The problem with CP is that when your busy you wish you weren't and when you aren't busy you wish you were! Am I fickle or what?!

dixie, i know what you mean, i think.
i've tried and tried to find ways to volunteer from home or with a flexible commitment. in nyc, i could find daily work, but here, no way. i do my little etsy thing which is pitiful right now, but i'm so exhausted from daily chores, i don't get to the fun stuff. so i'm guessing with your houseful it's even more draining. i have to go fish penny out from under the bed to spray her again...
i wouldn't say fickle, but wishing for some regularity - like we used to have - tuesday, i'll do this, wednesday, i'll do that or be up for whatever happens...now we can't guess a day ahead. and when we feel good, we still have the desire to do more... just how i feel.

I don't think so, at all. Employment outside of the home has it's perks because it challenges you and forces you outside of your comfort zone. There is the element of struggle and surprise that is intriguing. Too much of it and those of us who are in it too deep and we want what you have, if only for a month. There seems to be no midwy points in life. You make your bed and you lie in it.

But, you have a business in soaps, don't you? And you are always busy doing something challenging. I know senior centres here are bustling with intelligent people who now want to learn how to do what you do and they certainly aren't old like they used to be.

Keep your ideas open, who know what door may swing open for you.

I know I couldn't handle much, I think maybe like serenity, a daily goal...routine.
Even making soap is a challenge sometimes....most times. I either don't have the energy thanks to this CFS and Fibro or I'm hurting too much:(
Daily chores get so monotonous and mundane! And so useless at times when the kids mess things up as quickly as you clean it up:(
I think sometimes it's really fear that has me so down. Knowing my back is getting worse....it's kinda like knowing my days, even as I know them, are just going to get worse:(
Grrrrrrrrr, what a cry baby I am today!

enigma, i did work thru pain for a long time. my lunch or any breaks, when i got them were on the floor of my office with my legs raised on my chair, then cancer, chemo and more surgery...i was able to work in per diem counseling before chemo, then had enough computer skills to work with start-up businesses, but now i can't even know if i can get to church on sunday or get a free lunch, both of which i really want to do.
don't mean to be debbie downer, but i love helping people and the work i used to do...

i'm trying to see if i can get an aide on insurance or pay for help b/c i have a number of hobbies for profit (minor) that i'm too exhausted to get to...i really struggle with myself about whether that's an excuse or a reason. if the place is messy i literally have no room to work.

i truly admire that you get out there and manage all you do. i've put out ads to do calligraphy since christmas and to wedding planners and a few other things i can do in my good time. i even catered in NYC and got help and directed when i needed. i miss that. i hope to find a way again.

sorry, long answer, but this weighs on my mind all the time.

aaahh..Dix sorry you're going through this. It's soo frustrating. I have soo many days I just cry like a baby trying to get ready for work and when I get there I can't move much and wish I could be resting in my bed, but then I think of the years I did lay in my bed and I force myself to tough it out.

Not saying you can do that. I know I couldn't do that if it weren't for my chiro.

How about doing research and writing magazine articles. They're not too long and maybe you could help others out there who are suffering and don't know as much as we do.

I would love to do that sis if I could break into the business. Maybe I WILL GIVE IT A SHOR.... Nothing else to do anyway

When I retired from work I volunteered in church office answering phone and working on schedules and such.
I worked with the VBS program and chaired a fellowship board. These were things I enjoyed and could use my organizational skills. It gave me purpose. No pay but still it kept me busy. Then I just started having to many health problems.

I really don't miss the work world any longer. I would like to volunteer more and feel useless sometime but just don't feel I can commit.

I do understand your desire to work Dixie.

I understand exactly where you are coming from Dix. When I was working I was the captain of getting the most overtime! I would work until I literally couldn't go anymore. And I would love to go back to work, not to that extent, but maybe something part time. But then I have to be realistic, I can't sit with my legs down or my feet/ankles swell. I can't stand for more than 10 minutes or my legs and back give out. Just doing a simple task like laundry for me is very daunting. I am hoping that going through this round of pt will give me a smidgen of life back. I would love to be a photographer, but right now am in too much pain to even hold a camera, let alone do a three hour photo shoot. But maybe one day I will be able to do it. Just not right now. I would volunteer somewhere if I knew I could handle it. But I never know what tomorrow is going to be like, how much sleep I am going to get or any of those things for that matter.

I am learning to live in the now and accept what I have right now to offer, and it sure isn't much. Heck, Im lucky if i make my bed in the morning. But I do understand your desire to go back to work. I wish I could go back to school to finish my photography degree. It's a goal for me know. Something to work towards. But i know I will never be able to handle work in the same way again!!

Gentle hugs,
Jenna

I spent five years going to college, the first person in my family to graduate. I was a single mom the whole time and I worked the whole time. I am a social worker by trade.

I landed a great job here in Oregon and moved here, restarting my life after a 4 year relationship (1 year of marriage) ended. My whole world was gone, literally, and I reclaimed my life again here.

I was promoted each year, one of the fastest moves to management ever. I was really good at my job. I loved my job! I loved what I did and I loved many of the people I worked with. I was going to retire from the State of Oregon and I had my eyes set on level one management (the ultimate boss) within the next 24 months.

Then, my daughter became ill and I started to have to take a lot of time off of work. Then, while dealing with her illness...my physical wellness tanked for good. After one year of trying to hold my life together and keep my pain in control and be to work... I had to give it up.

YES, I absolutely wish I was still working! I miss my paycheck, I miss my social life. I miss feeling like I was contributing to the greater picture each day. I miss having that sucess in my day---even the worst days were good in the end.

Now, at only 38, I have no life. I am so glad that I am able to be there for my children and, especially my daughter. However, I am sad that my total identity is wrapped up in my being a "mom". I miss having "my own".

What I try and remember each day is that I am sooooo very lucky that things worked out for me the way that they did. I was able to leave my job and not be homeless; I received my disability in less than a year--pretty unusual and, I had health insurance enough to purchase my scooter and take take care of all the needs before I left my employment.

I know the feeling,
I work at home for one of my husbands business, Construction and it is SLOW!
So i go to the gym, spent time with my grandson and daughter (live next door) and then wonder the house looking for a hobby!
Love to cook, too hot and done need the calories. Made jewelry, have too much, golf, knee still healing and dr said not till Sept.
So I wonder.