Hi Luvyourself;

Why should this be so hard? All their lives we have looked forward to the day they are grown and had become the capable people we had always hoped they would be. So, why are we so undone? Didn't we tell ourselves we were looking forward to more time to do more of the things we loved to do and never seemed to have time?

So, what happened?

I am not normally a depressed person, but this has me beaten!

Julianna

I dont know why this is so hard, well actually I do. I'm like you I thought that we would always be connected at the hip but then they had to go and get their own lives, how dare them. :)) I just keep telling my self that now it is time for me and my husband to have time to rekindle our relationship. O and by the way I called my daughter last night to see if she and her husband wanted to go out and eat well they had other plans. So I called back this afternoon to see if they wanted to go tonight and my son in law wants to watch the basketball game so they said we would have to go where there is a TV and I said where I wanted to go does not have a TV and I wasnt going if all he was going to do is watch TV. So any way my feelings get hurt when stuff like this happens but there is nothing I can do about it and that is hard. They were a BIG part of my life for a long time. I guess we just have to realize that they are grown up and flown away so now it is our time to get our life back. I will help you if you will help me. xoxo

Hi luvyourself and JuliannaToo
Thank you for finally helping me see that I am not alone! So many people tell me I should be happy that my children are off on their own and doing well (and I am) but I still have such intense feelings of loss for myself. Many do not understand and I know it is my battle to fight. I am sorry that you also have the same battle because I know how hard it is day to day! It is dificult to figure out how to reinvent a life when raising children was so much fun and so rewarding.

Thats for sure. I never realized letting go would be so hard. We had so much fun with our kids when they were home. We have always been a close family. I am so glad to get to know you all and know I am not alone. That is a big help within itself.

All of what you are saying sounds too familier, and it feels painful just listening to you tell it! There are times when I am so hurt that I wonder why I had ever made all those sacrifices involved in having and raising them!

Like you I have noticed that they can be very touchy, and need to have things just so before they will agree to spend time with you. Do you notice that you always pick up the check when you go to lunch or dinner?

I have little soul searches with myself. Try to remember how often I had gone out of my way to see my parents when I was young and first married. And I also ask myself how often I take the time to call my 90 year old dad, or make the effort to stop and see him. But I am not interested in how things actually are. I am only interested in how hurt I feel.

What does your husband say about all this? Does he think you are over-reacting? Does he feel as hurt as you are? Or just he just watch TV and refuse to talk about the whole thing?

Julianns

My husband thinks I am over-reacting. He doesn't really under stand at all. He listens but doesn't understand and I get so frustrated. My thought on the matter is that the age our kids are at , at the moment, they are trying to find their way in the world. They are starting new careers , learning how to live with other people etc etc. So some times I have to remind my self that that is what we raised them to do is be successful adults so our job is done. When we start feeling down about it we need to reverse our thinking and remember that we have a life just like they do. Its time to worry about no one but ourselves and let them worry about their life. Trust me I know its hard but there is nothing we can do too change it so we have to move on. I am now looking forward to having grandchildren and getting to enjoy them and when I am ready I can send them home. hehe. It will be ok ....

I read this discussioon this morning! i have to say AMEN to 'IT's time we learn how to get our lives back! LOL ;)