The Coffee Shop Community Group
ARE YOU TIRED? TIRED OF BEING SICK? Then come and join us at the Coffee Shop. A place to hang out and forget about everything. Have a seat and grab a cup of coffee, tea, or water....and lets have a chat! *NOTE* Coffee Shop is not responsible for peeing yourself. Thank you....Dee
Only restarting because the pages of the first one are getting so long... Enjoy!
I became confused when I heard these terms which reference the word 'service'.
Internal Revenue 'Service'
U.S. Postal 'Service'
Telephone 'Service'
T.V. 'Service'
Civil 'Service'
City & County Public 'Service'
Customer 'Service'
This is not what I thought 'service' meant. But today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to 'service' a few cows. BAM!!! It all came into perspective. I now understand what all those 'service' agencies are doing to us.
I hope you are as enlightened as I am.
I became confused when I heard these terms which reference the word 'service'.
Internal Revenue 'Service'
U.S. Postal 'Service'
Telephone 'Service'
T.V. 'Service'
Civil 'Service'
City & County Public 'Service'
Customer 'Service'
This is not what I thought 'service' meant. But today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to 'service' a few cows. BAM!!! It all came into perspective. I now understand what all those 'service' agencies are doing to us.
I hope you are as enlightened as I am.
Cup of Tea
One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me.
I was maybe 2 1/2 years old and had just recovered from an accident.
Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys.
Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home.
My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!' My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up.
Then she says, (as only a mother would know... :)
'Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?
Following the problems in the sub-prime lending market in America and the run on Northern Rock in the UK, uncertainty has now hit Japan.
In the last 7 days Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.
Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song while today shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived.
While Samurai Bank are soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja Bank are reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black.
Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal
OPEC nations buy U.S. grain at $7.00 a bushel.
Solution: Sell grain for $135.00 a bushel.
Can't buy it...Tough...Eat your d--n oil
Only in America ......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of
the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in America ......do people order
double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
Only in America ......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in America ......do we leave cars
worth thousands of dollars in the
driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Only in America ......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
Only in America ......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
Only in America ......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
EVER WONDER ....
Why the sun lightens our hair,
but darkens our skin ?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when
they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe,
why do they call the airport the terminal?
As you may have heard, each of us will be getting a tax rebate check to stimulate the economy. If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China . If we spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs. If we purchase a computer it will go to India . If we purchase fruits and vegetables it will go to Mexico , Honduras , and Guatemala . If we purchase useless stuff it will go to Taiwan and none of it will help the American economy. We need to keep that money here in America . The only way to keep that money here at home is to spend it at yard sales, since those are the only businesses still in the US .
This collection of human body facts will leave you wondering why in the heck we were designed the way we were!
*Scientists say the higher your I.Q., the more you dream.
*The largest cell in the human body is the female egg.
*The smallest is the male sperm.
*You use 200 muscles to take one step.
*The average woman is 5 inches shorter than the average man.
*Your big toes have two bones each while the rest have three.
*A pair of human feet contain 250,000 sweat glands.
*A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball.
*The acid in your stomach is strong enough to dissolve razor blades.
*The human brain cell can hold 5 times as much information as the Encyclopedia Britannica.
*It takes the food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
*The average human dream lasts 2-3 seconds.
*Men without hair on their chests are more likely to get cirrhosis of the liver than men with hair.
*At the moment of conception, you spent about half an hour as a single cell.
*There is about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
*Your body gives off enough heat in 30 minutes to bring half of a gallon of water to a boil.
*The enamel in your teeth is the hardest substance in your body.
*Your teeth start growing 6 months before you are born.
*When you are looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate, and they do the same when you are looking at someone you hate.
*Your thumb is the same length of your nose.
*At this very moment I know full well you are putting this last fact to the test...now remove your thumb from your nose and pass this on to the friends you think might be interested in comparing their thumbs to their noses as well - I did.
For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, He paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child.
If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but asked how he would know when the! baby was born. To keep it discreet, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.
One day, about 9 months later, he came ho me to his confused wife. 'Honey,' she said, 'You received a very strange post card today.' 'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said. The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted. On the card was written: â??Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Three with meatballs, two without. Send extra sauce.â??
> hope for you.
>
> Two little boys in first grade were chosen to be the
> leads in their first school play. It was to be a
> Shakespearean play. The first little boy was
> to say, 'My fair maiden, I have come to snatch a
> kiss and fill your soul with hope.'
>
> The second little boy was to reply by saying,
> 'Hark, a pistol shot!'
>
> On opening night in the school auditorium, the two
> little boys were a bit nervous, knowing that all the seats
> were going to be filled with grown-ups. The teacher told
> them to take their places on the stage and to remember to
> speak very, very loud as soon as the curtain goes up. The
> curtain rose and looking out upon the audience the two boys
> were terrified. They stood there frozen. The teacher
> whispered for them to begin.
>
> Jacob yelled out these unforgettable words, 'My
> fair maiden, I have come to kiss your snatch! And fill your
> hole with soap.'
>
> Zachary screams out....'Hark! A shistol pot, a
> postle shiss, a pot of shit, horse shit, this is bull shit!
> I never wanted to be in this lousy play anyway!'
>
> The audience left howling!!!
> who was now living in the United States, and said:
> 'Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated,
> and I see the end of all flesh before me.
> Build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a
> few good
> humans.'
>
> He gave Noah the blueprints, saying:
> 'You have six months to build the Ark
> before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.'
>
>
> Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his
> yard -
> but no Ark.
> 'Noah!' He roared, 'I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?'
> 'Forgive me, Lord,' begged Noah, 'but things have changed.
>
>
> I needed a building permit.
>
>
> I've been arguing with the inspector
> about the need for a sprinkler system.
>
>
> My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws
> by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations.
> We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.
>
>
> Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted
> for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead
> obstructions,
> to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea.
> I told them that the sea would be coming to us,
> but they would hear nothing of it.
>
>
> Getting the wood was another problem.
> There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl.
> I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to
> save the
> owls -
> but no go!
>
> When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me.
> They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will.
> They argued the accommodations were too restrictive,
> and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined
> space.
>
> Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark
> until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your
> proposed flood.
>
> I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights
> Commission
> on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.
>
>
> Immigration and Naturalization are checking the green-card status
> of most of the people who want to work.
>
> �
> The trade unions say I can't use my sons.
> They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building
> experience.
>
>
> To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets,
> claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered
> species.
>
>
> So, forgive me, Lord,
> but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark.'
>
>
> Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine,
> �and a rainbow stretched across the sky.
>
>
> Noah looked up in wonder and asked,
> 'You mean you're not going to destroy the world?'
>
>
> 'No,' said the Lord.
> 'The government beat me to it.'