The Den Community Group
Pull up a chair and put your feet up. Lie down if necessary! :)
I wrote this on PWWA several days ago to thank all the members of the group for their support and acceptance of my situation with kindness and understanding. I have since realized that some former members of PWWA are not there anymore and yet their strength and wisdom were crucial for me to get the insight of estrangement issues.
So I will repeat the post here to use this opportunity to say personal thanks to people whom I fist met on PWWA and who are here now.
It has been a year since I joined the group and I can't thank enough all of you for all the support and knowledge. I learned and understood so much about estrangement in general and our situation in particular. It also gave me an invaluable bonus - understanding so many other things in life I have never thought about.
I came here a year ago after dealing with the estrangement from our only son for a year on my own. To be more precise I was living estrangement, but not dealing with it. I was bewildered, thought that it never happens to other people and could not understand how can our son who only brought joy and satisfaction in my life change so dramatically, that he could not understand right from wrong any more. For me estrangement happened by my own choice as the only escape way to prevent my health deterioration to the point of no return. I could not tolerate any interaction with our son with fake everything, lies and condescending attitude. It was physically destroying me. So I asked to stop any communications until he understands the wrongs he did and took responsibility for it. As in other posts after more than 2 years he still does not understand and get what " was so horrible?"
I am glad I was spared all eggshell dances. I never could do it with other people and even more so was not prepared to do it with the person I enjoyed years of good, close and evolving relationship with. I just do not see a point. I will never try to be with anyone who does not want me with all their heart in their life. I was never interested in that and more so as years go by. Waste of time and energy and soul. It was however unbearably painful.
The group helped me in my most difficult times. After a year of distracting myself with very demanding projects, I was ready to face all emotional issues and work through them. I am completely at peace with myself, I am calm and can discuss estrangement without falling to pieces. I wish all the best in life to our son, I did all the explaining I had to do, his life is his responsibility. I am sure if he truly wants us in his life, he will be able to make an effort and achieve it. He destroyed what we had and it is up to him to create something new if interested. I love my son and feel sorry for him. Such a waste of all the good things we could share.
We are stiil the same people, active and interested in life and all it brings. Even with all my health limitations I am very happy and truly grateful for all the opportunities In life I had and still have. Life is good and interesting and I am still discovering and rediscovering new and not so new wonderful things. I enjoyed being a mother very much, it was most significant responsibility I took seriously. But it is not everything I was and am.
Maybe I am too pragmatic and too positive, but it's me and I am glad I am. It worked for me.
Thank you everyone, you can't know how your being here helped me to find my way to cope and bring me back to my normal self.
Kutani
So I will repeat the post here to use this opportunity to say personal thanks to people whom I fist met on PWWA and who are here now.
It has been a year since I joined the group and I can't thank enough all of you for all the support and knowledge. I learned and understood so much about estrangement in general and our situation in particular. It also gave me an invaluable bonus - understanding so many other things in life I have never thought about.
I came here a year ago after dealing with the estrangement from our only son for a year on my own. To be more precise I was living estrangement, but not dealing with it. I was bewildered, thought that it never happens to other people and could not understand how can our son who only brought joy and satisfaction in my life change so dramatically, that he could not understand right from wrong any more. For me estrangement happened by my own choice as the only escape way to prevent my health deterioration to the point of no return. I could not tolerate any interaction with our son with fake everything, lies and condescending attitude. It was physically destroying me. So I asked to stop any communications until he understands the wrongs he did and took responsibility for it. As in other posts after more than 2 years he still does not understand and get what " was so horrible?"
I am glad I was spared all eggshell dances. I never could do it with other people and even more so was not prepared to do it with the person I enjoyed years of good, close and evolving relationship with. I just do not see a point. I will never try to be with anyone who does not want me with all their heart in their life. I was never interested in that and more so as years go by. Waste of time and energy and soul. It was however unbearably painful.
The group helped me in my most difficult times. After a year of distracting myself with very demanding projects, I was ready to face all emotional issues and work through them. I am completely at peace with myself, I am calm and can discuss estrangement without falling to pieces. I wish all the best in life to our son, I did all the explaining I had to do, his life is his responsibility. I am sure if he truly wants us in his life, he will be able to make an effort and achieve it. He destroyed what we had and it is up to him to create something new if interested. I love my son and feel sorry for him. Such a waste of all the good things we could share.
We are stiil the same people, active and interested in life and all it brings. Even with all my health limitations I am very happy and truly grateful for all the opportunities In life I had and still have. Life is good and interesting and I am still discovering and rediscovering new and not so new wonderful things. I enjoyed being a mother very much, it was most significant responsibility I took seriously. But it is not everything I was and am.
Maybe I am too pragmatic and too positive, but it's me and I am glad I am. It worked for me.
Thank you everyone, you can't know how your being here helped me to find my way to cope and bring me back to my normal self.
Kutani
Like You, most of us will always be grateful or PEACE and PWWA, and you will find many former members here in the Bears Den. I am still members there also, but rarely visit anymore. The discussions there would be a step back on the upward climb for me. It wasn't easy to walk away from so many good people who hurt so badly, but it was the right move for me. That doesn't mean I will ever forget the kindness and understanding, or all the support I found there....I will always, always be grateful to have found a safe place to begin again.
I hope you will join us often! Every voice here is important and respected and yours is a welcome addition.
HUGS and PEACE......:)
I always look forward to your rare and treasured posts with great anticipation. You never disappoint with your wisdom and depth of feeling for where we live. Thank you!
PPB