First and Formosa you ARE doing all that you can do
Please ! Be gentle on your self

You are amazing

Love yea
Michael

If you are talking about this-Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s famous five stages — denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance — have been taught all over America and basically become part of our vernacular. In fact, in many ways these stages have been taken as gospel, as prescriptive phases that everyone goes through.

But would you be surprised to learn that this theory was based on interviews with terminally ill patients, not with people who lost a loved one? That it originally described how people deal with their own impending deaths? That Kübler-Ross’s theory has never been validated by one single study?

There has been a problem with everyone thinking grief is concrete in how we must feel. Living with a therapist that deals with some of the most harrowing experiences has taught me one thing.........we do not fit into any specific grief pattern. Each and everyone of us has our own emotional resiliences in how we deal with what is happening to us at a moment in time.

The clearest path to clarity is in understanding what is happening and how much control do we have in changing the course. When dealing with our own health, the well being of others and finality of what can happen it can become overwhelming. As Mother's we want to fix our children, protect our children and make everything work out but we do not have that control.

JC-you have every right to feel as you do and a third party would be helpful in your achieving clarity. A qualified grief therapist would be helpful and maybe your daughter should be involved.

No amount of watching butterflies, birds or flowers is going to help you in your search for peace. What I applaud you for is coming here and sharing your deepest feelings.....

Love.......and Hugs........big hugs.......
Joanne

That is Formost...

All that you do and have done is important
To your daughter and to your grandchild
Do not discount your contributions
They will be remembered, I remember

Of course your angry
Folks you Love got thrown a horse shit hand
Anger is ok, and Toni is wise
i and many care deeply
You are an amazing mother and contributer to the circle
Please be gentle on your self
You are carrying a heavy load
Don't forget yourself

Luv n Hugs
Michael

jc, i'm glad you expressed your feelings as they are. moonie referred to kubler ross' stage but you can go back and forth between those.

when you gave us the details about what happened to jaime i wanted to come after the guy and the hospital.
it's really rough to be in that place, but sometimes you just have to be. i don't know what comforts you but i hope you find it.

you're bringing it to the right place and i know many of us are here for you. honestly i can only imagine your pain and frustration, but you can throw it at me any time. xoxo

Thank you, J.
I didn't know if anyone would remember those circumstances.
And they are so hard to describe.

.. after the ICU, and rehab..
When Jaimies was home.. and all the facts had been put together..
I stood on the spot where you could still see the grass had been pulled up..
Where my daughter couldn't drag herself any further..
After HOURS of trying to.
Her ex.. who had left her there, paralyzed on her right side, and unable to speak..
Was in HER apartment..looking at pornography on her phone and her computer.
.. this was after she'd been to the ER, and they failed to admit her..
And allowed him to drag her out. ( she was able to walk the first time she went to the ER..
But, unable to speak)
The next morning.. after those HOURS on the ground..
When my son had to carry her into the ER..
They STILL tried to say they couldn't admit her without ID/SS number...

Sorry..
I think I have some kinda PTSD or something.
You'd think this anger would lessen over time..
But, it actually grow.

My daughter ws DXed with PTSD.. more from the above circumstqnce,
Than from the actual stroke.

Thanks for your support everyone.
I know this is all OT.

Luvnhugs
jc

Joanne..
You are so right that my mortality is a big part of this.
My biggest fear is that I will die and THEN Jaimies will have another stroke
From the anneurism she refused the craniotomy for.
I am the only one who would respect her limitations on medical care..
( of course..I want her to outlive me)

Sorry for all the typos..that's why I don't type much usually

Hugs

JC this isn't off topic you are part of this circle and here is where you bring it. All that you want and need to bring. It is heartbreaking and yes PTSD for you or something like as it plays over and over in your mind.
The low life that left your daughter on the ground and you reliving what your daughter went through.

Getting it out is a start. You have a right to be angry. I don't think this one is part of the grieving. It is just downright deserving of being angry. Wanting to scream why.....................................................................
You knowing the outcome could have been different . This anger is well deserved.

I wish I knew the answer of how to heal yourself and move forward.

love you dear friend
hippy

jc, i remember it all too well and i completely understand your anger and i'd be like a little spider monkey on his back if i could.
PTSD is very real and comes from traumatic events however they come so please vent all you need with no guilt.

JC my hat's off to you. you are an amazing woman. in order to heal i think one has to go through those five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance . they come and go and get all mixed up. ive been told it gets easier. youre doing everything right...your anger is warranted.

this is Exactly what needs to be on topic....Your Feelings.. thank you so much for opening up and for being here. PTSD is so draining of ones entire being. i hope something comforts you, and fast. such great replies.

