The Den Community Group
Pull up a chair and put your feet up. Lie down if necessary! :)
I have pretty much accepted the idea that none of my grown children can ever be in my life again (I have 3....girl, boy, girl). I got tired of the abuse and gave them plenty of chances to make it right.....without success.
I have this one client/friend who also has an estranged adult daughter. However, she remarried and had another daughter who is now college age.....very loving....kind......immature, but level headed for the most part. It was my clients birthday yesterday and her husband threw her a surprise birthday party.
Of course I went. I do not know many of her friends so mostly sat making small chit chat.
My friends husband had his laptop opened and since I was practically sitting in front of it......he told me he wanted to show me something. He is VERY aware that all my kids are estranged, but he is an ass, but I NEVER expected him to pull what he did.
He just HAD to show me two posts from her facebook about what loving parents she has. It was all gushy about how lucky she was to have good and loving parents who she always will treasure....and so on and so forth.
He was pretty much shoving my nose in it and then went on and on about "how did they get so lucky?" "What did they do right?"
What I really wanted to do was take the laptop and hit him across the face for being so insensitive.....and especially that he just kept going on and on.
I told him that was really hard to see him gloating, but he just laughed it off. I got up and left.
I felt like the bandage of my heart was totally ripped off and thrown in my face.
I feel better today and pardon me for thinking such a horrible thought.....but I hoped he will have his heart ripped out and handed to him on a paper plate!!!! (I know, I know......I'm going to hell....but he is making it worth the trip). I really don't believe in hell.....it's a shame, cuz that sure would come in handy in cases like that!
Ok....thnx for letting me vent.
I'm not gonna let it ruin the hard work I have done in piecing my life back together. It's such a shame that some ppl don't have any common sense and are insensitive to others!
I have this one client/friend who also has an estranged adult daughter. However, she remarried and had another daughter who is now college age.....very loving....kind......immature, but level headed for the most part. It was my clients birthday yesterday and her husband threw her a surprise birthday party.
Of course I went. I do not know many of her friends so mostly sat making small chit chat.
My friends husband had his laptop opened and since I was practically sitting in front of it......he told me he wanted to show me something. He is VERY aware that all my kids are estranged, but he is an ass, but I NEVER expected him to pull what he did.
He just HAD to show me two posts from her facebook about what loving parents she has. It was all gushy about how lucky she was to have good and loving parents who she always will treasure....and so on and so forth.
He was pretty much shoving my nose in it and then went on and on about "how did they get so lucky?" "What did they do right?"
What I really wanted to do was take the laptop and hit him across the face for being so insensitive.....and especially that he just kept going on and on.
I told him that was really hard to see him gloating, but he just laughed it off. I got up and left.
I felt like the bandage of my heart was totally ripped off and thrown in my face.
I feel better today and pardon me for thinking such a horrible thought.....but I hoped he will have his heart ripped out and handed to him on a paper plate!!!! (I know, I know......I'm going to hell....but he is making it worth the trip). I really don't believe in hell.....it's a shame, cuz that sure would come in handy in cases like that!
Ok....thnx for letting me vent.
I'm not gonna let it ruin the hard work I have done in piecing my life back together. It's such a shame that some ppl don't have any common sense and are insensitive to others!
Isn't it amazing how easily the bandage can be ripped off?
But - I believe we all keep that bandage in place so we can piece our life back together and carry on. It's how we manage and cope. Do we have any other choice? Nope!!!!!!!!!!!! Just goes to show that we loved, we did the right thing, and we still have a heart...such a contrast with our Estranged Ones, maybe their heart has now been replaced with a smart phone? Must be, because smart phone-like devices seem to have the hearts of all 20-, 30- and 40-somethings!
It's definitely what it is. And we are what and who we are. Just wonder how this insensitive dad would cope if his sweet Facebook daughter took a turn for the worse? Hmm....
Carry on...
