Sorry please delete.
Took 4evr to type

Really..please delete. I'mean fine just tired

Jancam,

Why would those that love you be brought down by your sharing what is happening? The only reaction would be what can we do to help? You are living in hell not through it but in the quagmire of it so of course you are feeling lower then a snakes belly.

I am more then relieved that at a moment in time you reached out to us.....all we can do is be here to listen, love, laugh, cry and support.

Forever,
Joanne

I miss my daughter.then feel guilty and ungrateful because of the unexpected miraculous recovery she's had. Have just begun to really realize that..for however long she survives the time bombs in her brain..she will always be disabld. My beautiful baby girl..all her incredible intelligence and independence and good heartedness..just ROBBED.
I'D GIVE ANYTHING TO BE ABLE TO DO THIS FOR HER.
AND NOW MY OWN STUPID CHOICES THROUGH HIS THE YES MAY ROB HER OF WHO SHE NEEDS MOST..BESIDES ELI. ME.
I FEEL LIKE MY HEART IS SHATTERED
AND I HAVE TO KEEP FIGHTING MY PHYSICAL BATTLES TO BE HERE FOR HER AND ELI FOR AS LONG AS I CAN. OR SHE IS HERE.
ID why all this just became so unbearably real at this time.

Sorry I can't type well on the thing

I'm sorry
.

Sheesh JC that didn't bring me down. What it did was make me want to offer you comfort. I sure can't take it all away, wish I could, but I can't. Think you need a counselor, but can't make you go ;).

What you are is not fine though I'm sure you are tired in more than one way! Can't blame you for feeling the way you do, what a freaking year you've had! Wish we all could take all the hardships, pain, anger, sorrow and just beat the crap out of it for you. The next move? You need to get good and pissed! You have earned the right to be angry at so many things. Do you know we actually grief what isn't and what is? That takes a lot out of it and puts a lot in. The important thing is to allow yourself to grief or it will swallow you up.

Wish I could just hold you and give you that comfort, YOU not anyone else, but you! So much as went towards everyone else when you've been in need yourself. You need that special treatment and I just wish I was there to give it.

Words are spoken here and I don't speak them lightly when I say I love you. I mean them when I say them to you. You have become someone important to me and I want only goodness for you.....I want you to reach out for it any way that you can......if it's only for moments.

I do love you bunches.........

will delete if you want me too, but think you are worthy of this post. With just a phone you don't have to reply to everyone, we understand

No point in deleting now..i' already put the poor me out there.
I'Lloyd cowboy up again somehow

That's just it, you don't have to cowboy up......you are entitled to your meltdown. It sucks about your daughter, for both of you...it effects everyone around her. If my daughter had these problems I'd be grief stricken too, who wants this to happen to their child, but you've dealt with your own problems for years now...let that be her guide now and go about her own life toughing up to it. We all had to did we? None of us had someone that could take it all over for us. She might need help, but you can't do it all for her. Just reality Mom :)

I don't have advice for you. Just wish I could put my arms around you and give you a gentle hug. Goddamit, I hate this for you. Sorry for language. Sometimes, no other words will do.

If anybody is entitled to a meltdown, it's you JC! And no, you didn't bring me down by writing it. You've had the most difficult year of your life and we have a hard enough time processing our own crap, but when it's your child thst gets ill, that's a whole other ball game. Please know I'm here and if you need to talk, I'm phone is on.

Love you to bits girlfriend. Wish I lived closer to you!

Xoxoxo

Mary Ellen

this, IMHO, JC is the reason this Circle exists. a Circle of caring people, of understanding people. the feelings you feel are real and understandable and never need to be explained. the fact that you are opening up is absolutely wonderful. you will never bring me down...if anything sharing our feelings with each other only brings us closer. i am so proud of you for putting yourself out there.

feelings are feelings. just knowing i can be here for you whenever you need a friend is what makes me tick. reaching out and being comforted and understood is huge, knowing youre not alone should be comforting to you, not feeling as if you are a burden. you matter. im humbled to "know" you, JC. your struggles are temporary.

the moment i realized i will never be the way i used to be was a moment that shattered me. i sobbed like i never sobbed before. i mean the swollen eyes cant catch my breath snot running out each nostril heaving chest hurting kind of crying. i have to grieve the loss of my old self before i can accept my new me. and it HURTS. bad. what gets me through is all of you...just knowing i can come here and not be judged is HUGE. i want you to feel like you have people in your corner that understands what youre going through.

with that said, you never have to feel alone. you dont bring me down. your life and feelings are important to me. you can message me anytime okay. i mean that.

oh honey im sorry i wish i could help more , you do not bring me down right , thats what friends or for i really truly love you i have known you forever look you need you to share this stuff it ok i don't mind at all , your brain says you need breck , you are in my heart forever you inspire me with your love for your daughter if you want to scream do so it ok sweetie , im no to going to say i know how you feel so you say what you want honey your amazing truly , im honored to be your friend, im here anytime my friend love minnie

Darlin, I am so proud of you as I know that it was hard for you to share all that you did, and I am humbled that you trusted us all to do so. When I read your post the first thing that came to mind were two things. The first being the mind has a wonderful way of only allowing us to handle so much at one time. Its almost like we're stuck in this animated state of shock. We are well aware of what's going on. We feel the emotions over what has happened, but IMHO even though we feel we have, we don't necessarily feel the enormity of the big whole entire picture until our mind feels we can handle it. Again IMHO I believe you've reached that point.

The second thing that came to mind is that grief sucks. It sucks because it knows no boundries and can and will reel its head whenever it feels like. I don't think there's a single one of us that does not grieve for the person we used to be. You take that and add it to all your daughter has been and will go through, damn JC that's just to big of load for one person to carry. I am so thankful you reached out. Here's my hand & my one good shoulder, go ahead, lead on me, squeeze my hand hard, I promise I won't break and I won't let go. There are a lot of hands and shoulders in this room, we've gotta Darlin if you'll let us. I truly love you bunches and as Toni said, I never say those words lightly, I say them when I mean them. Sending the gentlest of hugs, lots of love and many prayers.

Love & God bless
Lisa

jc, you're brave and i'm glad it's out there. want to wrap you in hugs and love. i really wish i could take some off your plate and help.
xoxoxoxox

JC, you saying how you feel is a huge deal for you. But I'm sure glad you did. You are an amazing Mom and Grandmother. Being those things is no easy feat any day of the week. And you are one hell of a chick! Supercool and all. Sometimes the supercool chicks need time out too and get to pour their hearts out to friends and loved ones. Love ya JC :)

Thank you all so much.