The only way to get through anger is to muddle through it. Is it ok to suggest going through it with a licensed therapist? They are trained in helping people along those lines. There is no such thing as "OT" here. We, your group, love you and feel your tears. I wasn't a part of Jaimie and her ex but when I read what he'd done, I had a visceral reaction. Asshole, grrrrrhhhhhhh.

I don't know about you my friend but I used to hold everything inside and when I couldn't stuff any more, I would spontaneously combust. After that, I'd go back to stuffing everything. I found a better way to deal with my life but I had to use a psychologist to help. I'm so glad I did.

I don't know what else to say but I, like so many others, care for you and your well being. BTW, Serenity, setting loose a spider monkey in a small room with the ex. Brilliant. The only thing left of that asshat would be blood smears on the ground. In high school, Hal was on the wrestling team and the coach brought that damned monkey in to wrestle every guy. Hal says that monkey plowed through those 17-18 young men.

Hugs,

Dianna

((((JC))))),..... you have so much on your plate atm,.... sigh,... n, just wish,.. in some way, I, could help,
All of You,... through, the family's, current hurdles, n challenges,;. .. and,.. I, totally appreciate the feelings,..of hurt, an helplessness,... an anger, the frustration,..the feeling of hopelessness. sigh,.. during Your, Jaimies,. and precious,.. Eli's,... most challenging and testing times,, through till now,.and. through all the Growth.

You are an amazing, loving, and super supportive Mum,. Grandma, / Wife,.... and,.. Dang,...thats,.. all the whilst,... Your fighting, so hard for, and,. on,. your own health fronts.,..

Thankyou,.... for being an Angel,..
The stepping up,. when ,. You were needed the Most,. the Love , the Support,. that ,. only a ,Mum, a True G/Ma could give... All,... while battling, the, Daily Challenges of your own,....

Your an Inspiration JC,.. too,.. Ooooh,... So Many of people,... N,.... I am, so sorry for the curve balls that have been thrown towards You and the family ,.. Grumble,... silly curve balls,.. But,... You Sparkle,.. my Sweet Lady.

Hmmmm,.... we need the technology,.. for a ,... "Teleportta,.. Thingy'amee'jig" .... for travel (Hmm,.. Time??) ,.. for,.. , "chill out" ,... over a cuppa tea,.? coffee.?. n,.... Mmmmm,... Brownies,.. 8-)........... I,.. like Brownies...

I spin on the cycles ,....daily,.,.. battling with a lot of internal Eeeeeek's,. .. n,.. found / and, a / still,.. finding, .... in some form,,,,.... A Gratefulness,..Slowly,.. over the years... I am able,. and,. beginning,?? too, understand, the joys of the Full Cycle,. Things like anger,... it's all a part of the healing process, to address,. All while,. hoping to find, self peace, and hopefully,... find an enjoyment during this Moment,..

Awww ((((JC))) ,.. I, have No idea,... What, I have said,... nor,.. what,.. I,. am trying to say,..... but,.... You are a SuperMom,... and,... truly a,... Magical Friend..... N ,. Just Hopes ,for. a path ahead, to just bring Sparkles, Enjoyment for All,. through the togetherness,.. and Healing..

Love You. The Circle's,. Purple Slipper Wearer,.. n wishes are up,... for,.. All the Family... and ,.. Also for "The Circle" for the Awesomeness and a Trust n Ability ,. for sharing,... 8-) xoox0zzzzzq

JC letting out some of what is on your mind and how you feel right here in this circle of supportive peeps is a great start. I agree with a few people's suggestion around speaking to someone face to face who knows or has experienced some what a similar situation that you have had to go through and are still going through.

Honestly my brain cannot comprehend what has happened to your sweet daughter and what pain she suffered at the hands of that f@#%ing pathetic excuse for a person. If I could do it for you would press charges, go to court and throw his sorry ass in the worst prison possible. Sorry my anger probabLy does not help you.

You have given and continue to give so much for your daughter and Eli that no one could ask more of you. How you do this with your own issues going on is a mystery to me but you keep doing it. You are obviously thinking very hard and seriously about all the options and possibilities for Jaimie and Eli. Having that person face to face to sound Alll the thoughts and options out with or to may be reassuring for you or give you some piece of mind that you are thinking of everything and can be peace with your decisions. As they are not easy to make and sound heartbreaking.

I realise that everything I have said probably is of no help and I know I don't understand what you are feeling or having to manage every day but please know that I love you JC and your family. And I believe your courage to express your deepest thoughts and feelings to this group shows how much you respect the people of this group and the intended purpose of this group.

Xoxo

jc grieving for a child is si much different, its ok to have them you ave to let it off jc or your going to explode wish i was there i would cerenity let you cry on mine, you have the right to feel the way you do , besides it like someone dumped a truck load of grief on you , you do do your best joann said it well hugs my friend love ya min