The boy down the street's father's name is Joe. Well my son and his son were friends for the first half of kindergarten year...before it got ugly.
One day it just happened to be the two of us at the bus stop waiting. And Joe decides to go on and on about just how happy his son is Growing and Developing.
I've never, ever, ever wished anyone to hell before. Well I wished Joe there that day. It was TOTALLY in my face rubbing it in.
(Many years after, the kids became friends again, but have now drifted apart, although they'll still talk and are friendly. I've forgiven Joe...but never forgotten. His wife has Lupus, and the friend my son played with has seizures and often has migraine headaches. Another son has respiratory issues. So his life has it's issues.)
I look at my kids and often wonder just what makes a relationship. What makes it good between them and me. And I wonder if it always will be...
If only we were given crystal balls when first handed our kids...then we'd know just what to do, and what mistakes not to make.
Toxoplasmosis is really interesting. It's the virus that causes doctors to tell pregnant moms not to change the cat litter. Anyway, testing positive for exposure is related to increased reckless behavior (specifically motorcycle crash deaths).
When people wonder "what went wrong", I wonder about if a combination of those things didn't smack some kids down. Nothing the parents did, nothing even that the kids did. Horribly bad luck. One in 40 kids has high lead NOW...just think how many more back 20-30 year ago...
I've been lately working through some of the stuff that I grew up with. But I remember that my mom had NO internet, no support groups, no one to reach out to. And her own mother was less than supportive.
People forget that women only got the VOTE in 1920.
My son does have a facebook page, but he posts nothing like that. He just keeps up with some video game events.
The sad thing about Facebook is this. Great that the daughter posts such a message. But that doesn't mean that she ever comes to visit, or calls, shares a meal, or talks to them. Just that she's complicit in stoking their ego, and probably expecting them to stoke her's right back...got to get those LIKES in!
It's like the old B&D board. I never could keep up with the drama. I got to be sort of friends with Mike (ahha) and went to visit him down in Baltimore. So we're walking around this museum and he's got his cell phone open and he's reading all of the text's going back and forth about what's being posted online... I found it completely utterly bizarre, as they posted to each other's threads and buried threads of people that didn't play into their game.
That's Facebook. A real live interactive video game. Where you score points for friends, posted picks, likes, etc and get bonus points for blocking other people, and try not to have it happen with you. And well, if you get a video to go viral...you could end up on Good Morning America or something...
I remember the ending of War Games...when the computer figured out that the only way to "win" was not to play...
Could they all email me updates/photos on a regular basis about what's going on? Well, sure they could, but they probably won't. Facebook is that one place where they can post a picture of my great niece at her birthday party or at the park, and all of their friends/family can see it. I like that. Do we chat on the phone? We do, some. But folks are busy, and then days/weeks go by when you are meaning to make that call.
Facebook is what you make of it.
I also LOVE the political groups on Facebook. They are informative, funny, and very current.
Just don't 'friend' too many on Facebook or you could be stuck reading their stuff that's really not of interest. You can block their posts, without unfriending them, and that works.
I don't brag on Facebook, and neither do my friends/family. Many don't post interesting stuff for weeks or months. But when their post appears, I'm happy to read what occurred in their life.
What we're like when we're at the top.
And what we're like when we're at the bottom.
Mystic, your family sounds fantastic. I'd argue that those normal events of life...ARE being at the top. Posting without being boastful...awesome.
I'm hearing that HS moms are reluctant to even let their kids play football because of the brain injury stuff. So scary. I've never been a fan of football but dang, this is awful stuff!
Then we wonder why the kids are failing school, can't learn, and are hitting their girlfriends??
Altho....none of my kids played football.......so perhaps they have a brain injury from something else?
Well MsBlank, estranging because of brain injury is one excuse. It's actually a better excuse than - nothing! Most of us don't even get a good reason to understand.
My ES never played football either. Must be that pesky influence from his narcissistic wife...isn't that sorta like a brain injury :)