wishing you all the happiness you can find

Thank you explorer. I think there is more happiness around us than we know. It is so hard to see that when we are sad.

I am just so glad that I reached out to my nephew today - and he was so delighted to hear from me. That is so healing after the rejection I felt from my son. He's such a good man.

I am so happy for you, LJ....Despite walking away I still miss the familiarity of a relationship with my son. Maybe you have felt that way too... Like you, I have 2 cousins who are about the same ages as my children and we have become closer since the estrangement began. The relationship I have with them is somehow filling a cavity within me that was empty.
I have been so very sad recently and it seems to come in waves....Your postings have been very encouraging and lifted me out of a dark place....
B

You know what ... it is the difference of being around people who are really FOR YOU .... It just feels good to connect with those who are truely ON YOUR TEAM ...
Great post ... love good news!

Linda.. So happy for you that you are reaching out, reconnecting and finding people in your life that love and respect you! You truly are well on your way to "normal" again!

When we get hurt to the degree that we all have been hurt, it's just human nature to build walls and close ourselves off to protect ourselves from more hurt. Problem is that with those fortress walls, neither the bad... or the good can get thru. Doing this is necessary... for a time... for our wounds to heal but there comes a time when you MUST let those walls down so you can experience the good again.

Yes, it's a risk, but you eventually realize that you, and you alone, are keeping the good from entering your life. Once you realize that you are wiser now and aware of the lessons of the past, this gives you more control in your life. More power to choose which people you let thru the gate and how you will let them treat you.

There are good people out there. There are more jerks too. Life is a risk but we are all smarter and stronger now. Happiness is just outside the gate. All we have to do is unlock it.

I am living proof that EO are not necessary to have in your life to make you happy. There are billions of willing and loving ppl just waiting to be in your life (you have to look for them and be open to the fact that they are not blood related).
I have traded up in my life and I am much happier with those great ppl!!!

You know something? You guys are so wise.....

brokenmimi - I can't tell you how much it lifts my heart for you to tell me that I have helped lift you out of some of the dark places you have encountered in your estrangement. I know those dark places so well - and climbing out of them is a major struggle - if I can lend a hand - that is so gratifying for me.

difficulttime - you are so right - you can feel the exchange when you communicate with people who are on your team - and actually all I need from people is not to be on the opposite team - not to be working against me - and I'm happy. But when someone is actually on my team - I'm thrilled - that really lifts me up.

Barb - you are so wise. About those walls - they had gotten sky high and I felt that horrible emptiness that results from keeping everyone out. We all need people who are reciprocal - they care right back and letting people back in is feeling like a life-saver right now. What do you know - not all people, my son's age, are losers who do nothing but take.

MsB - I love your outspokenness. You are so right - our happiness certainly does not rely on our EO's - if it did - well just think how suicidal we'd be. Finding loving people who reciprocate feels SO good - I didn't really know what I was missing until I started filling that hole up again. Being careful about who I let in is really important - but letting people in really does matter. "Trading up" - is a perfect description.

Thanks so much you guys.

Great post LJ!! I have a niece I have become close to in the last couple of years, I never would have expected it from this niece. She was going through a rough time with back surgeries and I helped in getting her around until she could drive again. I thought maybe after she was better she would forget about me but she calls & we meet for lunch ocassionally. She was here over the weekend to help me celebrate my birthday, ED was here also, they are a year apart and never really got along that great. I think ED is annoyed with my relationship with this niece. Sorry about that....it is not like ED ever bothers to call and ask if I want to meet for lunch or anything else for that matter.

Good for you!! I agree your post is very uplifting and I like you look forward to having those chats!!

Thanks rebooting - your responses and posts seem to always be full of energy and looking forward - they too provide a lot of hope to those who don't quite know where to turn.

How cool is that - that your niece actually appreciates what you did for her? What do you know - we are not throw-aways to everyone. There really are people who want us in their lives. And of course that annoys your ED - it's the EC's job to make us feel rejected, imo. People who care about us really mess with their plans..... :)

I think the reason I was surprised that I got a good reception from my nephew is that I bought into what I was being told by the rejection from my son -which was that I was not lovable. Ha!! Not so.

What great news, LJ! I wish you much happiness with your loving niece and nephew!

Thanks LJ, I have come a looooong way in just a couple of years. It is sad that our own kiddos can not get past their hang-ups, but we cannot be expected to just wait for them to come to their senses...kudos for enjoying this life we have!!!

rebooting - your ED's jealousy re your niece's relationship with you, reminded me of my son's jealousy over my volunteering with latchkey kids at an after school program. When I finally quit because of timing conflicts - he said "it's about time you got out of here" in an exasperated tone. Charming - eh?

And thank you peaceful for the well wishes.