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I'll try to organize my thoughts here in such a way as I can get YOUR thoughts on what I might do.
Last night..
I had an extreme amount of pain..
All of my meds. And then some ( Dr is aware of that..)..
Anyway..
Couldn't get it to what I wukd call bearable any longer than what it wiud take to crash to sleep..
Then wake up yelling again.
Emergency rooms can it help me with pain..
The amounts and numbers of meds I'm on makes it difficult..if not impissib,e..
For someone not well trained in pain management
To know what to do with pain that breaks through my break through meds.
Hell.. breaks through my breakthrough breakthrough meds.
This is a different pain than my usual..
And..I WILL be pursuing with my new PCP to try to find it what's causing this.
Very hard to describe.. I can't even really nail down WHERE it is when husband asks.
Upper left quadrant of my torso? Includes.. in fact..I think I was nauseated, first..
At any given moment..I might say stomach/chest/back/shoulder. .....
Anyway..
My pain is part of the daily life in my marriage.
It's a given. The only thing that changes is the degrees of it.
Last night..went into 10s at some points.
And stayed at 8+ For longish stretches. ( I don't use numbers over six lightly.
Thing is..
My husband has a businass appointment out of town tomorrow. Like.. 21/2 hrs each way.
He's a licenced contractor.
It's his company. This is a fairly large job he's meeting about.
He has kept himself, his crew..and a number of sub-contractors..
In work for a number of years NoT always easy where we live and in our economy.
All that's to say...he is a HARD worker ( even if he doesn't have to actually do the manual labor
Himself any more)
He had told me before last night how important this meeting is tomorrow.
I'm really actually afraid of what is hurting me so badly right now.
That's NOT the norm.
I know that if I sincerely ask him to stay in town tomorrow and help me get to PCP..
Or ER if I can't get in to her..
That he would.
But.. it would cause a lot. A LOT of stress for him.
He's already said he'll keep my daughter " on the clock " ( she's his office manager)..
While she comes and hangs out here with me while he's ut of town.
Or..she takes me to DR ( I don't drive due to meds and pain making it unsafe for other drivers..
I try not to let fear be my guide.
I just..
Have a sense it might be better if he were around 'til I know what's hurtin' me so badly.
Then.. part of me worries that his sub-contractors might loose a good contract. .. and $ they might really need.
Sigh.
Maybe it won't be as bad by the morning..
And..I'll be stressin' about this for nothing.
So..
But..
If it is still this bad through the night and morning..
Would it be OK for me to ask him to stay in town?
I KNOW it would be selfish.
I try not to have the world revolve around my pain any more than it just naturally does
In a marriage.
I WANT him here.
Do I NEED him here just because the pain is so bad?
What are your thougths?
...I know what the RIGHT thing to do is..
It's just not what I want.
I don't want to be unselfish right now goddamn it.
Hugs
Last night..
I had an extreme amount of pain..
All of my meds. And then some ( Dr is aware of that..)..
Anyway..
Couldn't get it to what I wukd call bearable any longer than what it wiud take to crash to sleep..
Then wake up yelling again.
Emergency rooms can it help me with pain..
The amounts and numbers of meds I'm on makes it difficult..if not impissib,e..
For someone not well trained in pain management
To know what to do with pain that breaks through my break through meds.
Hell.. breaks through my breakthrough breakthrough meds.
This is a different pain than my usual..
And..I WILL be pursuing with my new PCP to try to find it what's causing this.
Very hard to describe.. I can't even really nail down WHERE it is when husband asks.
Upper left quadrant of my torso? Includes.. in fact..I think I was nauseated, first..
At any given moment..I might say stomach/chest/back/shoulder. .....
Anyway..
My pain is part of the daily life in my marriage.
It's a given. The only thing that changes is the degrees of it.
Last night..went into 10s at some points.
And stayed at 8+ For longish stretches. ( I don't use numbers over six lightly.
Thing is..
My husband has a businass appointment out of town tomorrow. Like.. 21/2 hrs each way.
He's a licenced contractor.
It's his company. This is a fairly large job he's meeting about.
He has kept himself, his crew..and a number of sub-contractors..
In work for a number of years NoT always easy where we live and in our economy.
All that's to say...he is a HARD worker ( even if he doesn't have to actually do the manual labor
Himself any more)
He had told me before last night how important this meeting is tomorrow.
