The Coffee Shop Community Group
ARE YOU TIRED? TIRED OF BEING SICK? Then come and join us at the Coffee Shop. A place to hang out and forget about everything. Have a seat and grab a cup of coffee, tea, or water....and lets have a chat! *NOTE* Coffee Shop is not responsible for peeing yourself. Thank you....Dee
This is one of the best I have heard in a long time!!!!!!!!!One day an old lady went to the doctors because she had an itch in her crotch.She told the doctor her problem and he said,
"You have the crabs".
She informed the doctor that it could not be the crabs because she was an eighty year old virgin. She went to another doctor and explained her problem to him. The doctor said, "You probably have the crabs""No" she said, "I am an eighty year old virgin."
Frustrated, she went to a third doctor.
She said, "Doctor can you help me? I have an itch in my crotch.
Don't tell me that it is the crabs because I am an eighty year old virgin. It can not be the crabs."
The doctor said, Jump on the table and let's have a look." "After examining, the doctor proclaimed,
"Ma'am, your right, you do not have the crabs.
This cherry is sooooo old, you have fruit flies."
"You have the crabs".
She informed the doctor that it could not be the crabs because she was an eighty year old virgin. She went to another doctor and explained her problem to him. The doctor said, "You probably have the crabs""No" she said, "I am an eighty year old virgin."
Frustrated, she went to a third doctor.
She said, "Doctor can you help me? I have an itch in my crotch.
Don't tell me that it is the crabs because I am an eighty year old virgin. It can not be the crabs."
The doctor said, Jump on the table and let's have a look." "After examining, the doctor proclaimed,
"Ma'am, your right, you do not have the crabs.
This cherry is sooooo old, you have fruit flies."
>> Decides to go out golfing.
>> He is on the second hole when he
>> Notices a frog sitting next to
>> The green.
>> He thinks nothing of it and is
>>
>> about to shoot when he
>>
>> hears, Ribbit 9 Iron."
>>
>> The man looks around and doesn't
>>
>> see anyone. Again, he
>> hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron." He looks
>> at the frog and decides to
>>
>> prove the frog wrong, puts the
>> club away, and grabs a 9 iron.
>>
>> Boom!
>> He hits it 10 inches from the
>>
>> cup. He is shocked. He says
>> to the frog, "Wow that's amazing.
>>
>> You must be a lucky frog, eh?
>>
>> The frog replies, "Ribbit Lucky frog."
>> The man decides to take the frog
>> with him to the next hole.
>>
>> "What do you think frog?" the
>>
>> man asks. "Ribbit 3 wood."
>>
>> The guy takes out a 3 wood and,
>> Boom! Hole in one. The
>>
>> man is befuddled and doesn't know
>>
>> what to say. By the end
>>
>> of the day, the man golfed the
>>
>> best game of golf in his life and
>> asks the frog, "OK where to next?"
>> The frog replies, "Ribbit Las Vegas.
>>
>>
>> " They go to Las Vegas
>> and the guy says, "OK frog, now
>> what?" The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette." Upon
>> approaching the roulette table, The man
>>
>> asks, "What do you think I should
>> bet?" The frog replies, "Ribbit
>> $3000, black 6."
>>
>> Now, this is a
>> million-to-one shot to win, but
>> after the golf game the man
>>
>> figures what the heck.
>>
>> Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table.
>>
>> The man takes his winnings and
>> buys the best room in the
>> hotel. He sits the frog down and
>> says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you.
>> You've won me all this money and
>> I am forever grateful."
>>
>> The frog replies,
>>
>> "Ribbit KissMe."
>> He figures why not,
>>
>> since after all the frog did for
>> him, he deserves it. With a
>> kiss, the frog turns into a
>> gorgeous 15-year-old girl. "And that,
>>
>> your honor, is how the girl
>>
>> ended up in my room. So help me God
>>
>>
>> or my name is not William Jefferson Clinton."
The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex This kind of
Sex happens
When you first meet someone and you both have sex
Until you are blue in
The face.
The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. This is
When you have
Been with your partner for a short time and you are so
Horny you will
Have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.
The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. This is
When you have
Been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has
Gotten routine and
You usually have sex only in your bedroom.
The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex. This is
When you have
Been with your partner for too long. When you pass
Each other in the
Hallway you both say "screw you."
The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex, which
Means you get
Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at
Night.
The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex. This is when you
Cannot
Stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and
Screws you in front
Of everyone
And last, but not least, the 7th kind of sex is
Called: Social
Security Sex. You get a little each month.
But not enough to live on
'THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR'
The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and said, 'He mated 50 times last year.'
They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said,
''THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR'
The wife gave her husband a healthy jab and said, 'That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him.'
They walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters, 'THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR'
The wife, so excited that her elbow nearly broke her husband's ribs, said,'That's once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one
The husband looked at her and said, 'Go over and ask him if it was with the same cow.'
The husband's condition has been upgraded from critical to stable and he should eventually make a full recovery.
Here is a chicken recipe that also includes the use of popcorn as
a
stuffing -- imagine that.. When I found this recipe, I thought it
was
perfect for people like me, who just are not sure how to tell when
poultry is thoroughly cooked, but not dried out. Give this a try.
4 - 5 lb. Chicken
1 cup melted butter
1 cup stuffing (Pepperidge Farm is Good.)
1 cup uncooked popcorn (ORVILLE REDENBACHER'S LOW FAT) Salt/pepper
to
taste
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Brush chicken well with melted butter
salt,
and pepper. Fill cavity with stuffing and popcorn. Place in baking
pan
with the neck end toward the back of the oven.
Listen for the popping sounds. When the chicken's ass blows the
oven
door open and the chicken flies across the room, it's done.
And, you thought I couldn't cook...
Barbara Walters was doing a commentary on â??The customs of the American Indianâ??.
After a tour of the reservation which she was on, she wondered why the difference in the number of feathers in their head-dress.
She asked a brave who had but one feather in his head-dress and his reply was â??Me have only one squaw. So me have only one featherâ??.
Feeling that he was merely joking with her, Ms Walters decided to press the issue a little further and asked a brave who had four feathers on his head-dress, he likewise answered, â??UGH, me have four feathers because me sleep with four squawsâ??.
Still not convinced that this was the real reason, Ms Walters decided to talk to the Chief who had a head full of feathers. She went to him and asked: Chief tell me â??Why do you have so many feathers in your head-dress?â??. The Chief pounded his chest and proudly said, â??UGH, me Chief. Me F**k-um all, big, small, fat, tall, Me F**k-um allâ??.
Horrified, Ms. Walters stated, â??You ought to be hung:â??
Chief angrily replied, â??You god dam right, me hung. Like F**king buffaloâ??.
Ms. Walters cried, â??You donâ??t have to get so dam hostile!â??
Chief replied, â??Hoss style, Dog style, Hog style, Wolf style, any style, Me F**k-um
allâ??.
Tears in her eyes, she cried, â??Oh Dear:â??
â??No: said Chief. Me F**k no deer â?? Asshole to high and F**kers run to Fastâ??.