The Circle Community Group
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... that's a line from a song that's been running through my head.
I didn't want to put this on the daily post..
'Cause.. well.. the check-in isn't about me.
..neither is this..solely about me.
I don't have any terminal DX's..
I just have a number of health " issues" that could become..very suddenly..
Quite serious. ( as do others here).
The Holidays ( and upcoming anniversary of when my pain crossed that line
into life altering.)..
Has me thinking about how I'll be remembered
IF I'll be remembered, in the cases of my youngest grandkids..
Given how little I care to be around anyone.
( OK..not nit wanting to be around them..
Not wanting them to see me in severe pain)
I know that.. before the Beast took over..
I probably would have been remembered as kind, funny, generous..
..I don't think anyone can see me in that light any more.
I was telling my husband last night that..
If I only have ten yrs left..
I'd trade them for just one
Of being able to be the Wife, Mom, Grandma, daughter,sister, friend best friend ( to my pets :-) ..
That I want people to remember.
And..
I JUST DON"T KNOW HOW
To get anything like that back.
EVERYTHING ends in pain.
I'm out of procedures..
Med increases..
.. ALL I'm looking for here..
Is that peculuar comfort that comes from
Someone being able to empathuze ( as opposed to sympathize)
..I'm sorry that I'm always the one talking about pain.
...I hope it makes it possible for other to feel more able to.
...I SO appreciate this soft place to land..
When the fall seems endless.
Lots of hugs to each and all.
BTW..
The question was..
How do you expect to be remembered..
And..how would you hope to be remembered?
HUGZZZZZZ
I didn't want to put this on the daily post..
'Cause.. well.. the check-in isn't about me.
..neither is this..solely about me.
I don't have any terminal DX's..
I just have a number of health " issues" that could become..very suddenly..
Quite serious. ( as do others here).
The Holidays ( and upcoming anniversary of when my pain crossed that line
into life altering.)..
Has me thinking about how I'll be remembered
IF I'll be remembered, in the cases of my youngest grandkids..
Given how little I care to be around anyone.
( OK..not nit wanting to be around them..
Not wanting them to see me in severe pain)
I know that.. before the Beast took over..
I probably would have been remembered as kind, funny, generous..
..I don't think anyone can see me in that light any more.
I was telling my husband last night that..
If I only have ten yrs left..
I'd trade them for just one
Of being able to be the Wife, Mom, Grandma, daughter,sister, friend best friend ( to my pets :-) ..
That I want people to remember.
And..
I JUST DON"T KNOW HOW
To get anything like that back.
EVERYTHING ends in pain.
I'm out of procedures..
Med increases..
.. ALL I'm looking for here..
Is that peculuar comfort that comes from
Someone being able to empathuze ( as opposed to sympathize)
..I'm sorry that I'm always the one talking about pain.
...I hope it makes it possible for other to feel more able to.
...I SO appreciate this soft place to land..
When the fall seems endless.
Lots of hugs to each and all.
BTW..
The question was..
How do you expect to be remembered..
And..how would you hope to be remembered?
HUGZZZZZZ
..hmm.. enthusiastic empathizing?
Or... yet another mistype? :-)
My granddaughter picked up my cane once, bent over, shaking while wobbling across the floor and said look at me I'm Meemaw. Sheesh thanks.
I chose to laugh at her, so she did too.
My anniversary was yesterday and I mourn for who I was. I was one that hiked, climbed rocks, went for long drives, managed a retail store, was silly, confident, the list goes on............
Now everyone has abandoned me, because I can't keep up. I don't want pity I want that understanding too.
I want to be remembered as the person that was there when needed, that put a smile on gloomy faces. Who understood their troubles and was there for them. Guess I'm feeling a little bitter. I never would and never have abandoned anyone in their troubles.
As far as grandkids go I hope they remember me as someone that loved them and gave as much of me that I could.
toni, the same for you. you are such a kind and giving person who's always there for someone in need.
i'd like to be remembered as a kind,caring and giving person looking out for the underdog and trying to share positivity even if it's just a smile.
good topic jc...never, ever worry about talking about pain here or anything else. it often does feel like we've been robbed.
I wish for you always a day to be who you were. I wish it for all who have given so much up to pain.
By the way I know you are best friend to your pets. You have made me laugh so hard I have cried. The pain patch sitting on side table became a coast and no wonder your pain level was so high. Remember that?
Your were out of touch because you couldn't find your iPad and a few days later it was found on the......deck.
Girl I love you.
Empathy is decorating the hole or throwing down a rope ladder and carrying you up or both. I should think we would decorate and have a party and then climb out.
All invited.
:-)
I think we all ask ourselves that question on more than one occasion. By the way JC, you are a kind and funny person who I call a friend. You've always been there for me when I've asked for any help so you may be in agony all the time, but you're a great friend.
I've been in this pain for 25 yrs and before that there was pain from another disease that I dealt with. There are days when I don't want to be around people and those days, I stay home, but I'd like to think that I'm not always unbearable to be around (even though my brothers always called me a bitch). I'd like to be remembered as someone who was a strong woman, a caring person, with a big heart .
I hope you have a good night honey! I hope everyone has a good night
Love and hugs ,
(((((((((((( )))))))))))))))
I was messaging a friend the other day and telling her about this collage picture frame I received for xmas. I took one look at it and went into the ugly cry as I wanted so desperately to be that version of me that I have been looking for for so long. I mourn that person looking back at me. She was so full of life. She danced three nights a week despite the pain, she would hop in her mustang and just drive with no destination in mind, she was quick to smile and others loved to be around her, yep I sure do miss her.
As far as how I hope to be remembered, well my expectations are pretty low as I have no in person friends left my nieces & nephew only know the me with pain. I hope the rest of my family remembers me as one who gave unselfishly, was always supportive and the first to a crisis. I hope they remember how at one time how much I loved to laugh and live life. I just hope they remember at all.
Great topic JC, thanks!
Hugs & God Bless
Lisa
ME, i think you are just that - strong, caring, with a big heart. my mother and aunt were "jokingly" calling me an old maid (bitch has been substituted) not over the marriage thing, but b/c i want and need to have a routine to try and stay out of pain among other things. family just don't seem to realize that sometimes when we know we shouldn't be around them we have to.
lisa, i think we all mourn that other person we once were. you are so kind and giving and supportive. i hope they remember the other you as well.
Everyone here has suffered more than one should..
And lost so much of what they see as their true selves.
..yet.. each one offers comfort to others.. over and over.
... I wish we could all lounge around somewhere over coffee/tea/whatever..
I'm sure there would be some tears of commiseration..
But..I bet there'd be a lot of laughter. :-)
..
Thanks
Hugs
jc