I'm really actually afraid of what is hurting me so badly right now.
That's NOT the norm.
I know that if I sincerely ask him to stay in town tomorrow and help me get to PCP..
Or ER if I can't get in to her..
That he would.
But.. it would cause a lot. A LOT of stress for him.
He's already said he'll keep my daughter " on the clock " ( she's his office manager)..
While she comes and hangs out here with me while he's ut of town.
Or..she takes me to DR ( I don't drive due to meds and pain making it unsafe for other drivers..
I try not to let fear be my guide.
I just..
Have a sense it might be better if he were around 'til I know what's hurtin' me so badly.
Then.. part of me worries that his sub-contractors might loose a good contract. .. and $ they might really need.
Sigh.
Maybe it won't be as bad by the morning..
And..I'll be stressin' about this for nothing.
So..
But..
If it is still this bad through the night and morning..
Would it be OK for me to ask him to stay in town?
I KNOW it would be selfish.
I try not to have the world revolve around my pain any more than it just naturally does
In a marriage.
I WANT him here.
Do I NEED him here just because the pain is so bad?
What are your thougths?
...I know what the RIGHT thing to do is..
It's just not what I want.
I don't want to be unselfish right now goddamn it.
Hugs
i just know i had to ask me ex to sleep with me one night b/c of scary pain. i did end up going to the ER and it took two shots of dopamine before i could speak.
it's a very scary thing to be in that much pain. can you just discuss this with him right now and see what his thoughts are? figure out the options? let him prepare if he should have to postpone?
i really hope that putting your heads together you can come up with a solution b/c i know you're in deep pain.
hugs n hope n love, darlin
I think you need to be seen at the ER.
Now would be good
It frightens me that this does not make since???
It could be a heart issue
You once told me to go to the er
I did and am better for it
My friend you need to be seen
It is not selfish to take care of yourself
please take care
Go get seen
Luv n Hugs
Michael
Michael.. my friend..
I knew when I saw your name what you would say.
I will.. if it escalates again..
Go to the ER, Bud..
'Cause you called me out. :-) :-)
Serenity..
You're right..I need to tal to him.
I just hate to make him feel quilt for doing his job.
preparing a plan for him to cancel if need be is a good idea.
I'm sorry for sounding so dramatic..
I don't like to be a drama queen. ( I used to be a horrible one..
Now say I suffered from Post Dramatic Stress Disorder. :-)
At this moment..
I can communicate..
So..that's far better than a lot of last night..and some of this a.m.
Thank you for your concern..
And advice..
I will heed it.
Luvsnhugs
hugs
Ok-I asked hubby as this is part of his role at the hospital-pain management. ER is his answer. No one should be living with this kind of pain for an extended period because of what pain at this level can do to the body.
Please go to the ER.
Keep us posted.
Hugs.................
jc, no doubt that dh can make arrangements when it comes to your wellbeing.
we're all sending love and concern.
Love, Hugs & God Bless
Lisa
You mentioned not being led by fear and this is such a great way to think. Pain and fear kinda go together though, I have found.
I do know this: whatever you decided to do your husband will know it's what you need or you wouldn't have asked.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nR56UVHvijs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRq8o1MEUtU
https://www.youtube.com/user/eftwizard/videos
This one specifaclly for pain
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwqxMX03pus
This is were I consider I have an advantage over most. Since being in chronic pain since 6, I learned early, acceptance/adaptation. Even though each year brings more of a decline/more pain , that re-adaptation is fairly easy (most of the time). Also before 6, it was nasty in other ways, so I truly have no sense of loss, of what "I use to be". It was what it was and it was all i knew.
I feel bad for those who have gone through life changing events and crave for that person they use to be. I find tears reading those many postings like yours and others. I wish I could find the words to teach others what I have learned. It may simply be resilience, stubbornness or a strong spirit. Yet each and everyone of here and those that are on the sidelines reading, DO in fact possess those traits, after all, we're still here. Yes of course we may think suicide as I did for decades, but we still find a way to move forward, even if it's a very, very slow crawl. We preserve, yet perseverance really sucks at times! LOL
Pain is a great enemy and worthy opponent, yet a "peace treaty " can be "signed", even though that prick often breaks the treaty!
Not sure if any of that helped, but we'll always keep you in my Heart all the same,
Comforting HugsZzz,
Blaine