Courts, and are things
> people actually said in court, word for word, taken down
> and now published
> by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm
> while these exchanges
> were actually taking place.
>
> ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
> WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
> ____________________________________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the
> impact?
> WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
> ___________________ ___________________
> ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your
> memory at all?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
> WITNESS: I forget.
> ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of
> something you forgot?
> _____________________________________
> ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you
> that morning?
> WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
> ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
> WITNESS: My name is Susan!
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been
> involved in voodoo?
> WITNESS: We both do.
> ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
> WITNESS: We do.
> ATTORNEY: You do?
> WITNESS; Yes, voodoo.
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person
> dies in his sleep,
> he
> doesn't know about it until the next morning?
> WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
> ____________________________________
> ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is
> he?
> WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
> ________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
> WITNESS: Are you shi**in' me?
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was
> August 8th?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
> WITNESS: Uh.... I was gettin' laid!
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
> WITNESS: None..
> ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
> WITNESS: Are you shi**in' me? Your Honor, I think I
> need a different
> attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
> WITNESS: By death.
> ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
> WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
> WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
> ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
> WITNESS: Guess.
> _____________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to
> a deposition
> notice which I sent to your attorney?
> WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you
> performed on dead
> people?
> WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
> Would you like to
> rephrase that?
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school
> did you go to?
> WITNESS: Oral.
> ____________________________________ __
> ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the
> body?
> WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m..
> ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
> WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I
> was doing an
> autopsy on him!
> _________ ___________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
> WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
> ______________________________________
>
> And the best for last:
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
> check for a
> pulse?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was
> alive when you began
> the autopsy?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
> WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
> ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been
> alive , nevertheless?
> WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive
> and practicing
> law