do the right thing and carry forward and encourage and take the higher path and, for what? I'm just a story without a happy ending.
People who say they love me will still do shitty things to me behind my back. The selfish will take, the mean will hurt, the cruel will destroy and what I make will crumble over time. Nice guys finish last and their is no honour in making the same heartfelt mistakes over and over and over again. What a stupid merry-go-round of wasted energy. How I wish I could just turn off my brains and stop giving a crap.
I likely make partial sense to you in these ramblings, but thanks for being my girls and listening.
'
Angela
Today I go for a breast mammogram, and currently, my best friend is fighting breast cancer and is losing her hair. I call her all the time to make sure she is okay (she lives a distance away). She is surrounded by sisters and friends that care for her constantly. I've never been afraid of a mammogram before but today I am. I'm afraid that if it comes up positive, that it is my ticket out. I shove that thought from my mind, knowing it is supposed to be a bad thought, but it keeps popping in. It certainly isn't attention that I'm looking for because, well, I can guarantee from past experience that I'll be abandoned in a time of need. But it is a very real thought.
I'm just so tired of it all. This life struggle thing, the pain, the no reward. Push push push. Everything is uphill and I carry everyone and everyone is complaining. I set the example and set the bar and speak up and do the right thing and carry forward and encourage and take the higher path and, for what? I'm just a story without a happy ending.
People who say they love me will still do shitty things to me behind my back. The selfish will take, the mean will hurt, the cruel will destroy and what I make will crumble over time. Nice guys finish last and their is no honour in making the same heartfelt mistakes over and over and over again. What a stupid merry-go-round of wasted energy. How I wish I could just turn off my brains and stop giving a crap.
I likely make partial sense to you in these ramblings, but thanks for being my girls and listening.
'
Angela
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Good morning.81 and climbing this afternoon. Joanne I hope you and Mario had a lovely wedding anniversary! Sounds like a very worthwhile treat :-)There was just the 4 of us at ours at Bromley registry office. Yeah if there's a huge fire all crew at fire stations in the area and outside the area if needed will be called in to help. Doug and I bought a walking treadmill. I did 45 minutes...
I'm sorry I can't be very uplifting, but I can say that I understand completely!
Hugs and more hugs...go ahead and spit. I will if you will.
(((Hugs)))
Simultaneous spit offer still stands, though.
Xoxo
You always have amazed me. You have all this pain and you show up everyday to a job that is challenging and stressful. When I have a migraine I can't think straight, yet you go to work and make decisions and are productive.
So you look at your friend's situation and see what she is going through and you are bound to think what if.
Especially since you are going for that mammogram.
I wish I had answers. A long time ago I was in a dark place with just me and two sons under the age of 12.
I lived for them. After a bad marriage I held no hope for ever having love in my life. No help from anyone in my family. It was just myself and my two sons. I look back and I don't see how I made it.
My wish for you is for that one caring man who is perfect for you to come along. Not so much to take care of you but to complete your life. Mind you my husband isn't a saint but he is my soulmate. When you are blessed you say you are blessed. I have never felt I deserved this.
In the end I think we must find joy in what we have been given. Our children, our talents, the caring giving spirit you have, and even the way you bring passion and life to a thought with your art. I hope when you give of yourself you will find joy in that. I am a firm believer that giving brings blessings to the giver as well as the receiver.
Now some, most of this goes for you too Cherry and Dixie.
Love you Hens
I am currently broken. I am so alone.
I think we certainly can't compare ourselves as to who has it worse, muskrate. We all wear different shoes and have walked in different swamps in life. We are motivated for different reasons.
Some days I get inspirations from you guys, but other days, like these last weeks, I just can't get out of the blues. I'm just stuck in many fears, I guess, and with fear, lies hopelessness. The only way out, is through it. But then I just get depressed because I can't find any answers. It's not just a pain issue, but other life issues that I keep asking God for help with and it seems that it lies in the hands of other people. I'm lacking in faith right now and admire those that have it..
I do have my art where I get lost in the colours and don't have to think of anything but that, but I can only do that for so long, especially when I'm hurting. Some days or nights I look at my pills and just want to take a few more so I can get stoned and not think. I've never done that, but it crosses my mind more and more of late. But, tomorrow I will have the same damn situation. Wake up feeling like I haven't slept, drag myself downstairs for a handfull of pills. Head hurts like always, off to work in a cold car and so it starts.
SPIT SPIT SPIT SPIT, feels good, Cherry, but now I've got to wipe off my dog.
I'll pull out, just need to moan and get it out.
Sincere deeply emotional hugs to you guys
i admire you so much - your determination at a frustrating job, your wonderful gift of painting, and your compassion here.
i wish you the best with the mammogram.
hugs and hope!!
You sounded to me like you were belittling yourself because you did not work and didn't because of migraines and I didn't want you to do that because we all have our own experiences and I don't ever want this to be a contest of which one of us suffers the most. We all have our crosses to bear and it is deeply personal.
Please accept my apolgies and don't ever feel you can't speak up about anything. This is a safe place. Everything said is helpful.
hugs hun.
Muskrat.............please never feel bad about saying anything...........and certainly never shut up! We all learn from each other.